Category: Uncategorized

Is Familiar Better?

Last night, I ordered steak, baked potato, and broccoli from a chain restaurant and I began to ask is familiar better? It was late. I had just returned from 3700 miles of driving. I was tired, dirty, and hungry. I was grateful a restaurant was open.

From the first bite, I recognized the taste and smell even though I’d never ordered that meal from this restaurant before. The moment seemed weird until I was struck by the fact that much of the food from chains simply tastes the same. That’s what was familiar – the taste of chain food.

Is it the same? Possibly. A shared distributor could mean I would eat the same steak at 3 different restaurants within a few blocks of each other. And if it comes pre-seasoned, of course it’s going to taste the same.

Is there some particular food additive that homogenizes flavors? Also possible.

Or could it be that the food is the same because several brands are owned by the same corporate parent? That could be as well.

Whatever the reason, I’m pondering whether familiarity makes food more appealing?

There’s something that pulls people into popular chains over and over again. Some theories say it’s added fat and sugar that causes us to crave prepackaged food. And much of the food in chain restaurants is at least partially preprepared.

Others might say the food is the best ever! And maybe it is. I relate better to fresh food prepared on site because it agrees with my tummy more. Or maybe I’m picky.

I could come by pickiness naturally. My mother took a strong stance on saltine crackers and vanilla wafers. According to Mom, the only good saltines were Nabisco Premium Saltines. Anything else was inferior and not allowed in our house. Keebler Zesta® – not even elves could sell her on them. Lance- never. They weren’t fit to be crumbled into chili. And you certainly wouldn’t eat them with a piece of cheese.

Nabisco Nilla Wafers did not meet Mom’s exacting standard so brand loyalty in the way we currently think of it was not at play. And yet the remnants of my memories surrounding these foods drive me toward to buy the brands she preferred. Or at least they did before I had to choose gluten-free brands.

I don’t just gravitate toward things my mother liked. I also gravitate toward familiar foods I ate as a child – fresh tomatoes, okra, corn, potatoes, lettuce, beef, ham, chicken, blackberries, huckleberries, apples, cornbread, and ginger snap cookies. I crave my grandmother’s beef and noodles. I love vinegar-based coleslaw like my mom made. Familiar binds me to tradition as well as food.

All of this leads me to think that carefully considering which foods we allow to become familiar to our children could be an effective way to set the stage for lifelong healthy eating. And if that happens, I feel like we can definitely say familiar is better!

Dream Big?

Is it always good to dream big? I would never be one to discourage anyone from pursuing their dreams. I’m a huge proponent of going after whatever you want. But I see a number of people who don’t make the first step toward any dream because they’ve dreamed so large the stakes feel too high.

Conventional wisdom is that you must be able to dream something to make it so. Maybe that’s true. But only dreaming something will never make it real. That may be overstating a little. There are flukes, coincidences, and fortuitous things that may dump a dream in your lap. But those rarely happen without some prior positioning on your part.

So, when do dreams become a stumbling block?

When they are too dazzling. Some dreams are so big and shiny they seem impossible. If we believe they aren’t possible, they won’t be. We will subconsciously thwart every practical step we could take toward making them so.

When they don’t align with our values. Sometimes we dream of doing something in order to earn someone else’s approval or acceptance. If you value time with family but follow the dream of landing a job that requires long hours you may feel too conflicted to fully enjoy reaching that goal.

When the dream is rigid. If you dream of having a diamond song (10 million sales) and you feel bad because you only reach gold (500,000 recordings) your dream may be too rigid. Being able to shift enough to embrace and enjoy many levels of success is key for a dream not to become a detriment.

When a dream requires equipment or time beyond your means. The larger the dream, the more training or equipment it may require. If that equipment is too far out of reach, you are shooting your dream in the foot before you ever start.

When it sounds good on the surface but feels bad underneath. Some dreams sound wonderful when we hear ourselves tell them to other people. And some dreams feel the same way. Others sound good but feel so threatening that we may freeze and be unable to pursue them.

When they won’t really improve our lives. I know a ton of people who dreamed of owning huge homes. They finally bought one about the time their kids all went to college. The larger home cost more to furnish, brought larger utility bills, higher insurance premiums, and more required maintenance. It also took longer to clean. This meant less time and money to travel or do fun things with the kids.

When they make us feel unworthy. I may dream of being the fastest runner on the track team. I can run every day. I can do everything my coach asks. I will never be the fastest. I have short legs and adequate athletic ability. If I focus on being the fastest, I will always come up short.

Does that mean I’m not a valuable team member? Not necessarily. Long races require stamina more than speed. That’s an area in which I might contribute. Pole vaulting requires timing and coordination. But if I remain focused on my dream of being the fastest, I may not see these as options. I may feel inadequate and unworthy of my place on the team.

Perhaps I mention this because of the reaction I get when I tell my children I ran hurdles as a kid. I’m 5’1” now. I’ve always been short. The idea of me running hurdles sends them into fits of giggles every time it’s mentioned.

But I wasn’t a disaster. I could feel the rhythm of the run and it was no problem to clear the hurdles. I also ran cross-country. My times were much more competitive in that than in sprints which brings me to…

When they’re too specific. If I had dreamed of being a successful member of the track team, I achieved the dream. If I had dreamed of being the fastest on the track team, I failed. The only difference in the dreams is the specificity.

Dreaming is good. Believing that you can achieve is good. But dreaming big? That can go either way.

Skipping Steps

It’s always tempting to skip steps. If it feels like doing so will move an event forward more quickly…why not?

Why not? In reality, you may be right. It could work out fine. But in a well-organized, well-thought system, there is a reason for each step. You may not recognize the consequence of skipping one until it is too late.

Plane crashes, construction disasters, and medical errors often begin with skipping a step. Cross-contact food contamination, chemical disasters, wildfires, and the spread of infectious disease often involve skipping steps. Why is that choice so tempting?

It’s fun to feel a bit rebellious at times. And if we don’t put on a seat belt and don’t have a wreck, it’s easier to skip that step next time.

Some of us are defiant. Following a particular protocol feels like someone telling us what to do so we choose to ignore it.

Some of us are arrogant. We believe we know better without a full understanding of the ins and outs of how and why each step exists.

Sometimes experience teaches us why skipping steps is foolhardy. An experienced mechanic understands the order of operations that will make his job easier. An accomplished chef understands the best order in which to add ingredients to achieve the desired layers of flavor or perfect rise. A seasoned electrician knows the risks if he fails to disconnect the power before starting a line repair.

Given that many families have experienced the distraction of escalating stress the past several years, now is not the time to skip steps. Stress is distracting in a way that can cause us to be blind to is effects in the moment. We think we’re functioning well until we have the perspective of hindsight. By then, the damage may be done.

I know this is sounding like I’m a stickler for the rules or someone who doesn’t want progress. That’s not true. I love progress and I’m happy to flaunt a few rules here and there. But I’m not going to make the choice to skip steps when I’m doing preflight on a plane or handling raw chicken in my kitchen.

Everything in life has a hierarchy of some sort. We have to prioritize. But before we skip steps, it’s important to be fully versed in the reason for each of those steps. If we choose to ignore this, it can have funny results or disastrous ones.

We may not know which we are choosing.

Agreeing to Disagree

Agreeing to disagree. Reasonable people can disagree. They can disagree on substance or tone or the most efficient way to achieve a goal. But they can’t reasonably disagree without fully understanding the other position.

If you don’t understand a position, you can have an opinion about it but that opinion is uninformed. When you are uninformed or partially informed, you simply can’t know whether you disagree. We know this to the point that have clichés about walking in someone else’s shoes before we judge.

And yet, we have become daily finger-pointing, vilifying, cancel-culturing jerks. Provocative language gains likes, friends, and followers. This encourages bad behavior and makes it tempting to give in to our baser instincts.

It feels good to compare when we receive accolades. It feels terrible to compare when we receive criticism. But chasing accolades for a particular position entrenches us at one level of understanding and prevents growth.

I distinctly remember sitting in a jury room with 11 strangers attempting to determine whether a man assaulted a policeman before stealing his car. On our first vote, I was the lone dissent on a guilty verdict.

During deliberations, I was asked whether or not I watched the show Cops and was told that if I did, I’d understand why the guy was guilty. I was also personally attacked for reading a book during a break. Of course, this criticism was mischaracterized as me reading instead of listening during testimony. These were attempts not just to disagree with me, but to try to shame or push me into a different position. They were both unpleasant and ineffective.

Then there was the jury foreman. He and I were on opposite sides of the argument, but he was thoughtful, respectful, and reasonable. We came at the same set of facts from different points of view and reached different conclusions. I’m sure we were both right on some points. Ultimately, the jury was hung. There simply wasn’t enough proof to put 4 of us beyond a reasonable doubt.

If the situation had been a conference room in which we were discussing policy, the jury foreman and I would have made complimentary team members who broadened understanding and improved the final product. We would still have needed to reach a consensus, but our disagreement would have enriched and improved the process.

And that’s the thing. Disagreement can lead to improvement. But that’s only when we begin by listening to each other. Sometimes, we may discover that we don’t disagree at all. We may just have a different style of communication or use different lingo. Other times, we’ll discover the narrowness of our own point-of-view.

Disagreement can be inspiring. It can introduce new possibilities. It can be respectful and collaborative. But that can only happen when we stop pointing fingers, vilifying, and failing to try to understand another perspective.

I am all for accountability. I understand the desire to respond negatively to ideas that go against our closely held beliefs and values. And I’m not saying that we should agree with everything. But please, for the love of all things good, can we start listening with both our ears and our hearts to each other?

We may need to see the fear behind the bluster or the manipulation behind a benevolent-appearing act. To do this can take time, active listening, and a deeper personal investment than typical posturing allows.

The past two years have made it clear that many systems are broken or on the brink of failure. It will take the input of many voices and many points-of-view to hold things together. And it will take a force of will to look reality in the face and choose to be better.

I believe it’s worth the courage and effort it takes. And I believe in order to improve, we must agree to understand – not just disagree.