Tag: overwhelm

Turn Down The Volume

When a nine-year-old says things are hard, as one did to me recently, things must be hard. CDC statics show an increase in prevalence of depression from 2013 – 2023 with a steep rise since 2020. A majority of people I know refuse to watch the news because it makes them feel anxious.

blurry city lights

While it’s normal for life to be hard, ignorance can only be bliss for a limited amount of time. We need to find a way to both deal with the inevitable blows of life and live calm, peaceful, balanced lives.

I suppose the question is, how do you thrive when it feels like you’re being bombarded all the time?

My take is different from the trend of cutting off people you disagree with, avoiding new or conflicting information, and finding some place to entrench yourself and holding on while things change around you. We all know that the longest standing trees bend in the wind.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t have principles that you stand by. Principles are grounding.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t have boundaries. Boundaries are critical for holding space for yourself and your values.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t factor in moments of escape from everyday reality.

What I will posit is that we can get huge benefit from doing one thing. And if we all do it, the culture will become more tolerant and easier to tolerate.

What is that one thing? Turn down the volume.

Let’s start with the literal. I walked into a quiet room the other day and immediately felt my shoulders relax. Whether it’s news, sports, reality TV, or scripted shows, things have been pumped to a volume that is constantly screaming. And muddy sound sometimes means the volume has to be higher to hear some frequencies.

This can be combatted by getting headsets and lowering the volume, lowering the volume on every device, sending the kids in the other room, and even, radically, turning off all the devices.

Then there’s the more figurative. You turn down the volume when you stop engaging with rage bait on social media, stop watching competition TV, turn off cop shows that have a high volume of gunfire. Seriously, try this for a week and see if you begin each day in a more relaxed place.

We’ve become so inured by the fevered pitch of our environment we sometimes don’t recognize how ramped up we’ve become. But our bodies still feel it. Our amygdala prepares for battle. Cortisol levels rise. And few have enough time for mindfulness practices like yoga to fully counter the effects. Naturally, we feel anxious!

If you think I’m exaggerating about the current environment and its effects, take a minute to read the thumbnail headlines following a YouTube search for news. You’ll quickly learn that someone or something is a bombshell, falling apart, losing it, doomed, torched, unravelling, over, panicking, brutal, major, alarming, in shambles, or devastating! Every noun, verb, and adverb is superlative, heightened, and over the top.

We live in a world of competition for clicks. Everything is extreme!

Normalizing extreme language and behavior contributes to anxiety. Feeling caught in the bombardment and helpless to change it contributes to depression.

While it is true that there are many things we cannot control, we can calm our environment by controlling things we can.

Kids ramping up the bad behavior to get your attention? Stop and give them 10 minutes.

Read before bed instead of watching TV.

Change your viewing habits.

Turn down the volume when you use a device.

Create device free blocks of time.

Go outside and look, listen, smell and observe.

Dim the lights or use warm white lightbulbs rather than blue ones.

Knit, crochet, needlepoint, sew, collage, color, paint, or just doodle.

Replace unnecessary catastrophic language with situationally appropriate words.

Discuss appropriate levels of response with your children. Dropping ice cream doesn’t warrant the same level of response as a broken arm. Model this for them as well.

Once you lower the volume and reduce the noise that’s currently bombarding you, your tolerance for many things will increase. You may find you can tolerate family that has differing opinions because you’re not beginning from a braced position. You may accomplish more because your brain can focus more easily on the task at hand instead of expending energy to tune out distraction.

You may find you feel like you can do things that previously seemed overwhelming. And that’s a great place from which to implement all the improvement plans you haven’t been able to face.

And just imagine what would happen if we all turned down the volume at the same time. That’s the calm baseline I’d like underpinning every interaction.

When you feel yourself start to spin, turn down the volume. Give it a minute and start fresh. Sometimes that is all it takes to make a huge difference in your day.

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db527.htm#section_1

Sometimes You Have to Stop in Order to Start

Today is a great reminder that sometimes you have to stop in order to start. I am organized, efficient, and a solid multitasker with the ability to make long-term and short-term plans at the same time. I can make a great backward timeline. I am known as flexible, resourceful, and a problem solver, but today I am spinning.
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There are simply so many things on my schedule requiring input from so many people in such a short time frame, that It’s hard for me to slow my mind down enough to begin anything. When I do, I see the 10 other related things that must be handled and I feel like quitting before I start.

I know it would be easy to send me organizational tips, instructions on setting boundaries, encouraging affirmations, and reminders that this too shall pass. I’d prefer you show up with a home cooked gluten-free meal, clean up my kitchen, fold the laundry, wash my car, fill it with gas, pick up the mail, collect from my two renters who are behind, locate the contractor who keeps failing to show up, and contact the bank about the suspicious activity on my account while I attend to the lengthy list that remains.

Sometimes life is overwhelming. Each of us has a limit to what we can handle — physically and emotionally. A little difficulty helps us develop resilience, but too much can send our defenses springing into action. Those defenses may look like many things, but they often involve disruptive or destructive behavior: failing to follow our health regimen, drinking too much, acting demanding or controlling, hoarding, neglecting responsibilities, fighting, aligning with dangerous people, seeking to be rescued, playing the martyr, excessive spending, and more.

As my morning reminded me, it’s better to recognize how I’m feeling and stop before I hit the point of spinning out of control. I know it sounds crazy to stop everything when there’s too much to be done. After all, how will you make up that time?

While you won’t get more time in a day, stopping will allow you to be more productive as you move forward. Over time, that will make up the difference. Today, after deciding that a 30 minute wait on the line with the bank was not how I wanted to spend my time, I walked away from my desk and my list and worked out. Paying attention to my breath and my workout allowed me to recenter my focus.

When I came back downstairs, I began doing one task at a time and marking them off the list. I may not get done with today’s list. I may have to work late, or reschedule something later this week. I may have to say no to something I really want to do. I’m not going to worry about any of that right now. Until 5pm, I’m simply going to work diligently down my list. At the end of the day, I’ll see where I am and adjust accordingly.

Experience has taught me that I’ll typically have accomplished way more than I believed I could. It also has taught me to be kind to myself. At the end of the day, I will rest if I’m tired — at least for an hour or two and I will be open to renewal.
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It’s easy to deny ourselves renewal when there’s no time for a vacation or a full day off, but renewal is available in small doses all around us: noticing how good the breeze feels, watching an herb garden grow taller and smell wonderfully appetizing, receiving and embracing appreciation or a compliment, enjoying the sunset, laughing, or learning something new.

At the end of each day, I write down the things that made me feel good that day. Armed with these lists, I can intentionally repeat and build on those things so that I gradually feel good more often in spite of many current unexpected and difficult life events.

Like yoga or gratitude or shame resilience, building good feelings can be practiced. Like other practices, the more I practice the more proficient I become. And who doesn’t want to become more proficient in feeling good? I just have to remember that sometimes I have to stop in order to start.