health – in thriver words

Good Health

With the MAHA movement, perhaps we should be asking: What defines good health? It’s easy to assume we all have the same definition of health. But is that true?

closeup of dictionary page with the definition of dictionary

The top 3 definitions of the word health according to The American Heritage® Dictionary are:

health /hĕlth/

noun

The overall condition of an organism at a given time.
Soundness, especially of body or mind; freedom from disease or abnormality.
A condition of optimal well-being.

Merriam-Webster defines it as follows:

health

noun ˈhelth also ˈheltth

1a: the condition of being sound in body, mind, or spiritespecially:freedom from physical disease or pain
1b: the general condition of the body
2a: a condition in which someone or something is thriving or doing well:well-being
2b: general condition or state

Medical Dictionaries recognize health as a range of potential within an environment: “a relative state in which one is able to function well physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually in order to express the full range of one’s unique potentialities within the environment in which one is living.”¹

While all are similar, there are some notable differences. American Heritage does not mention the spirit, only the body and mind. Merriam-Webster mentions the spirit, but emphasizes physical disease and pain. Of the three, the medical dictionary is the only one to mention potential and environment.

Why does defining health or good health matter?

To Establish The State We Wish to Achieve

Keeping it simple, if you don’t know what it is, you can’t recognize when you have it.While that’s stating the obvious, we spend lots of time, energy, and money trying to achieve good health. If we don’t define what it is, not only may we fail to recognize it when we achieve it, we can’t devise a reasonable plan to get to the state we strive for.

To Create Reachable Goals

Health, good health, and optimum health are not the same for everyone. I don’t have the same health potential as someone with a different genetic makeup, history of illness, background of injury, exposure to environments, and reliance on medication. That’s why the medical dictionary uses words like unique potentialities and environment. Understanding what’s realistic for me is key to developing appropriate and achievable goals.

To Make Sure My Health Choices Reflect My Priorities

I may not have the same priorities as my physician. This can mean I request an alternative route to get to the same goal. My doctor might prefer I take a certain medication that will get a result quicker. I may prefer a lengthier path that leads to the root cause of my issue. As a team, we can devise a treatment plan in line with my priorities.

Other priorities may extend beyond my personal health in order to protect vulnerable family members, those with disabilities, and the elderly.

To Balance Time Spent On Each Component Of Health

If I spend too much time working out, I may not have time to prepare food that most benefits me. If I only focus on physical health, I may neglect social connections, creative projects, or practices that contribute to a positive state of mind.

To Get Results

Without any clear definition, goal, or plan, there’s no way to measure results. Even if our health plan is mostly about the process, we won’t know whether we’re on track unless we’ve outlined that process & where we hope it to take us.

There’s no better time than now to define good health, determine our priorities, and develop a plan to meet our health goals. This will make the path more clear as information becomes murkier.

¹ https://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/health

When You’re Reeling

Sometimes, it can be hard to stop reeling. I just had much of my sewer line replaced. When they marked the underground utilities, they put a flag indicating the gas lines and painted an arrow toward the area that was marked for digging. Being one who makes lots of procedural plans for emergencies, my mind began to explore all the possible effects of a tractor nicking a gas line by my house.

I know full well the damage a slight gas line nick can do. The phone company in my hometown exploded one night after excavation work near the building. The break in the line was so small, the workers didn’t notice. But gas built up and at 4:33am something sparked.

The explosion awakened my parents who lived 8 miles away. Many buildings had to be razed, and others show lingering property damage 44 years later. Obviously, a tiny thing became a big thing.

With that memory and my general inclination to prevent or rehearse responses to dangerous situations, the sewer replacement risk had the potential to leave me reeling from possibilities that might never come to fruition. A similar thing can happen when we’re sent for a medical test. Sometimes, the potential for a life-threatening or chronic illness leaves us reeling to the degree it becomes debilitating. This can also happen after a traumatic event.

For most of us, most of the time, we’ll regain equilibrium fairly quickly. We just need a little time to process whatever it is that has thrown us off. But occasionally, some of us get stuck. We can’t stop spinning.

It’s okay to spin for awhile in most cases. But sometimes we don’t have that luxury. And no one needs to spin so long they can’t get out of that motion. Having a plan (example of my aforementioned planning propensity) before you find yourself in that situation can be helpful.

What can you do to lessen the reeling?

Be kind to yourself. Accept that everyone will have things that throw them off at times. It’s no reason to doubt yourself, hate yourself, or to feel stupid or inadequate. You’re not weak just because you’re momentarily overwhelmed. Being kind to yourself can help keep you from a spiral of negative self-talk.

Support your system. Do your best to consume fresh, healthy food at regular intervals. Drink plenty of water. Allow yourself plenty of time for sleep. Get outside if you can. Move – walk, dance, swim, do yoga, play tennis. Spend time with friends when you can. The body and mind are inseparable. Supporting your body will have positive benefits for your mental state as well.

Get curious. In my sewer situation, it helped to ask the contractor for more information about the process he would use. Who would he send? What king of equipment would be used? Where would they start digging? In a health situation, it’s okay to get curious as well. Your healthcare team can answer questions about next steps, treatment plans, and outcome statistics. Knowing you’re making informed decisions can help you stop reeling.

Feel your feelings. Don’t try to talk yourself out of your feelings. Don’t actively avoid them. Feelings will change more quickly if you’ll allow them to flow.

Sit with your fear. Reeling often includes fear that may manifest as confusion, irritability, or impatience. If you sit quietly with fear, it will eventually dissipate. With practice you’ll be able to move in and out of your feeling with a modicum of control. This will allow you to function and feel less helpless.

Talk to someone. Things that are kept secret sometimes take on a life of their own. And things often seem more daunting before you say them out loud. Talk to a friend or a professional. Just saying your feelings out loud can help you recenter.

Use somatic techniques to calm the lower brain. From breathing to movement to grounding, there are many techniques that can help calm your lower brain. Once the amygdala is calmed, executive function can return.

If you find you continue to be stuck in spite of your best efforts, consider seeking professional help. There are many types of therapy. Not all of them involve verbally regurgitating your problems. You are in control of choosing the practitioner and treatment option that feels most helpful.

Reeling is uncomfortable and unsettling. It can affect your relationships, parenting, and work performance. This may not be pleasant, but it may be a natural part of the process of coming to terms with new information. It’s only problematic if it becomes chronic. Otherwise, you can think of it as a twirl in the dance of life.

Dance it out and let it go.

Do You Deserve to be Healthy?

Do you deserve to be healthy? I recently had occasion to observe someone repeatedly making choices that hurt him. I mentioned that nothing he was doing or saying was hurting anyone but him. At first, he thanked me for caring. He followed that with a drunken phone call in which he had twisted the entire conversation wrong-side out and turned himself into a victim of some great conspiracy that will never end.

There’s some basis for him to lean toward that point-of-view. But he has taken a painful short-term situation in which he was a victim, made it chronic through his choices, and weaponized it against himself. This has cost him a marriage, contact with his children, a lasting career in his field, and the opulent life he craves, not to mention a decline in health.

Does he do this on purpose? This is tough to answer. And in the end, it probably doesn’t matter. What he, and many of us, must find is a way to move past the point around which we circle with no seeming ability to move in a different direction.

We may consciously know we can do better for ourselves, but still maneuver in a way that allows us to avoid the accountability of owning the choices we make that aren’t good for us. There are a million different patterns for doing this. Most are subconsciously designed to help us avoid embarrassment, fear, shame, vulnerability, and potential loss. We have a deeply felt need to save face.

What’s weird about being in this position is the sort of blinders that come with it. It becomes easy to adopt a view of ourselves that doesn’t match others’ experience of us or our actions. When we hit a point in which other people can see we’re making decisions that aren’t helpful and we defend those decisions by twisting indisputable facts they themselves observed, we lose credibility.

Once that credibility is lost, we may also lose their support. Why should someone else spend time struggling to figure out what part of our story is valid so that they can then figure out how best to help us when it’s clear we are not in a position to accept help. We are too busy clinging to a position in which we are unwilling to help ourselves and would lose face accepting help from others.

What sometimes happens at that point is the person making poor choices will sense support is waning and begin to lean even further into stories of victimization to try to manipulate us back into what may feel like connection. And it is connection, but not the healthiest sort.

So when the person making bad choices is us, what can we do?

Obviously, it’s easy to tell someone else they deserve better and to stop making bad choices. But it’s not that easy. Many of us have a skewed self-image from injury or abuse we have suffered at the hand of others. We are subconsciously choosing what feels normal. That normal may be to treat ourselves badly.

Others are attempting to avoid a deep sense of shame. We may believe we have done something unforgiveable. Or maybe someone has told use we’ve done something unforgiveable. Or maybe we have done something we have criticized others for doing.

No matter what we’re attempting to avoid or cover up, we must be able to make conscious choices to improve our lives. That begins with being able to own the choices we’re making. And not just own them but own our choices while granting ourselves grace when we could have done better. And we have to be able to let go of shame.

Brené Brown has written volumes on shame and vulnerability that are worth exploring. Daring Greatly begins with a quote from Theodore Roosevelt’s speech “Citizenship in a Republic:”

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly….

This is a great passage to keep in mind before asking yourself if you deserve to be healthy. Then, instead of asking that question, first ask yourself:

What is the worst thing I’ve ever done? Name it. Feel it. Say it out loud to yourself. (No need to tell anyone else.)

If someone else did that (whatever you answered), could I forgive them? Could someone forgive them?

When you can forgive yourself your worst wrong, you will be able to hold yourself accountable. When you can hold yourself accountable, you will have no problem owning your choices. They may not all be good choices, but you’ll be able to learn from each one and avoid blaming someone else.

Forgiving yourself your worst wrong will also allow you to shift how you view yourself. What other people think will become less important. This paves the way for recognizing you deserve, we all deserve, to be healthy!

Coda: Mere hours after I posted this, I watch an introductory video for therapists (I am not one) regarding the diagnosis and treatment of moral injury. While it didn’t change anything I previously wrote, it made me recognize I should expand a bit rather than stopping here.

Anyone who has committed acts or made decisions that violate their own moral code may need assistance in achieving self-forgiveness. It doesn’t matter whether those decisions or acts were a result of force, coercion, danger, leverage, direct order, dissociation, freezing, or a desperate need for comfort, we may subsequently view ourselves as irredeemable or contemptable.

Trauma therapy that provides a compassionate response, helps realign actions with internal moral code, and allows us to retain necessary guilt without shame can help to process through events and put them in the past. This will put us in a position to recognize we do not deserve eternal suffering and punishment. We can find ways to follow a path that doesn’t create internal dissonance.

We can change. We can grant ourselves grace. We can feel appropriate guilt and make necessary amends. We are imperfectly human and perfectly deserving of the opportunity to grow, improve, and face our demons. Doing so is difficult, but leads to a healthier existence.

And we all deserve to be healthy!

Author’s note:Some disease and injury are unavoidable. It does not matter who you are or whether you make perfect decisions, you may not be able to be as healthy as someone else who does not suffer the same unavoidable condition. That reality does not change the fact that you deserve to be healthy and can make the best choices possible within the limitations you are given.

Odd Man Out

Sometimes taking care of your health means being the odd man out. That can be uncomfortable. But that doesn’t make you wrong.

I suppose a need to conform is generally helpful in society. It makes it easier to enforce laws and have an expectation that most people will follow social norms. This can create a sense of security. It can also help us blend in so that we don’t attract unwanted attention.

And we need to balance our emotional needs with our physical needs. But sacrificing physical health to appease or please those who may not have our best interest at heart sounds like a losing proposition. Yet many of us do this over and over for years.

So, how can we become more comfortable with being the odd man out? Here are a few things to try:

Prioritize Health – Whenever someone suggests you stop working out or eat something that hurts you or overextend yourself or ignore pain or go somewhere that might expose you to pathogens, remind yourself that your health is the most important consideration. That may mean you have to say no or suggest an alternative.

Practice Saying No – The more you say no in uncomfortable situations, the easier it gets. With practice, discomfort diminishes over time.

Explore Why You Feel Bad – Not everyone feels bad making unpopular decisions. If you know someone like that, observe them. Mimic their behavior a time or to and explore the memories or feelings that trigger a different response when it’s you.

Use An Authority to Support You – If anyone tries to pressure, shame, or manipulate you into an unhealthy situation, invoke the authority of your doctor or physical therapist or nutritionist. Say something like, “I’d love to, but my doctor strongly advised me not to and I feel like I should comply.”

Build Stamina – It’s easier to make good decisions and stick to your guns when you’re well-rested, well-fed, sufficiently hydrated, and relaxed. You can build stamina for being the odd man out by facing difficult situations with all of these conditions in place.

Don’t Scare Yourself – Things are rarely like we imagine they will be. Instead of focusing on potential negative reactions to making an unpopular decision, focus on being kind to yourself.

Celebrate Feeling Good – Don’t forget to celebrate every decision that leads to you being healthier. Cumulatively, these decisions lead to feeling the absolute best you can. Obviously, this deserves a big celebration, but celebrating along the way just as important!

Claim Your Life – There will be many people who are happy to advise you on what you “should” do. Listen, then sort through what feels right to you and what doesn’t. This is your life. It can be anything you choose it to be. Yes, you will have limitations of genetics, talent, situation, and physical ability. But you get to choose what you will do within those limits. Don’t let someone else choose for you.

Find a Role Model – Each time you’re tempted to conform to your own detriment, think of someone you admire who has chosen a unique path. They’re all around us. Many have achieved monumental things. If you look closely, it could be because they were willing to be the odd man out.

Help Someone Else – When you take the best care of yourself in spite of pushback, you model that decision as acceptable for your children, your relatives, your co-workers, and your friends. This has a tremendous positive effect that can help many people.

Today, I’ll be the odd man out in a mask because that is the best health decision for me in the situation. I don’t need to explain it, but I will if someone asks. And I won’t absorb any judgement someone else may make. It is fine for them to feel however they feel, but that won’t affect how I view myself.

I accept that sometimes I must be the odd man out.