Dessert First! Day Four.

As this week progresses, I become increasingly aware that I have surrounded myself with difficult people. Is that because I exude the same sort of energy as they?  Possibly.  It is also possible that I exude a calm acceptance that feels safe or inviting.  I’m not sure which is the most true right now.  What I know is that it takes a lot of dessert to absorb, dissipate, and cushion negativity and on Day 3 by the afternoon I had resorted to actual dessert. A gluten-free espresso brownie to be exact.

Okay, truth is I had ice cream too later in the evening after a difficult phone conversation. Lots of sweet. Too much in fact. When I eat food full of sugar or carbs without supporting it with protein, I get sick. The same is true when I choose to focus only on the positive and ignore or deny the negative around me. It is only with balance that can accept myself, others, and life’s circumstances and begin to nourish my spirit. It is through nourishing my spirit that I find compassion for others.

In some cyclic way that feels beyond my ability to describe in words right now, I believe this is the beginning of a cycle of positive energy that will feed on itself, grow, and make a contribution to good in the world.

I feel a tiny bit of progress.  What do you see?

Dessert First! Day Three.

Day Two’s lesson seems to be that it’s hard to break old habits.  Most of us eat dinner first and dessert last and that is what I did on Day Two. The morning started well enough. One of my morning routines is to write a list of at least five things for which I am grateful. I felt good and my list was easily flowing forth and becoming lengthy.

Ben showed up to begin reconstruction on the bathroom, but first he wanted to complete a walk-through of the entire project in order to make a list of the paint we’ll need to purchase. He arrived feeling annoyed with himself for his late start and he soon became annoyed with me. He expressed his annoyance by saying I think like a girl and was making the list like a girl and I needed to stop that and approach the list making like he would. I kept the mood light and we finished the list without further conflict. What I realize now is how much that accommodation depleted the positive energy bank I had built up while savoring my gratitudes.

Once we completed the task, I sat down to regroup. What I failed to do at that moment was grab dessert on the way to the couch.  Rather than reminding myself of my intention to take the time to notice, choose, and  each small positive thing, I walked right by a perfectly ripe banana that would have delighted my tastebuds and grabbed a cold hot dog as a snack. I didn’t even pop it in the microwave, put it on a plate, or top it with mustard. I gulped in while Ben complained about my chewing. This was no big deal on it’s own, but it was another small chink in my plan to choose things that feed my positive feelings or add a sense of sweetness to the necessary tasks of the day.

Soon afterward, I received a couple of texts and then a phone call from a friend who is job hunting. He is feeling so financially stressed that even a job offer cannot quell his mounting fear. The fear was bleeding out as anger toward everyone he was dealing with. The anger was so palpable and so overtly undeserved, I found myself saying, “I don’t think she can help it that her first language is not English.” His anger and frustration then turned toward me.

From this point forward, I remained off track. I was chewing on the meat of the workday with no thought of anything but systematic production. I didn’t even savor the anticipation of dinner and a movie with a friend. Ultimately, the gorgeous feeling of fall when we left the theatre was enough to briefly remind me that I may have to summon more resolve for Day Three.

Can I do it?  As always, the question lingers until tomorrow…

Dessert First! Day Two.

Initially it was more difficult than I anticipated to stick with my intent to do dessert first. The morning presented the challenge of nonworking phones, an unexpected customer visit, and an irate phone call from another customer at a university who believed she had been shorted on an order. While the visiting customer tried to look at his website on our screen, the printer jammed upon printing his ads causing the computer to freeze. The thought of anything pleasant seemed beyond my grasp. It was going to take some resolve to follow my plan.

Perhaps I should mention that all of this followed an hour of pulling up carpet and moving furniture in my bedroom so that the 2nd full bathroom in my 1910 house can be demolished due to the same water damage tha caused us to demolish the bathroom below two weeks ago. And did I mention that this is the only other full bathroom in the house? In addition, on the way to the office I had fielded a call from an unemployed friend who is feeling angry and desperate.

When I finally managed to turn my mind back to my intention to savor the small pleasant moments of each day,  I felt angry, unsettled, and a bit overwhelmed.  Nonetheless, I accepted my visiting customer’s invitation to an early lunch.  I told him how I felt.  I savored a hamburger steak with crispy edges topped with grilled onions.  I lingered and enjoyed catching up with his family stories even though I had not yet researched the order shortage for my other customer.  I began to feel a tiny bit more relaxed.

Back at the office, I researched the problem and could document that we had delivered the full order and that it had been signed for by the university.  Even with that, I recognized that they believed there was a problem so I had to deal with them as if there were a problem.  Was there some morsel of pleasure I could savor first?

I turned my attention to some invoicing that needed to go out. This felt good to me because it means cash flow sooner rather than later and is a way of taking care of my finances.  Then I made the phone call.  Once that was done, I went to the dry cleaners and the bank.  Along the route, I noticed a huge weeping willow tree blowing in the breeze.  I took a moment to watch the scintillating leaves.

By the time I returned, I was feeling peaceful and calm.  Then I got the phone call that someone at the university had misplaced a box of my customer’s order.  Ahhhh, more relaxation that problem is gone.  Perhaps even the brief moments of pleasure I managed to lean into were having an effect?

Late afternoon presented a minor bump in the road, but by evening I was feeling energized by positive energy and happy as I began a book I’ve been looking forward to at bedtime.  In the moment it’s hard to analyze anything, but this morning (the morning of Day 3), I awoke feeling joyous with an excitement toward embracing whatever the day may bring.

Could it be that the small shift in focus that I managed yesterday was a powerful catalyst for how I’m feeling today?  Perhaps.  Check in tomorrow to find out.

Dessert First! Day One.

This week I am going to try something new that I’m calling, Dessert First.  I don’t mean that I’m going to literally eat dessert first.  Okay, maybe I will once or twice since I’ll be thinking about it, but that’s beside the point.  Dessert First is a week dedicated to savoring the rich, sweet moments of every day BEFORE I rush off to fill an obligation, achieve a goal, or take care of something for someone else.

We all know dessert is best when it’s savored rather than hastily gulped.  When I roll a bite of chocolate around on my tongue letting it slowly melt, I taste all the subtle layers of sweet and bitter.  At the same time, I experience a pleasing texture. Lingering over dessert with a cup of coffee, I often feel a sense of pleasure, exhilaration, or relaxation.

So why not incorporate those feelings into every day?  Instead of glancing at the sunset sideways through the car window, I’ll sit on the back deck and take note of the depth of the clouds and the reflection of the light.  When a client compliments my work, I will sit still, say thank you, and absorb the good feeling that brings.  When my son calls and wants me to stop everything to run an errand for him, I will not do so until I reach a natural break in my schedule and I will not rush through the day’s pleasures in order to accommodate him.

What will happen?  How will this experiment affect my work, my sense of well-being, and my family?  Will it help me thrive at a different level?  We’ll see.  Check back here and I will give you the results each day!