choice – Page 2 – in thriver words

Feeling Inspired?

This week I’m feeling inspired, are you?

I was inspired by bunches of leftover celery, broccoli, chicken, and parsley to make soup.
Soup

I’m inspired by the incredibly blue sky and moderate temperatures to spend more time outside.
I’m inspired by my increasing strength and flexibility to continue adding weights to my yoga workout.
I feel inspired to create a new bread recipe because I can visualize the taste and texture I want it to have.
I feel inspired to continue to do work that I love rather than choosing a more traditional path.

Where does this inspiration originate?

I don’t really know the answer to that. I believe we all have the capacity within us to be inspired at any moment. I also know that I value the feeling so I am open to it. I put myself in environments that support it. I seek out lectures, poetry readings, concerts, movies, computer programming crash courses, waterfalls, meandering routes, good books, amazing coffee, and tasty morsels that have the potential to stimulate my mind and arouse my creativity.

Last week, I took a few hours away from work to attend a documentary film festival. I love that festival. It’s been providing me with incredible experiences for more than 20 years. This year, I fell in love with the movie, “The Man Who Saved Ben Hur”. I felt especially inspirited by the aliveness of 102-year-old Max in “Love at a Certain Age”, and I was fascinated by the audience patter throughout, “Mission Control Texas”. I appreciate the filmmakers desire to illuminate their subjects and share them with us.

It would have been easy to decide I was too busy to drive an hour to watch movies that most people have never heard of. With virtually no effort, I could have convinced myself that it would be more responsible to spend my time working. I could have squelched my happy anticipation, put my nose to the grindstone, and knocked out another project. But here’s the thing…the work would have felt like drudgery and I would have deprived myself of something that feeds me, and thereby, my work.

As I listened to a lecture a day or two later by Anne-Marie Slaughter regarding the need for family leave and flexible workplaces, I was struck by the truth that many people fear they will be penalized for acting as if they care about anything besides their career. That can’t be healthy for us, just as not caring about our jobs can’t be healthy for our businesses. But the quickest way to get us to stop caring about our jobs is to send us the message that we must sacrifice our family or ourselves to do so.

What is the balance point?

I don’t know that I have the answer to that either, but I am certain that filling a day with nothing but drudgery, fear, stress, obligation, and monotony does not yield the best quality product let alone the best life. Some people seem to inherently grasp this and find a way to play, enjoy, and transcend the environment, but many others do not feel as though they have the luxury.

If you feel stuck in nothing but drudgery and unable to see the possibilities that might inspire you…

Maybe you can begin to feel inspired by a tiny rebellion or two! Rebellion suits my contrarian nature. I’ll eat dessert first. Throw away (donate, or gift) something that I thought I just had to have. Follow the 5 second rule. Watch an episode of South Park. Read “Runny-Babbitt”. Walk backward for a block. Wear flowers and stripes together. Eat on paper plates for a week. Keep my fork in my left hand after I cut my meat and eat European style. Impersonate someone new every day. Tell the truth when someone asks how I am.

How does this help? These small acts remind me to challenge my own beliefs and not to take things so seriously. The world will not end if someone looks at me funny for wearing stripes and flowers together (really mom, see the world is still spinning). A sense of perspective helps me see past my immediate concerns to the greater possibilities.

If rebellion doesn’t work for you, try safety and comfort to get you started. I like to dig out my favorite afghan or microwaveable pillow and get snuggly warm. I’ll drink hot tea, repot my houseplants, carry a book with me, cook biscuits, say no, and binge watch a TV show with a strong leading character who makes me feel safe.

The point of all this is to remind myself that I can change my internal environment by making very small changes to my external environment and that I am always in charge of my choices. From this position, it is much easier to shift into better balance in my life. It’s like placing ball bearings in a tall building in earthquake prone California. I give myself the ability to shift with outside forces without threat to the structure of my well-being.

That is the point from which I’m most open to embracing life and all of its incredible inspiration.
Speaking of, I just watched the most beautiful sunrise! What inspires you?
sunrise

http://www.manwhosavedbenhur.com/

http://loveatacertainage.com/

https://www.facebook.com/missioncontroltexasen

Pharmaceuticals Are Drugs. Over-the-Counter Medicines are Drugs. Supplements Are Drugs. Period.

pretty pills Pharmaceuticals are drugs. Over-the-counter medicines are drugs. Supplements are drugs. Period. But sometimes we don’t really act that way.

We take supplements along with prescription drugs without ever checking to see if there can be a bad interaction between the two. We don’t research the company that manufactures our supplements to see if they’re reputable even though we know the supplements are not regulated by the FDA. We pop Tylenol after a late night of drinking with no consideration of the consequences to our liver. We tell our children not to use marijuana, heroin, meth, ecstasy, or bath salts, but encourage them to take Adderall, Dexedrine, Xanax, Prozac, Paxil, Lexapro, Luvox, Celexa, Zoloft, Lorcet, Lortab, Norco, Dilaudid, OxyContin, Oxyfast, and Percocet without always exploring non-drug treatment options.

It’s like we have collectively lost our healthy respect for the power of these substances and their possible detrimental side effects or perhaps it’s overshadowed by our collective expectation of a quick resolution to all of our immediate problems. Whatever this attitude shift is, it’s affecting our health and our society. The CDC reports that since 1999, the amount of pain reported by Americans has stayed about the same, but the amount of prescription pain relievers prescribed and sold has more than quadrupled (1).

I have noticed a change in the way my doctors and dentists approach treatment and the use of medication. When I had all of my wisdom teeth out a few years ago and was visibly bruised down to the base of my neck, I was prescribed two days worth of codeine. More recently, I was prescribed a week’s worth of hydrocodone following the removal of a single root from one tooth in a 15 minute procedure. I filled the prescription on the way home assuming I’d be in severe pain when the deadening wore off. Interestingly, my pain was hardly noticeable and only required one day’s worth of Extra Strength Tylenol. My family physician now uses a medicate-and-see mode for diagnosis rather than the remove-all-medications-and-see-what-happens approach to diagnosis that I experienced at the Ochsner Clinic in 1989 when I had psittacosis.

I have a friend who calls her doctor for Vicodin whenever her life gets stressful, another who calls her gynecologist for Valium when she needs to take the edge off, and several who swear by their longstanding prescriptions for Xanax. All of them are well supplied and none of them are in therapy. None of them think this odd.
needle
This sort of matter-of-fact incorporation of highly addictive substances into our everyday lives without examination is leading to alarming trends. According to the CDC, 44 people per day die in the US from prescription drug overdose(2), and some users turn to heroin as a less expensive alternative. The number of chronic heroin users in the US in 2014 was reported by Forbes as being estimated at approximately 1.5 million.

While many of us have no experience with addiction, we all know that pharmaceuticals have side effects. Many times it takes years on the market and numerous injuries before a drug is deemed unsafe or prescriptions for it are limited. Perhaps it’s best not to treat drugs casually at all.

I’m not saying we should avoid doctors, their advice, or all medications or supplements. It just seems that now is a good time to get curious about everything we choose to ingest. It’s easier than ever to access information, so why not learn as much as we can about medication, supplements, and food so that we can make informed choices?

Where should the research begin? You can start with anything. Pharmaceuticals are drugs. Over-the-counter medicines are drugs. Supplements are drugs. All of these substances deserve research. Responsibility for our health and the quality of our lives falls appropriately on our shoulders.

When we fail to get informed, we relinquish some of the power we have over our own destiny. Hopefully, when we make that choice it is deliberate rather than by default. Otherwise, we will feel diminished by the process rather than empowered by our choice. My wish is for all of us to choose well and feel powerful.

pouch pills

1)http://www.cdc.gov/drugoverdose/
2)http://www.cdc.gov/drugoverdose/epidemic/index.html
3)http://www.forbes.com/sites/jacobsullum/2014/03/10/how-many-daily-heroin-users-are-there-in-the-u-s-somewhere-between-60000-and-1-million-maybe/

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Can you stop just existing and thrive? You can, and you are worth it.

Can you stop just existing and thrive? You can, and you are worth it, but you may not be living that way because you may not believe it way down deep. Why do so many of us feel so bad about ourselves?

In this age of headlines and 24/7 talking heads we lunge from crisis to crisis. Our culture is swept up in rivers of bad news, glaring failures, dissatisfaction, and united finger pointing at whomever we can identify as a potential villain. NFL players have taken the stage this week led by Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson.

What has resulted is a narrow focus on the behavior of professional athletes. Not even women’s rights advocates have suggested that all professions should purge their halls of those who physically assault their partners or children. Why is the NFL special? Let’s purge elementary schools, colleges, newsrooms, courts, churches, investment firms, manufacturing facilities, the trucking industry, pipe fitters, doctor’s offices and mental health facilities as well. If we don’t, what point are we making?

And that’s my point. Most of the time, it feels like we’re just finger pointing and creating a villain of the moment – someone who can make us feel better about ourselves while we contrast our public behavior from theirs. What we sometimes forget is that most of the violent incidents we see aired were not believed to be public. They were private moments. We know this and if we’re willing to tell ourselves the truth, we know that we would not look good if our most vile or shameful moments were plastered on a TV screen.

All of us have erred. All of us feel shame. In this commonality of human experience we can find compassion, empathy, and healing or we can find condemnation, comparison, and hate – peacefulness or warmongering.

The problem with focusing our energy on the condemnation of other people in order to make ourselves feel better, or momentarily superior, is that this behavior systematically prevents our own improvement. As we elevate ourselves in contrast with others, we become less and less willing to admit when we have erred in a similar manner for fear that an astute observer may remember our prior condemnation of this behavior and hold us accountable. We will go to great lengths to support our fantasy that we not like those we vilify.

As we feel the internal conflict inherently created by trying to live a fantasy, we are forced to disassociate from our authentic feelings and real truth. Until we reconnect with these, we simply cannot live fully. We will be able to make superficial change, but our inner turmoil will remain. We will never thrive.

Unfortunately, many of us are products of family systems that denied our reality. We had mothers who failed to report our injuries from our father’s physical violence, or fathers who failed to acknowledge the real danger we experienced when our mother passed out and almost burned the house down with us in it. Of course there are millions of versions of this story. The point is that when our family systems normalize this behavior while simultaneously requiring us to hide it, we are trained early on to deny the truth of our experience.

With a cultural bias toward public condemnation and universal opportunities presented by social media to anonymously criticize, it can feel daunting to embrace your truth, especially when it doesn’t match up with social convention. So many of us develop a habit of selling ourselves short.

If we grew up as targets of abusers, we may carry this a step further. The scenario goes something like this: deny our truth, sell ourselves short, blame someone else for holding us back, feel angry, release that anger in inappropriate ways or use it as a defense that prevents us from receiving love and support, suffer the consequences of our behavior or perceived lack of support and continue to make choices that cause us to feel like a victim. Victims do not recognize their power. If they did, they would not choose to continue to live like victims.

If you are existing rather than thriving, we support your desire for change! No matter who you are or what you have done, you deserve appreciation and love. We cry with you as you grieve your losses. We accept your less than perfect behavior even when we can’t condone it. We understand that when we tell ourselves the truth, you are the same as we are and given similar circumstances we are capable of making the same choice you have made.

Forget what you think you “should” do. We encourage you to do at least one thing each day that makes you feel free, safe, happy, light, or content. We also encourage you to allow yourself to feel your anger, fear, sadness, and longing in order to begin the process of letting it go. You do not need permission or approval to embrace the unique gifts and journey you have been given. They are your birthright.

It does not matter how many times you have been told you are worthless. Repetition does not make it true. Whoever told you that was lying to you to make you believe you are powerless. It does not matter how much time you’ve spent alone because a parent did not nurture you. You deserve love, attention, and affection and there are people who will show you love when you find the courage to let down your defenses. You are not valuable because of what you achieve or what you own. You are valuable because you are here. Let your legacy be how fully you live. If your energy is consumed by attaining material wealth at the sacrifice of your relationships or your health, you are living a life limited by material possessions. Such an existence may appear full from the outside, but you know the hollowness inside the facade.

The path to thriving is not all easy, but it is all worth it. No matter where you began or what you have endured, today begins with a choice. You can choose to live your truth or you can be confined by someone else’s. Can you stop just existing and thrive? Yes you can, and you deserve it. The truth you choose will determine whether you exist or whether you thrive.

Epilogue:
When you need a bit of inspiration, check out the stories of these survivors of violence, neglect, and abuse who have found a way to move past horrific events in order to thrive. Know someone else inspiring? Share with us in the comments below.

Having Trouble Figuring Out How to Include Cooking in Your Daily Routine? Embrace your limits!

Having trouble figuring out how to include cooking in your daily routine? Embrace your limits!

Today’s tip comes from my lifelong deficits. I have an inability to type faster than anyone else, swim faster than anyone else, or sprint faster than anyone else. In spite of this gaping lack of ability, I have been chosen for typing contests, advanced swim instruction, and participation in track meets. Why? I am ploddingly consistent and rarely know when to quit, but even more than that, I am willing to look my limits in the face.

I think it took me a whole summer to learn to slalom ski. While I’d popped right up on two skis when I was 10. I didn’t try again until I was in my 30s. It still wasn’t difficult to get up on two skis, but I wanted to slalom. The boat driver instructed me to get up on two and then drop one off. And so it began, I’d get up on two, try to drop one, and fall. Then I’d try again…and fall. My kids thought this was both funny and boring because it went on trip after trip after trip…until I finally found my balance point. Once that happened, I quickly learned to get up on one ski. The balance point had been my limiter. Had I not stuck with the process until I found it, my choices would have been to ski on two skis or drive the boat. By finding my limiter, I eventually expanded my options.

How does this relate to cooking? It relates in the same way that it relates to anything that feels difficult to conquer – once you find the primary thing that holds you back and deal with that one thing (okay, it can be a small list of things), you will find you have more options.

I’ll give you another example. I sometimes walk in the mornings with a neighbor who is always looking for an excuse not to show up. If I put on my walking clothes & carry my shoes downstairs immediately after I get out of bed, I am 90% more likely to walk whether he shows up or not. Why? My mental limiter is having to make a trip back up the stairs. I can’t tell you specifically why that trip seems like such a big deal, but I don’t really need to understand this. As long as I know and face this fact about myself, I can make a choice that will lead to me feeling like I CAN instead of I CAN’T!

If you don’t think you can find the time to cook for yourself or your family, start observing how you feel when some informed expert gives you facts that indicate fresh food positively affects your health and you think, “I really should cook more, but I simply…can’t, don’t,”…whatever comes to mind. For me it could be: “If I cook I’ll have to clean up the kitchen & I really don’t want to do that tonight. I need some time to do nothing.”

For you it will be a unique set of limiters. Way down deep, you will feel your limit. You may feel silly about it, or ashamed, or inadequate that, if you’re me, you can’t get your mind around a single trip up the stairs. Often, we won’t let that feeling come to the surface and become a conscious thought because it makes us feel like there’s something wrong with us – especially when it seems like something small that’s impeding our progress. So instead, we remain in a kind of limbo that keeps us stuck making no progress, or if we let the thought form, spend our time beating ourselves up for having that limit. Often we construct elaborate scenarios to keep ourselves from admitting a simple truth about ourselves that we view as negative.

So, here’s the tip – Whenever you feel like you just “CAN’T” cook, walk, say no, say yes, etc. – follow the path your feelings take. Let those feelings lead you to the thing that’s limiting your progress. Trust that the process will bring you insight, and insight will bring you better choices. In other words, you’ll have more choices when you embrace your limits!