Tag: dreams

Dream Big?

Is it always good to dream big? I would never be one to discourage anyone from pursuing their dreams. I’m a huge proponent of going after whatever you want. But I see a number of people who don’t make the first step toward any dream because they’ve dreamed so large the stakes feel too high.

Conventional wisdom is that you must be able to dream something to make it so. Maybe that’s true. But only dreaming something will never make it real. That may be overstating a little. There are flukes, coincidences, and fortuitous things that may dump a dream in your lap. But those rarely happen without some prior positioning on your part.

So, when do dreams become a stumbling block?

When they are too dazzling. Some dreams are so big and shiny they seem impossible. If we believe they aren’t possible, they won’t be. We will subconsciously thwart every practical step we could take toward making them so.

When they don’t align with our values. Sometimes we dream of doing something in order to earn someone else’s approval or acceptance. If you value time with family but follow the dream of landing a job that requires long hours you may feel too conflicted to fully enjoy reaching that goal.

When the dream is rigid. If you dream of having a diamond song (10 million sales) and you feel bad because you only reach gold (500,000 recordings) your dream may be too rigid. Being able to shift enough to embrace and enjoy many levels of success is key for a dream not to become a detriment.

When a dream requires equipment or time beyond your means. The larger the dream, the more training or equipment it may require. If that equipment is too far out of reach, you are shooting your dream in the foot before you ever start.

When it sounds good on the surface but feels bad underneath. Some dreams sound wonderful when we hear ourselves tell them to other people. And some dreams feel the same way. Others sound good but feel so threatening that we may freeze and be unable to pursue them.

When they won’t really improve our lives. I know a ton of people who dreamed of owning huge homes. They finally bought one about the time their kids all went to college. The larger home cost more to furnish, brought larger utility bills, higher insurance premiums, and more required maintenance. It also took longer to clean. This meant less time and money to travel or do fun things with the kids.

When they make us feel unworthy. I may dream of being the fastest runner on the track team. I can run every day. I can do everything my coach asks. I will never be the fastest. I have short legs and adequate athletic ability. If I focus on being the fastest, I will always come up short.

Does that mean I’m not a valuable team member? Not necessarily. Long races require stamina more than speed. That’s an area in which I might contribute. Pole vaulting requires timing and coordination. But if I remain focused on my dream of being the fastest, I may not see these as options. I may feel inadequate and unworthy of my place on the team.

Perhaps I mention this because of the reaction I get when I tell my children I ran hurdles as a kid. I’m 5’1” now. I’ve always been short. The idea of me running hurdles sends them into fits of giggles every time it’s mentioned.

But I wasn’t a disaster. I could feel the rhythm of the run and it was no problem to clear the hurdles. I also ran cross-country. My times were much more competitive in that than in sprints which brings me to…

When they’re too specific. If I had dreamed of being a successful member of the track team, I achieved the dream. If I had dreamed of being the fastest on the track team, I failed. The only difference in the dreams is the specificity.

Dreaming is good. Believing that you can achieve is good. But dreaming big? That can go either way.

Limiting Box or Launching Point?

Guidelines can form a limiting box or a launching point. You probably know someone who uses recipes as loose guidelines and makes delicious food. You probably know someone else who carefully weighs, measures, and strictly adheres to recipes who also makes delicious food.

The way each of us responds to recommendations or guidelines is the result of many factors. It’s easy to just respond and move on without thinking about it, but we may unnecessarily limit ourselves in the process – some by not setting limits and some by not venturing outside limits.

You may already know the camp in which you fit. If not, examine statements A & B below. Which statement feels right to you? Both can be true, but notice the one that feels most natural and comfortable. That will tell you the kind of environment you need to support you so that all guidelines become launching points.

A)Following a recipe means you never have to worry about over-salting.

B)Following a recipe means you have an idea how much salt to start with.

I will always choose B.

I view recipes as a starting point. I know that if I follow one precisely, the result will be good. But I love feeling free to add a dash of cinnamon or substitute honey for sugar. Endless possibilities energize and excite me.

And seeing the possibilities outweighs any worry that my dish may not taste as good as it would if I followed instructions. In fact, I never think about the risk of bad food. In the moment, I feel confident I will make it better.

Sometimes that doesn’t hold true, but that never discourages me from experimenting because that’s where the joy is for me – in the process. If the result is good, bonus! This doesn’t just apply in the kitchen. It guides my life.

For other people, experimenting may feel reckless or stressful. When that’s the case, it is important to create or choose a more structured environment that allows for growth and expansion within comfortable bounds.

Knowing the environment that best supports you will save time and heartache. It can inform your choice of career, housing, romantic partner, and family culture so you can live your dreams.

We all get to design our lives. The better we know ourselves, the more successful we will be in creating a supportive plan that launches us to points beyond what we imagine possible.

Along the way, there will be plenty of people who deliberately throw up roadblocks. Some will be well-intentioned. Others will not. To prevent any deleterious effect, make sure your life plan includes activities and environments in which you feel your presence and contributions are valued. Leaning into activities that make you feel valued, creates a well of positive feelings and energy on which to draw when negativity weighs heavy.

Few of us may surpass our potential, but all of us can approach guidelines in a way that makes them a launching point for creating the life we desire. Let’s kick those limiting boxes to the curb and live our dreams!

Can Really Big Buts Keep Us From Thriving?