Relish (noun) adds flavor. It can take a dish from humble to worthy of mention. Fully absorbing the flavor, texture, and pleasure of that dish is to relish (verb) it. Both are important.
If we’re too hurried, worried, or distracted to savor our food, the little extras don’t mean as much. They may even go unnoticed or unappreciated. As it is with food, so it is with life.
Relishes need the right combination of flavors, perfect cut of ingredients, pleasing texture, and taste that enhances the dish they accompany. There’s a local Brazilian restaurant that serves black beans and rice with a tiny bit of collard green salad and tomato relish. It’s the two tiny additions that take the dish from common to something worthy of mention.
When life is moving along according to our usual routine, we often fail to relish the quiet, peaceful, moments that bring beauty and inspiration. We don’t notice new blossoms on the lemon tree or the smell of freshly mown grass. We hurry our kids through bath and bedtime instead of basking in cuddles. If we don’t lean in and relish the good parts of life, we lack balance, respite, and lingering moments that feed our souls.
Unfortunately, many of us favor doing over being and measure success in possessions, net worth, and number of activities in which we participate. In fact, this has become the norm to which we are encouraged to aspire. This makes for a shallow way to live and the culture pays a price for it in less life satisfaction, less connection within our families and communities, and less value placed on integrity.
We’ve reached the point it sometimes appears as though we see no virtue in leaning into happiness and joy. Oh we want to be happy, but we expect that state to find us in the midst of our frenetic activity. If it did, would we even notice? In fact, it is most likely lingering in the background every day. We just aren’t in a position to embrace it.
Those of us who have lived for any length of time with unpredictability, chaos, poverty, or violence may be routinely braced for the other shoe to drop. A defensive stance is a reasonable response to those situations, but the lingering effects can make it difficult to relax and feel joy. Instead of feeling the good, a wave of happiness can’t penetrate because, as the character Carmen Berzotto says in The Bear, “There’s always another shoe.” It seems logical that feeling happiness and joy will be difficult when your life experience has been skewed by a monsoon of falling shoes.
When happiness feels dangerous and joy is illusive, we may need a bridge to transition from bracing to embracing. The best bridge will be different for everyone. The important thing is to recognize that there’s nothing wrong with needing a bridge. Discomfort is part of the package. Eventually, it will subside.
In the meantime, providing yourself something to ease that discomfort can be the little extra that, like relish, elevates you to a point you can linger in warmth, comfort, peacefulness, and joy. A bridge can be made of any combination of elements. I like to keep it simple so that the bridge doesn’t become a distraction in and of itself.
I’ve used the somatic experiencing (SE) technique of sitting in a circle of rope (a visible boundary) and naming all the physical sensations I feel. Grounding is also a good tool – plant your feet firmly on the floor and press. If that’s not enough, count all the objects of a certain color in the room while pressing into the floor. These tools help calm your lower brain.
Yoga, meditation, and breathing techniques are also great tools for helping the body know you’re not in danger. And they don’t distort your perceptions in the way pharmaceutical solutions can.
If you can feel happiness and joy, but feel it’s lacking in depth or frequency, a more gentle reminder to lean in may be sufficient. A new or differently worn bracelet or ring can be a visible signal to slow down and lean into little flashes of pleasant feeling instead of rushing toward the next task. A tattoo, embroidered motto, or inspirational quote on your screensaver can also work. Just like relish recipes, there are millions of possibilities.
Tangy, sweet, spicy, herby, crunchy, or balanced. Relish can be tailored to enhance your dish.
Relishing happiness and joy can be tailored to enhance your life.
