I Want To Be The Minority

We listened to a lot of Green Day when my sons were in high school. The song Minority was always in the mix. I think about that song off and on. I’m not sure I WANT to be the minority, but I often feel like I am.

I used to think I was just a contrarian. Now, I don’t think that’s really a fair assessment even though it’s not unusual for me to see things differently from most of the people with whom I interact. Lots of days feel like opposite day in my world.

On car rides, my dad liked to choose a current event and ask my opinion about it. Whatever I said, he’d express the opposite opinion and we’d discuss at length. It was immaterial whether I agreed with what I was saying. What was important was that I be able to think through an issue thoroughly.

That became my habit. Look at something. Explore. Look at it from the other side. Explore. Come up with arguments that support each point of view.

I’m not always sure where I’ll land on an issue, but I routinely have an opportunity to see things from a different perspective before I figure that out. I love it that this became an ingrained habit. I also feel like a sore thumb sometimes.

We are all unique and even if you are more mainstream than I, there will be times you feel different, misunderstood or like your opinion is not valued.

How can you feel good when that happens?

There may be no avoiding feelings of frustration, irritation, annoyance, or anger in the moment. Sometimes, you may momentarily feel less than. However you feel is okay. The key is for those feelings to move through without affecting how you view yourself.

Here are a few things you can do to help:

Set boundaries – There are times you may want to avoid sharing what you think or feel. You’re under no obligation to share if doing so will harm you.

Recognize the power of your voice – When you’re standing alone, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by opposing voices. This can make you feel torn between staying silent and offering your view.

The truth is, you are not as alone as you believe. You may be the only person in a particular room who sees what you see, but there will be many more in other rooms whose voice may not be heard unless you speak up.

Understand the value of your opinion – When others in a discussion have a greater volume of wealth, education, status, position, or force, it’s easy to tell yourself their thoughts matter more than yours.

The interesting thing is that those things may, in fact, limit their knowledge in some areas. That is where you can fill in the gaps.

And even when there is no gap, you may have a take on a situation no one else has considered. If you don’t speak out, no one will benefit from what you have to offer.

Bounce ideas off someone else – Call a friend whose opinion you respect and give your ideas a test run. Sometimes just saying something out loud helps cement your passion for it.

Forgive yourself – If you end up feeling like you’ve spoken when you shouldn’t or held back when you should have spoken, forgive yourself. Decide whether you will revisit the issue or let it go.

You cannot undo what’s been done. You’ll gain nothing from beating yourself up. That same energy can be redirected to exploring what you learned, how you hope to handle things in the future, or practicing gratitude for the opportunity to make a choice.

I have no doubt that I’ll soon be back in a situation in which I want to be the minority. I’m thinking that’s a good thing.

https://hbr.org/2019/03/how-to-speak-up-when-it-matters

Limiting Box or Launching Point?

Guidelines can form a limiting box or a launching point. You probably know someone who uses recipes as loose guidelines and makes delicious food. You probably know someone else who carefully weighs, measures, and strictly adheres to recipes who also makes delicious food.

The way each of us responds to recommendations or guidelines is the result of many factors. It’s easy to just respond and move on without thinking about it, but we may unnecessarily limit ourselves in the process – some by not setting limits and some by not venturing outside limits.

You may already know the camp in which you fit. If not, examine statements A & B below. Which statement feels right to you? Both can be true, but notice the one that feels most natural and comfortable. That will tell you the kind of environment you need to support you so that all guidelines become launching points.

A)Following a recipe means you never have to worry about over-salting.

B)Following a recipe means you have an idea how much salt to start with.

I will always choose B.

I view recipes as a starting point. I know that if I follow one precisely, the result will be good. But I love feeling free to add a dash of cinnamon or substitute honey for sugar. Endless possibilities energize and excite me.

And seeing the possibilities outweighs any worry that my dish may not taste as good as it would if I followed instructions. In fact, I never think about the risk of bad food. In the moment, I feel confident I will make it better.

Sometimes that doesn’t hold true, but that never discourages me from experimenting because that’s where the joy is for me – in the process. If the result is good, bonus! This doesn’t just apply in the kitchen. It guides my life.

For other people, experimenting may feel reckless or stressful. When that’s the case, it is important to create or choose a more structured environment that allows for growth and expansion within comfortable bounds.

Knowing the environment that best supports you will save time and heartache. It can inform your choice of career, housing, romantic partner, and family culture so you can live your dreams.

We all get to design our lives. The better we know ourselves, the more successful we will be in creating a supportive plan that launches us to points beyond what we imagine possible.

Along the way, there will be plenty of people who deliberately throw up roadblocks. Some will be well-intentioned. Others will not. To prevent any deleterious effect, make sure your life plan includes activities and environments in which you feel your presence and contributions are valued. Leaning into activities that make you feel valued, creates a well of positive feelings and energy on which to draw when negativity weighs heavy.

Few of us may surpass our potential, but all of us can approach guidelines in a way that makes them a launching point for creating the life we desire. Let’s kick those limiting boxes to the curb and live our dreams!

Oh, Hornswoggle!

Oh, hornswoggle! I’ve felt so much cognitive dissonance through the pandemic. I had hoped against hope that this feeling would lessen in 2021, but it has not. I need a way to put a marker by something that strikes me wrong so I can decipher why in my own time. I’m choosing the word hornswoggle as my red flag word.

In the strictest terms, hornswoggle means to trick or deceive. Telling me one thing is true while contradicting it with your next sentence feels like trickery. I experience this day after day after day from the news, from Twitter, from blogs that feature headlines contradicted by the story beneath and other blogs that misstate the results of a study.

I feel frustrated and weary from this. When it affects me directly, I feel angry. When it means horrible government and governing, I sometimes feel helpless. I know that my ability to affect positive change is related to the size of my platform and the amount of time and energy I’m willing to devote to my message.

But I have very real time and energy limits. I have priorities that sometimes supersede my public policy concerns. And increasingly, I am choosing to change the flow of my days to a kinder, gentler flow. I can only combat so much hornswoggle in one day. But I can flag it when I see or hear it. And you can too. Perhaps “Oh, hornswoggle!” can become a battle cry to combat misinformation.

Unfortunately, misinformation sometimes comes from seemingly credible sources. Or it’s delivered without full context. This creates loopholes that make it easy to argue with science. I hate this. We need evidence-based information!

I also hate the role that credentialed professionals sometimes play in dissemination of hornswoggle. This is often done with good intentions, but it’s harmful and ultimately creates distrust.

One of the most prevalent themes in hornswoggle is that there’s an immediate fix for everything. Have a pain? Take a pill. Need to lose 10 lbs? Eat only protein. Have PTSD? Try psychedelics. Want to be stronger? Use steroids. Can’t sit still? Take a pill. Annoyed by your kids? Give them a pill. You know the routine.

And many of these solutions work short term. The question is whether they actually promote healing of the underlying problem or just lead to dependence on repeated short-term solutions.

Beyond that, I’ve begun to wonder whether frustration over widespread failure to address underlying problems is contributing to the increase in violence we see playing out at grocery stores, hospitals, and on airplanes. The stats on airplane violence are sobering. Forbes Magazine reports that “Through May, about 2,500 such incidents have been recorded, and those categorized as “unruly” reached 394, compared with well under 200 for each full year of 2019 and 2020.”

And we’re confronted with mass shootings every week. I’m hearing an increase in gunfire in my neighborhood recently. If you’re interested in tracking this particular type of violence, visit the Gun Violence Archive. They’ve been doing evidence-based research since 2013 and the site offers detailed charts.

In addition to glossing over underlying conditions, hornswoggle’s demand for immediacy can impede due process, in-depth conversation, and carefully considered consequences. I can’t see the positive gain from immediacy if those are things we give up. The cost is simply too great.

I think we’re feeling all of this under the surface. When we try to express it, we may be dismissed or demeaned or canceled or bullied or shamed or, very possibly, never acknowledged at all. And then we’re faced with the choice of how to respond.

In order to avoid feeling dismissed, humiliated, shamed, or unheard, some of us suppress how we’re feeling. But at some point, we may not be able to do it any longer. And if anger is the first emotion to reach the surface, it may explode into violence.

I’m not going to tell you that hornswoggle is the cause of all violence or that removing it tomorrow will solve our problems immediately, but seeing it for what it is and refusing to perpetuate the narrative can help raise awareness. Calling hornswoggle when you see it can put a pin in topics that require thorough examination and thoughtful consideration.

And maybe if we slow down a moment, we’ll come to our senses and realize no one should have to repeatedly swallow hornswoggle.

Patient Advocates Can Help

If you are having a tough time navigating medical care, patient advocates can help! Last week I was talking to a friend who recently tore the meniscus in his right knee. He was informed by doctor’s office personnel that he needs surgery. He had a few questions, so he requested a call from the doctor before he scheduled. The response: This is standard care for this type of injury and you don’t need to talk to the doctor. He’s going to tell you the same thing I’m telling you.

My friend was taken aback. As a former Division 1 college basketball player who continued his career playing Masters Basketball, he’s accustomed to superior medical care. He’s also used to being treated as part of the healthcare team. When I told him his experience was not uncommon for the average patient, he was shocked. He also wasn’t sure what to do next.

After some searching, I found the information for the associated hospital’s patient experience team and sent him a link. Unfortunately, it wasn’t as simple as a single search within their website. It took several tries with several keyword variations. This is also not uncommon. It is unfortunate.

The healthcare system is often hard to navigate. When you feel sick, injured, and vulnerable, it can be next to impossible. That’s when a patient advocate can help. If you have a family member who is capable and available to serve in this role, that is ideal. But many of us do not have that.

So, how do you find an advocate when you need one? If you use a clinic associated with a hospital, that hospital may have an office of patient experience. Sometimes it may be called the office of patient and family centered care (PFCC). Sometimes just using the keywords patient centered care will get you to the proper place. Other hospitals will have someone on staff called a patient advocate. If you don’t want to search online, call your local hospital and ask for the extension for the patient advocate or patient experience office.

Patient advocates may have a degree in social work or nursing, but they are not functioning in the same role as a hospital social worker or a nurse. They are more like your own personal communications team. When you run into an obstacle like the one my friend did, an advocate can talk to both parties and help find a solution that works for both.

They can also help you understand a doctor’s instructions, help you seek a second opinion, and help you sort through different treatment options. An advocate can assist your family in understanding how they can support you. Because they work within the system you are seeking to navigate, an advocate may have many avenues for solving a problem that you would not know about.

Not all advocates work for a specific institution. Some work for state health departments. Others work for independent services. When dealing with long-term care, you may receive similar services from an ombudsman program.

It’s always hard to ask for help, especially when you feel vulnerable. Learning about the programs available in your area when you’re well is a great way to prepare. The Beryl Institute gives awards to institutions and professionals that innovate ways to improve the patient experience. If you are a member of an underserved population, Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS) may have a specialized program to assist you.

You are an important member of your healthcare team. It is important that the rest of the team collaborate with you to achieve the best outcome. That includes creating a treatment plan that considers what’s most important to you. In order to do that, the team must share information and treat you with dignity and respect. Anything less is unacceptable.

There is a shift toward prioritizing the patient experience because it has become a significant measure of hospital quality. That means, now more than ever before, patient advocates and patient experience specialists are available to assist you.

I wish this had been true when I was struggling to get a diagnosis for psittacosis and then celiac disease. But I am grateful things are changing. I feel better knowing that when I need them, patient advocates can help!