Tag: change

Forget Super Bowl Snacks

Forget Super Bowl Snacks. In fact, forget the Super Bowl. Settle down. I’m not against football, Taylor Swift, or the big game. I enjoy football, but I didn’t watch the game yesterday. I decided my time could be better spent changing the status quo.

American football in sharp focus on green grass

We’re so often rocked by the stress of change, especially unavoidable change, that we fail to examine a status quo that does not serve us well. Areas in which we’ve found a groove can stick for decades even while we complain about the toll of those very areas.

Are we afraid, lazy, in denial, numbing, or just too tired from our everyday responsibilities to take on one more change? Probably all of the above. But does that mean we should resign ourselves to however things are right this minute?

I say no. I think it’s worth exploring what happens when we change one thing and stick to it. By not watching the Super Bowl, I learned I didn’t miss the ads at all. I didn’t miss the casual acquaintance getting drunk and puking on the carpet at a watch party. I didn’t really care whether Kendrick Lamar taunted Drake although I’m curious whether that will affect Drake’s lawsuit. I did want to know the score around halftime and at the end and I hoped Taylor and Travis would have a sweet moment together on camera. And now that I realize it, I didn’t think about Tom Brady at all.

We’ve hit February. Most of us have abandoned any New Years Resolutions and are most likely back to the routines we had before the end of last year. So what is the point of short-lived changes if we don’t learn something along the way?

And why only experiment at the beginning of the year? Why not try changes all year long?

Next up, I’m exploring new foods sources as well as prep and cooking schedules. If those changes, I’ll need to review my cleaning efficiency. Because, yep you guessed it, changing one thing brings an opportunity to change other related things.

Treating each change as an experiment allows me to learn what is and is not important to me, how much I will notice any loss, and how I may want to do things differently in the future. Keeping the experiment going all year means I’m building constant improvement.

The Super Bowl experiment was easy. Challenging family norms or traditions is more complex, but the knowledge gained is more significant. Admittedly sometimes sadder or more painful, but still important and often freeing.

This year as I continue letting go of things that are not serving me well, I invite you to join me. Who knows, we may all find renewed enthusiasm and purpose along the way. And I’ll venture a guess that we’ll be healthier as well.

I now know I can go without the Super Bowl and not feel any sort of loss at all and I didn’t even miss the snacks. In fact, forget Super Bowl snacks.

https://www.cooking2thrive.com/blog/super-bowl-snacks-variations-theme/

What You Resist

“What you resist persists.” – Carl Jung

Said in other ways: What you avoid persists; what you fail to learn persists; what remains hidden in your subconscious persists; what trauma traps in your body persists. And very often, we actively invite or create what we most hope to avoid in our lives.

Pogo creator Walt Kelly wrote a parody line that seems apropos – “We have met the enemy and he is us.” While it is true that there are societal and economic obstacles that get in the way of personal improvement, there are also myriad internal obstacles that hold us back. Some are easily changed. Others require layer after layer of courage, honesty, and effort to peel away and release.

All improvement begins with insight. If you don’t see a problem, there is no problem and therefore, no need for improvement. Experts will break insight down into specific categories and steps of recognition leading to action. I’ll keep it simple. Can you realistically connect your action/inaction/decisions/attitude/behavior to the results they are bringing to your life?

We all have a self-protective tendency that allows us to live in denial, sometimes for years. Admitting our flaws and failures can be difficult and painful. It can feel threatening to our self-esteem. And then there’s shame. What do we do with that? As difficult as it may be to level with ourselves, it’s imperative if we want to maximize our potential.

So how do we gain insight?

Get curious! Ask:

  • What’s that nagging thought I keep pushing away? Often, we have an internal knowing we choose to ignore. Sometimes we may even make a great effort to ignore it. If that’s the case, stop those efforts and see what happens.
  • What do I keep accusing my partner of? You may have heard, “every accusation is a confession.” There’s some truth to that. Take each accusation and flip it. Are you talking about them or you (or both)?
  • What will happen if I really lean into what I’m feeling? One way to gain insight is to change something. If you avoid certain feelings, plunge right in and explore them for as long as you can stand it. Your tolerance will grow with practice.
  • What do I feel in my body? Following what’s happening in our bodies often results in insight. It can also free us from recurring trauma responses. Somatic experiencing therapy uses this process.
  • What will I have to change if I gain a piece of self-knowledge? We often remain in a familiar rut because in some convoluted way, it feels positive. Will we have to admit we’re acting just like the parent we swore we’d never act like? Will we lose some of the attention we’re currently getting? Will we have to apologize to a lot of people? Will we lose victim status?

It is true that knowledge may mean we will no longer be able to tolerate our current path. That’s good news! It puts us at an ideal point from which to implement change.

And more good news is that your path for improvement can be whatever you wish it to be. You can be your own hero instead of your own enemy. Get out there, be brave, and get a new cape!

Your best life is calling! Do not resist.

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Seeking Safety

How much of our relationship to food is about seeking safety? I’d like to know the answer to this question. I also understand that the answer is variable and individual and therefore impossible to answer in an objective way. 

Since Abraham Maslow proposed the idea of a hierarchy of needs in the 1940s, we have generally had a picture of physiological needs as the basis of a pyramid. That means physiological needs are the priority. After that, comes the need for safety, then the need for love and belonging, etc.

But it’s really not that simple. We aren’t a perfect pyramid built one layer at a time. We need to feel safe or we may throw up any nourishment that’s available. We need love and belonging to feel safe so it’s impossible to meet our physiological or safety needs without incorporating that next layer of love and belonging. If this were not true, it would be the norm for babies to thrive whether or not they recieve love and attention.

Perhaps it would be more helpful to view ourselves as layer cakes. The layers support each other. Each is the same size. Each is equally important. When tasted together, the flavors enhance each other. 

A layer cake is a stable tower when the layers are securely held together. In a cake, we use frosting as the glue that both sweetens the tower and keeps the layers connected. In people, the frosting is attachment. 

Secure attachment looks like frosting applied with a steady hand. It has uniform thickness across the layer. The amount is perfectly matched to the thickness of the layers. Secure attachment feels safe. 

When our attachment style develops as avoidant, dismissive, ambivalent, anxious, or disorganized, we may not always feel safe in our relationships. This can affect any or everything in our lives and may manifest in our relationship to food.

Sometimes, we will need a full pantry to feel safe. Sometimes, the urge to eat or not eat will be about the feeling in our stomach. Sometimes, we need to feel soothed by the act of swallowing.  

Most often, overeating or binging and purging are characterized as attempts to fill a void. Again, that seems like an oversimplification. If a person to whom I felt anxiously attached withheld food from me during my developing years, I may feel a need to protect myself from starvation any time a similar feeling appears. That feeling may be triggered by an event that looks situationally different, but feels the same. 

If I eat during an emotional flashback (heightened sensation moment), I’m not really trying to regain attachment. My lower brain is signaling me to survive. I have to calm the lower brain before I can begin to consider repairing attachment. That means getting past the feeling and/or subconscious belief that I won’t survive. 

Once I am able to recognize what’s happening in the moment, I can explore the food and eating choices I make any time I experience this trigger. Without this recognition, the subconscious will continue to sabotage well-intended eating plans. 

We often feel guilt or shame when we fail to follow an eating plan. Understanding that your body may be seeking safety without your conscious knowledge can help alleviate guilt and give you a beginning point for exploring how this affects your relationship with food.

With insight and exploration, it’s possible to move the subconscious to the conscious. From there, all change is possible.

Adverse Childhood Experiences Can Detrimentally Affect Health

There is no Permanent Record

Life is a process and there is no permanent record. This year has shined a bright light on the US culture. One of the things I’ve noticed is that we seem to view what happens right this minute as determinative of everything that follows. This is hobbling our thinking at a time when pivoting needs to be swift and nimble.

It is absolutely responsible and important to carefully consider decisions. But if we don’t empty our mind of expectations, assumptions, conventional wisdom, and trending topics first, we both limit ourselves and create undue pressure at a time when we need less.

Rather than recognizing that uncertainty is always with us, some have responded to this year of swift change by further entrenching themselves in ideas or behaviors that do not serve well. Many times, it comes down to the idea that if we do something unconventional, or different than our family or friends, and it doesn’t turn out well, it will go on our permanent record.

There is no permanent record. If someone holds a long-time grudge, that’s on them, not you. If someone continues to judge you for a mistake you have acknowledged in spite of it being a one-time error, that’s on them. If your parents disagree with your decision, but you’re okay with the consequences, it’s their problem, not yours. If everyone in your Facebook group disagrees with you, it doesn’t mean you’re misguided.

I understand it doesn’t always feel good to stand alone. I left high school a year early. My dad thought that was a mistake. I had the credits to graduate and went to straight to college with a scholarship in hand. In spite of this, and the fact that I received my high school diploma the following year along with my class, he still believed it was a mistake.

Ten years later, although I had no regrets about the decision, he scored it as an error on his version of my permanent record. I could have accepted his view and let it create doubt or I could feel confident that I had researched my options and was willing to continue to move toward my goals.

Were there failures along the way? Of course. But failing in an endeavor does not make me a failure because I know I don’t have to become mired in that glitch. I can view it as a chance for improvement. To remain inspired, I keep these words from a 1910 speech by Theodore Roosevelt in my head at all times:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

If there were a permanent record, I would want it to reflect me as a contender in the arena rather than someone who always towed a line drawn by others. I’d want it to show that my decisions were well thought and carefully made. I’d want to be seen as a problem solver who moved past obstacles. And I would hope to be judged on more than appearance or net worth.

If you are a student whose grades are suffering during the pandemic, it is not a life ruining experience. Learn the life lessons in front of you. Those are more valuable than any letter grade.

If you are a parent struggling to be productive while also minding the kids, cut yourself some slack when you don’t perform at your 2019 level. Not all productivity can be measured in immediate output. Ask any strategic planner.

If you are a child who cannot visit an elderly parent in long-term care, just do what you can to stay connected. The separation does not mean your relationship has ended. It just means it has had to shift.

If you are feeling frustrated, sad, and angry because you cannot safely attend a wedding, funeral, graduation, performance, or family reunion, those feelings are normal. You may need to designate some time for self-care to grieve the loss.

If you are having to ask for help, it doesn’t mean you aren’t capable. We all need assistance under certain circumstances.

If you are a frontline or essential worker, thank you! Collectively, we have placed an undue burden on you. It will take a toll. That is not because you are weak. It is because you are a human tasked with superhuman expectations.

There’s lots of catastrophizing going on right now. The news and social media are filled with hyperbole. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that our lives are falling apart. Some are suffering devastating pain and loss. Others are suffering a change in routine. Many of us fall somewhere in between.

But before we decide that we can’t bounce back from the setbacks of 2020 and 2021, let’s remember that we can adapt when needed. We can see ourselves as the man in the arena and use challenges as motivation to be better. We can shift priorities and make better choices. And we can evaluate, reevaluate, and leave our mistakes in the past because there is no permanent record.

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