relish

Relish (noun) adds flavor. It can take a dish from humble to worthy of mention. Fully absorbing the flavor, texture, and pleasure of that dish is to relish (verb) it. Both are important.

If we’re too hurried, worried, or distracted to savor our food, the little extras don’t mean as much. They may even go unnoticed or unappreciated. As it is with food, so it is with life.

Relishes need the right combination of flavors, perfect cut of ingredients, pleasing texture, and taste that enhances the dish they accompany. There’s a local Brazilian restaurant that serves black beans and rice with a tiny bit of collard green salad and tomato relish. It’s the two tiny additions that take the dish from common to something worthy of mention.

When life is moving along according to our usual routine, we often fail to relish the quiet, peaceful, moments that bring beauty and inspiration. We don’t notice new blossoms on the lemon tree or the smell of freshly mown grass. We hurry our kids through bath and bedtime instead of basking in cuddles. If we don’t lean in and relish the good parts of life, we lack balance, respite, and lingering moments that feed our souls.

Unfortunately, many of us favor doing over being and measure success in possessions, net worth, and number of activities in which we participate. In fact, this has become the norm to which we are encouraged to aspire. This makes for a shallow way to live and the culture pays a price for it in less life satisfaction, less connection within our families and communities, and less value placed on integrity.

We’ve reached the point it sometimes appears as though we see no virtue in leaning into happiness and joy. Oh we want to be happy, but we expect that state to find us in the midst of our frenetic activity. If it did, would we even notice? In fact, it is most likely lingering in the background every day. We just aren’t in a position to embrace it.

Those of us who have lived for any length of time with unpredictability, chaos, poverty, or violence may be routinely braced for the other shoe to drop. A defensive stance is a reasonable response to those situations, but the lingering effects can make it difficult to relax and feel joy. Instead of feeling the good, a wave of happiness can’t penetrate because, as the character Carmen Berzotto says in The Bear, “There’s always another shoe.” It seems logical that feeling happiness and joy will be difficult when your life experience has been skewed by a monsoon of falling shoes.

When happiness feels dangerous and joy is illusive, we may need a bridge to transition from bracing to embracing. The best bridge will be different for everyone. The important thing is to recognize that there’s nothing wrong with needing a bridge. Discomfort is part of the package. Eventually, it will subside.

In the meantime, providing yourself something to ease that discomfort can be the little extra that, like relish, elevates you to a point you can linger in warmth, comfort, peacefulness, and joy. A bridge can be made of any combination of elements. I like to keep it simple so that the bridge doesn’t become a distraction in and of itself.

I’ve used the somatic experiencing (SE) technique of sitting in a circle of rope (a visible boundary) and naming all the physical sensations I feel. Grounding is also a good tool – plant your feet firmly on the floor and press. If that’s not enough, count all the objects of a certain color in the room while pressing into the floor. These tools help calm your lower brain.

Yoga, meditation, and breathing techniques are also great tools for helping the body know you’re not in danger. And they don’t distort your perceptions in the way pharmaceutical solutions can.

If you can feel happiness and joy, but feel it’s lacking in depth or frequency, a more gentle reminder to lean in may be sufficient. A new or differently worn bracelet or ring can be a visible signal to slow down and lean into little flashes of pleasant feeling instead of rushing toward the next task. A tattoo, embroidered motto, or inspirational quote on your screensaver can also work. Just like relish recipes, there are millions of possibilities.

Tangy, sweet, spicy, herby, crunchy, or balanced. Relish can be tailored to enhance your dish.

Relishing happiness and joy can be tailored to enhance your life.

Right Sized Relish Tray

Curb the food waste when you use these products to create a right sized relish tray! I recently cleaned out my refrigerator and threw away open jars of green olives, Kalamata olives, sweet pickles, and dill pickles. I hated to do it, but they had been open way too long. When you live alone, it’s easy to tire of something before it’s used up.

Many of my get-togethers are impromptu. I like to be able to reach in the cupboard and refrigerator and quickly assemble a relish tray. The problem with that is that many of these gatherings are just two or three people including me. A full-size jar of pickles, one of olives, and one of banana peppers is waaaay too much for 3 people especially when you add some carrot sticks & celery or nuts & fruit. The result is that jars get opened, but not emptied.

I’m always attempting to right size my purchases which requires constant reevaluation. Buying yogurt in single servings is not cost efficient because I can consume a larger container in a few days. Buying two peeled boiled eggs in a package also makes no sense because I use eggs often. I may as well buy a dozen and boil a few here & there. On the other hand, a half gallon of any kind of milk is way too much for me to consume before it spoils.
relish
Immediately following a refrigerator purge, I’m especially uneasy about refilling pantry space with things I just had to throw away. The other day, I was walking slowly by the pickles in Natural Grocers trying to decide whether or not to purchase anything when I happened upon a great solution. Sitting right in front of me were small packages of olives, gherkins, and marinated cauliflower!

The packaging bills these as snacks. Each resealable bag contains 3 to 4.5 servings without liquid which makes them great for snacking, but I immediately saw the potential for solving my relish tray waste problem! I love it when a solution is just a matter of paying attention!

The Gaea cauliflower and gherkin snacks are vegan, gluten-free, and contain nothing artificial. The cauliflower is marinated in extra virgin olive oil and lemon essential oil. The mini gherkins are marinated in extra virgin olive oil and vinegar enhanced by salt, garlic, and coriander. A serving of either one equals a half serving of vegetables and has 5 (gherkins) or 10 (cauliflower) calories.

All of that sounds good. How do they taste? I like the crunch of the cauliflower. It leaves a lemony aftertaste on the palate. The gherkins are teeny tiny and adorable. They are not the traditional sweet, crunchy gherkins you’re used to. The most prominent flavor is salt and the texture is less crisp. Both of these would benefit from a pairing with something to balance the saltiness.

The Mediterranean Organic olives are pitted, organic and non-GMO. A serving of green olives has 20 calories and is flavored with salt, parsley, basil, and thyme in addition to olive oil, sunflower oil, and white wine vinegar. The Kalamata olives have 40 calories per serving and are flavored with salt, red pepper, oregano, thyme, and cumin in addition to the same oils and vinegar.

Both olive selections are more traditional in taste, but have an oiliness not found in jarred olives. I don’t mind this so much because it keeps the olives feeling moist. It might be a bigger issue if I were eating these as a car snack. I’d have to be sure to have a napkin handy.

As far as packaging goes, I wasn’t very successful using the tear tab on the olives. I either ended up ripping the entire side of the package rendering it unsealable or I pulled so lightly that I had to use scissors just to get the thing open. The pull up tab on the Gaea packages was much easier to use.

If you prefer to have more flexibility, you can also choose PearlsR Olives to Go. Four individual serving cups per package allow you to customize the ratios of black pitted, pimento stuffed green, and pitted Kalamata olives on your relish tray. The flavor selections have recently expanded to include Sriracha, Taco, and Italian Herb infused ripe olives.

It’s been awhile since I’ve eaten Olives to Go and I’ve only tried the sliced black olives. The flavor was exactly like jarred olives, but they were drier. I don’t mean dried out, just drier. I have not tried the new infused flavors. The Olives to Go cups cannot be resealed, but they are easy to open.

Have I found a right size relish tray solution? I have made progress. Keeping the Gaea cauliflower and Mediterranean Organic Kalamata olives on hand gives me two good small serving choices. The Sriracha Olives to Go sound like something interesting to add as well. I like the idea of having a spicy choice on the tray.

At this point, I’ll probably stick with a sweet, crunchy gherkin. I may not use all of them in a reasonable amount of time, but at least I’ll have accomplished my goal of keeping relish tray ingredients on hand while reducing my food waste. I feel good about that.

https://www.mediterraneanorganic.com/med_organic_product_description?upc=81498500224

https://www.mediterraneanorganic.com/med_organic_product_description?upc=81498500225

https://www.olives.com/pearls/product-locator.php

http://www.cooking2thrive.com/blog/haste-not-waste/

http://www.cooking2thrive.com/blog/whats-worth-preserving/

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

When You Least Feel Like a Party is When You Need One

table When you least feel like a party is when you need one most. I’m tired. My sons are worn out. The holidays are here with family expectations to fill. Sounds like a nightmare! So what am I doing? Planning a party. Have I lost my mind? Maybe, but here’s what I’m thinking…

It’s been an unusual year. I lost my mother. With that my sister & I inherited 3 tenants and numerous properties to clean up and oversee. I inherited my 96-year-old cousin’s care. Soon after, she broke her leg. She’s been to the hospital, rehab, temporary long-term care, rehab, and now to permanent long-term care. Add her house to the properties I’m maintaining — all of which are 3 hours away from where I live.

My ex-husband lost his mother. My kids lost two grandmothers. One son got married 1700 miles away just a month after the other had a baby. I had to be at each place for each event. One son starts finals today for his 5th semester in law school. The other one is working 18 hours a day to please some difficult clients.

I’ve traveled many times, accommodated extended family, sorted boxes of papers, dealt with appraisers, lawyers, and bankers, gathered information for 4 tax returns, and now keep my 4-month-old grandson two to three days a week. Oh, and I work.

Blah, blah, blah. The point is, we’re all stretched so thin physically, intellectually, and emotionally, we’re not much help to each other. In order to keep our sanity, we all have to be focused on self-care and being patient with each other. I won’t say it’s easy. I certainly won’t say it’s fun.

Which brings me back to the party planning. In my previous job, I had lots of people contact. In my current job, I have very little. Most of my people time is spent with the helpless. While I’m not a full-time care giver, I am experiencing some of the isolation that can result from overwhelming obligations at home. I recognize that I need more lighthearted moments, more joy, more fun!

I am not alone. In the US, about 43.5 million people have provided unpaid care to a child or adult in the past 12 months. About 75% of those are women. Unpaid caregivers report that positive activities in their daily lives are reduced by 27.2% as a result of caregiving activities.(1) And the truth is, when you’re emotionally and physically exhausted, it’s harder to enjoy anything.

I have no patience left for immature or selfish behavior. I don’t even have the energy to get mad about it. It just reduces me to tears which makes it even harder to socialize. I feel like I have to have my guard up or I might start crying. I have plenty of tears. I hold them in when I’m encouraging my cousin to overcome her fear and try to stand. I hold them in when the long-term care facility staff tries to push me into changing doctors. I hold them in when the facility staff can’t find the time to call me when the doctor’s orders change, but can call and email me repeatedly over internal staff gossip. I hold them in when we have to remain on the waiting list at a better facility for months and months.

Aware of the sheer number of tasks I must accomplish and the stress they bring, I regularly prioritize eating healthy, exercise, and rest. I recognize I must or I’ll be consumed by the weight of the responsibilities. What I haven’t done as well is spend time with people who renew me. While it may be lumping them altogether, a party seems like a good way to spend some time with my friends and have some fun. With a little planning, I think I can pull off an event that leaves me more energized than exhausted.

First, I’m carefully choosing the participants. I only want to invite people with whom I feel I can be myself. I am including those who leave me feeling upbeat. I am leaving for another time, friends who require emotional support themselves, special treatment to avoid offending them, and anyone who leaves me feeling drained for any reason. I’m not hesitating to include people I don’t know well, but who I feel good about. This can help me expand my circle of support.

Second, I’m partnering with some friends. My house is filled with baby stuff and I don’t have time to decorate for the holidays. A friend has agreed to host at her house. That eliminates clean-up and decorating time for me! The other friend travels for work, so she can run by the liquor store and provide drinks. Both are inviting their friends. I have an opportunity to meet new people who may turn out to be new friends.

Third, we’re throwing this together the week of the party. That means no time to build it up in my mind into something big. It also means I’m texting the invitations and not worrying about who can or can’t show up.

Fourth, I’m choosing food I can prepare in advance over a period of days. With one friend hosting and another bringing the drinks, much of the food falls to me. I’m keeping it simple. Party mix, sausage balls, and individual panna cotta topped with leftover cranberry/orange relish. I have milk and cream left from Thanksgiving so this is a great chance to use it.

I can supplement with a relish tray, some Wholly Guacamole with chips, and fresh veggies with hummus purchased from the store. Since I’ll be providing the food, I know there are plenty of gluten-free choices. That means I don’t have to worry about pre-eating or carrying food for me in my purse.

Finally, I intend to be mindful and present at the party. I want to fully experience the friends who show up. And, I intend to be open to receiving. If someone compliments me, I will take a moment to feel and appreciate the compliment. If someone offers assistance, help, or relief, I will accept it. If something is funny, I’ll laugh. I will not make anyone else’s enjoyment my responsibility. I will express appreciation to those I appreciate.

Yes, it can feel like a stretch for me to plan a frivolous event right now, but I know it’s important to my long-term mental and physical health and my family isn’t available to help at the moment. If I can shoulder the care of helpless relatives, I can undertake some self-care on my own behalf. It is not selfish. It is necessary.

If you have a caregiver in your family, please give them a break this holiday season. Don’t complain if the house isn’t decorated, a large meal isn’t planned, your present isn’t exactly what you wanted, or if they don’t want (or do want) to discuss how things are going at the dinner table.

Instead, do the dishes, take a shift with the person for whom they care, express appreciation even if it’s just for the effort it took to get you a gift and wrap it, invite them to a party or, better yet, plan a party for them ’cause when they least feel like a party is when they need one most.

1) https://www.caregiver.org/caregiver-statistics-demographics