party – in thriver words

Another Appetizer

There’s a party in my neighborhood this week and the hostess has requested another appetizer. I don’t want to take the skewers I took to the last neighborhood party, so I’ve been looking at lists hoping for a spark of inspiration.

two stuffed mushrooms on plate with fork

I’d usually peruse my pantry and fridge and build a dish around things I have available. Because of this year’s travel, I’m not stocked with as many options as usual. And I can’t really plan around the garden because I was late getting it started. The only thing currently plentiful is blackberries.

I considered blackberry something, but I kept ending up in the dessert category or back at skewers. Next, I did what most of us do – a search. The screen showed me link after link to lists of appetizers. You’d think I’d have too many options.

While there are plenty I could choose, there’s so much crossover that the lists are filled with things I’m pretty sure someone else will bring – deviled eggs, meatballs, stuffed mushrooms, spinach dip. I’d like to do something different.

There’s no pressure, I just prefer to play with something different. On the other hand, I understand there’s something comforting in being able to count on Kim to bring potato salad and Stephen dessert bars. A much-loved specialty adds to the happy anticipation before the event and the feeling of cohesive community.

Perhaps I should hit somewhere in the middle and take a variation on a familiar theme. My most repeated party appetizer is stuffed mushrooms. My favorite recipe fills them with fresh garlic, GF breadcrumbs, mozzarella, Parmesan, parsley, salt, pepper, and butter. I could change the filling to pecans, cheddar, hot sauce, Worcestershire, salt, pepper, and mayo or to

breakfast sausage, fire roasted sweet red pepper, onion, sour cream, Parmesan, Romano, and mozzarella.

You could hit the same balance with your favorite potluck appetizer. If you prefer to contribute coleslaw, change it up with lime cilantro coleslaw or broccoli slaw. If you usually take potato salad, try Caesar potato salad, German potato salad, or corn and potato salad. Meatball variations could include barbecue or Swedish.

Using variations on a theme is appealing from the preparation side as well. There’s a pleasant sweet spot that’s easily found when working with trusted ingredients. Using them in new ways keeps kitchen work from becoming a drudgery.

Last year, I had a large cucumber crop, so I played with them a lot. Building on that experience, I believe I’ll try deviled cucumbers for this week’s party. I love cucumbers when it’s hot and this week is hot!

If you’d like to follow my lead, don’t spend tons of time reviewing lists, reading unfamiliar recipes, guessing how much time a dish will take, and searching for ingredients, start with the tried and true and go from there. Pairing familiar comfort with exciting change can take your dish from just another appetizer to something that can entice family, friends, and neighbors to attend the party!

Have fun!

When You Least Feel Like a Party is When You Need One

table When you least feel like a party is when you need one most. I’m tired. My sons are worn out. The holidays are here with family expectations to fill. Sounds like a nightmare! So what am I doing? Planning a party. Have I lost my mind? Maybe, but here’s what I’m thinking…

It’s been an unusual year. I lost my mother. With that my sister & I inherited 3 tenants and numerous properties to clean up and oversee. I inherited my 96-year-old cousin’s care. Soon after, she broke her leg. She’s been to the hospital, rehab, temporary long-term care, rehab, and now to permanent long-term care. Add her house to the properties I’m maintaining — all of which are 3 hours away from where I live.

My ex-husband lost his mother. My kids lost two grandmothers. One son got married 1700 miles away just a month after the other had a baby. I had to be at each place for each event. One son starts finals today for his 5th semester in law school. The other one is working 18 hours a day to please some difficult clients.

I’ve traveled many times, accommodated extended family, sorted boxes of papers, dealt with appraisers, lawyers, and bankers, gathered information for 4 tax returns, and now keep my 4-month-old grandson two to three days a week. Oh, and I work.

Blah, blah, blah. The point is, we’re all stretched so thin physically, intellectually, and emotionally, we’re not much help to each other. In order to keep our sanity, we all have to be focused on self-care and being patient with each other. I won’t say it’s easy. I certainly won’t say it’s fun.

Which brings me back to the party planning. In my previous job, I had lots of people contact. In my current job, I have very little. Most of my people time is spent with the helpless. While I’m not a full-time care giver, I am experiencing some of the isolation that can result from overwhelming obligations at home. I recognize that I need more lighthearted moments, more joy, more fun!

I am not alone. In the US, about 43.5 million people have provided unpaid care to a child or adult in the past 12 months. About 75% of those are women. Unpaid caregivers report that positive activities in their daily lives are reduced by 27.2% as a result of caregiving activities.(1) And the truth is, when you’re emotionally and physically exhausted, it’s harder to enjoy anything.

I have no patience left for immature or selfish behavior. I don’t even have the energy to get mad about it. It just reduces me to tears which makes it even harder to socialize. I feel like I have to have my guard up or I might start crying. I have plenty of tears. I hold them in when I’m encouraging my cousin to overcome her fear and try to stand. I hold them in when the long-term care facility staff tries to push me into changing doctors. I hold them in when the facility staff can’t find the time to call me when the doctor’s orders change, but can call and email me repeatedly over internal staff gossip. I hold them in when we have to remain on the waiting list at a better facility for months and months.

Aware of the sheer number of tasks I must accomplish and the stress they bring, I regularly prioritize eating healthy, exercise, and rest. I recognize I must or I’ll be consumed by the weight of the responsibilities. What I haven’t done as well is spend time with people who renew me. While it may be lumping them altogether, a party seems like a good way to spend some time with my friends and have some fun. With a little planning, I think I can pull off an event that leaves me more energized than exhausted.

First, I’m carefully choosing the participants. I only want to invite people with whom I feel I can be myself. I am including those who leave me feeling upbeat. I am leaving for another time, friends who require emotional support themselves, special treatment to avoid offending them, and anyone who leaves me feeling drained for any reason. I’m not hesitating to include people I don’t know well, but who I feel good about. This can help me expand my circle of support.

Second, I’m partnering with some friends. My house is filled with baby stuff and I don’t have time to decorate for the holidays. A friend has agreed to host at her house. That eliminates clean-up and decorating time for me! The other friend travels for work, so she can run by the liquor store and provide drinks. Both are inviting their friends. I have an opportunity to meet new people who may turn out to be new friends.

Third, we’re throwing this together the week of the party. That means no time to build it up in my mind into something big. It also means I’m texting the invitations and not worrying about who can or can’t show up.

Fourth, I’m choosing food I can prepare in advance over a period of days. With one friend hosting and another bringing the drinks, much of the food falls to me. I’m keeping it simple. Party mix, sausage balls, and individual panna cotta topped with leftover cranberry/orange relish. I have milk and cream left from Thanksgiving so this is a great chance to use it.

I can supplement with a relish tray, some Wholly Guacamole with chips, and fresh veggies with hummus purchased from the store. Since I’ll be providing the food, I know there are plenty of gluten-free choices. That means I don’t have to worry about pre-eating or carrying food for me in my purse.

Finally, I intend to be mindful and present at the party. I want to fully experience the friends who show up. And, I intend to be open to receiving. If someone compliments me, I will take a moment to feel and appreciate the compliment. If someone offers assistance, help, or relief, I will accept it. If something is funny, I’ll laugh. I will not make anyone else’s enjoyment my responsibility. I will express appreciation to those I appreciate.

Yes, it can feel like a stretch for me to plan a frivolous event right now, but I know it’s important to my long-term mental and physical health and my family isn’t available to help at the moment. If I can shoulder the care of helpless relatives, I can undertake some self-care on my own behalf. It is not selfish. It is necessary.

If you have a caregiver in your family, please give them a break this holiday season. Don’t complain if the house isn’t decorated, a large meal isn’t planned, your present isn’t exactly what you wanted, or if they don’t want (or do want) to discuss how things are going at the dinner table.

Instead, do the dishes, take a shift with the person for whom they care, express appreciation even if it’s just for the effort it took to get you a gift and wrap it, invite them to a party or, better yet, plan a party for them ’cause when they least feel like a party is when they need one most.

1) https://www.caregiver.org/caregiver-statistics-demographics

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Cake Pops – Things Aren’t Always What They Seem!

Things aren’t always what they seem – no matter how many kits exist, you don’t need any specialized equipment to make cake pops even when they’re gluten-free! This weekend, I hosted a party that featured gourmet ice lollies. In keeping with the treat-on-a-stick theme, I also served gluten-free chocolate dipped chocolate cake pops.

Now I’ve seen lots of special cake pop baking kits in department stores, drug stores, and online. Usually, they include two pans with half-moon shaped indentions that fit together to shape your batter into a sphere while it bakes. I had the idea that these were a necessity and I was a bit worried about my gluten-free batter filling out the cups and holding together once I placed it on a stick.

All that worry was for nothing. You don’t need special pans to make a rich, delicious cake pop that holds together beautifully even when your batter is gluten-free. I was delighted to learn that the traditional pop is made using a cake that has been baked, cooled, and crumbled. The crumbs then have butter, cream cheese and confectioner’s sugar added to them to create a moist, sticky batter ball that easily holds to a stick.

I creamed together 4 tbsp softened butter, 8 oz softened cream cheese, and two cups of confectioner’s sugar to add to the crumbs from a 9 x 12 inch sheet cake. In addition to these ingredients, I used lollipop sticks, meltable chocolate candy coating, and edible confetti to finish the pops.
sticks
Once a lollipop stick is inserted into a small ball of the sticky batter, a quick dip in melted candy coating and a sprinkle of confetti, sanding sugar, sprinkles, or other decorative topping renders a fun or sophisticated finished pop. Placing the pops in the freezer for 15 – 20 minutes prior to adding the coating will help them hold onto the stick while they are dipped in warm candy coating.

Not only can the look of cake pops be adapted to any party theme, the pops can be made in advance and stored uncoated in the refrigerator or coated and decorated in the freezer until the day of an event. I always prep as many items as I can in advance for a party, so having an item that can be easily stored makes me really happy.

If, like me, you’ve avoided tackling cake pops because the whole process seemed like it would be difficult, you’ll be relieved to know that making this fun treat is much easier than it seems and there’s no special equipment required!