dietary restrictions – in thriver words

Can You Flex?

When you have annoying restrictions and finally get a routine down, can you flex? Ever hear a kid yell, “He said I can’t have the red truck, now we can’t play ANYTHING!?” As an adult, you know that’s not true. The child may not be able to play with a particular truck, but they can still play. All the child must do is flex.

Sounds easy when it’s a kid and we’re talking toys. But what if it’s one more flex when you thought you had your meals under control in an already difficult week? Seems totally different, right?

I’ve known numerous adults who seem flexible enough when you’re planning something…until push comes to shove. Then they squirrel things around with multiple phone calls and changes in order to get back to the vision they had in the first place. When you haven’t been privy to their original idea, this can feel quite confusing.

Even if you knew what they were thinking, it can be annoying. Most likely these folks believe themselves to be flexible. They may not recognize the rearranging as an attempt to get what they wanted in the first place. But sometimes, we can find ourselves feeling exactly like that small child.

Each of us has different tolerance levels for certain types of stress, and cumulatively different levels overall. But some of us can handle much more than we believe we can. And we can do it without feeling excess stress.

How? Embracing and practicing flexibility.

I know we’d like everything to be just like we want it. I do too! But life doesn’t work that way. Best laid plans as they say. If you find yourself going back to old habits rather than sticking to your healthy eating plan because you feel like it’s too difficult, here are a few things to get your flex muscles moving:

-Stand firm instead of flexing to please someone else. I know that sounds like a contradiction, but standing firm when you can will leave you more flex energy for other situations.

-Differentiate between wanting and needing. You may WANT burgers and fries, but do you NEED them or do you need food?

-Get more support. If you hit your limit and go back to eating things that are bad for you because you’re too tired and hungry to make a better decision, you need more support. Support can come in many forms. Start with your biggest obstacles. What sort of support will mitigate those?

-Practice problem solving. Take some scenario you’ve seen on TV. Imaging what you’d do instead of what a character did. Think of the reasons it would be more effective. Make this a family game.

-Bad and good often come packaged together. Practice leaning into the good side of a bad equation even if you feel scared because it means change.

-Stop tensing and bracing. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe some more. A yoga practice will make this a more natural response.

-Practice curiosity. Hmmm, wonder what would happen if I XYZ?

-Grant yourself grace but not excuses. It’s easy for a single transgression to morph into a regular habit.

Flexibility increases over time as long as you keep flexing. What seems hard today will seem easier tomorrow.

Trust me. I’m typing this in an RV that’s being repaired instead of on the road to my next nonrefundable stop. I’m flexing like crazy! But it allowed me the time to finish this post. For that I am grateful!

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Multiple Restrictions and The Fam

As we explored last week, it can be difficult to figure out safe food when we have overlapping restrictions. And the effort can’t stop there. In order to actually eat, we must locate, obtain, prep, and cook or scour labels and menus while cross-referencing lists. The process is time-consuming and sometimes exhausting, and the food’s not even the trickiest part.

Socializing, family bonding, and holiday traditions often revolve around food and shared meals. A change in requirements and/or routine can throw families into distress, create discomfort or conflict, and make it additionally difficult to take care of ourselves.

This can be painful and discouraging. It can require adjustment, readjustment, and courage. And sometimes, it means that a friend or family member we believed was supportive and caring shows us that’s only true when we walk an unspoken narrow line.

Why on earth would we want to put in all that effort only to feel our support systems crumble?

It’s a valid question and the answer is simple – to be healthy, reduce symptoms, and have a better quality of life.

Yes, I know it’s hard to imagine a better quality of life given the scenarios I’ve described. It sounds more like trading one set of problems for another. That may be exactly what it feels like for a period of time, but as your body heals and you feel better, your focus point of view will shift.

You can’t take my word for it, or anyone else’s either. Healing is an individual experience. And methods must be adapted. But it doesn’t hurt to start with an existing framework.

Take the lists we looked at last week. With those in mind, map out a week of typical meals (not menus, just time, place, and participants). Note the things in your previous routine that you can keep.

Let’s say you have Sunday lunch with extended family at an Italian restaurant. Review the menu of the restaurant. Are there items you can choose that are safe for you? If so, there’s no need to even suggest a change.

If not, check out other Italian restaurants. Staying within an already accepted category will require the smallest change and adjustment. When researching, make sure there’s something on the kid’s menu that works for children involved and consider others’ restrictions as well.

As you go through your routine, think of the 4 F’s. Nope, not those (fight, flight, freeze, fawn), these:

Focus…on your intentions.

Follow…your values.

Frame…change in a positive way.

Finesse…fine tune the details after you tackle the big things.

Once you’ve mapped out a week, you’ll have a good idea of where to start. Then, start. Work a day at a time to follow your restrictions no matter how family or friends respond. Days will turn into weeks, will turn into months, will turn into years.

You may encounter resistance. You may feel a sense of loss. You may discover some changes make you feel sad. If you had to make the same changes because your leg would immediately break in half if you didn’t, how would you feel about the changes? Would they seem more tolerable?

Will the changes offer any opportunities for exploration that excite you?

Sometimes resistance to change stems from fear. Sometimes it stems from laziness. And sometimes, we’re just lacking support. None of these are obstacles that are insurmountable.

If you fear your daughter will no longer share a weekly meal with you so you can see your grandchildren and it turns out you’re right (repeatedly and over time without compromise), then you learn her priority is not your health. On the flip side, you may discover that she’s willing to cook for you because it brings her joy to make you feel better.

Either way, genuine experiences are meaningful even when they bring painful revelations. And those revelations can also bring a sense of freedom.

So, Black Sheep unite! We’re inviting everyone to play in your playground now. Let’s show everyone else how to survive (or even enjoy) ruffling a few feathers in the Fam while in pursuit of better health!

Multiple Overlapping Diet Restrictions

How can you navigate multiple overlapping diet restrictions? It’s hard enough to follow one regimen! Having to cross-reference, combine, then personalize more than one is challenging. It can leave you feeling like there’s nothing you can eat.

I’ve speculated before that my mother may have had MCAS. Her symptoms were compatible with that diagnosis. And her reactions to food could be so dramatic that she eventually limited what she consumed to lettuce with a squeeze of lemon juice, pasta with butter, and an occasional bite of pie. She augmented that with about 30 supplement pills per day.

To say that she was starving her body of nutrition is to put it mildly. But at the time, beyond allergy tests and shots, there wasn’t much in the medical knowledge base that would explain what was happening. Left to her own devices, Mom opted to restrict herself to a tiny number of well-tolerated items and avoid the misery of adverse reactions.

Even with the additional information we have now, it can be tempting to simply stop eating if a plan seems too daunting. And even if you choose to eat, it can sometimes be hard to get yourself fed a nutritious variety of foods that you tolerate well.

For me, the key is to have food available before I get hungry. Once I hit a certain point, it becomes impossible to make a decision, much less execute a plan. I accomplish this in a variety of ways, some more successful than others.

The first step is always determining which foods affect me most and which I can tolerate in small amounts. My NEVER VIOLATE list includes gluten, shrimp, bacon, sausage, canned fish, deli meats, and tonic. That becomes a lengthier list if I list everything that contains gluten, but let’s keep it simple.

My EXTREME CAUTION list includes sunflower oil, lecithin, and seeds; yogurt; spinach; eggplant; avocado and avocado oil; bananas; strawberries; oranges; dried fruit; sundried tomatoes; mushrooms; red wine; lentils; black-eyed peas; and sauerkraut.

My LIMIT AMOUNT list includes tomatoes; cheddar cheese; parmesan cheese; chickpeas; peanut butter; chocolate; pork; vinegar and pickled foods; fresh pineapple; lemon; lime; Bing cherries; cinnamon; white wine.

While I rarely consume something on the EXTREME CAUTION list, I don’t freak out if some guacamole ends up on my enchilada and I would consider trying a bite of gluten-free banana bread. And having a list in which I limit amounts without totally avoiding a food allows me to balance mild symptoms with social ease when eating at a restaurant.

The more regimens you must combine, the more time it may take to create similar categories. Begin with the lists provided by your doctor and/or nutritionist. Create a spreadsheet or visual grid. If a food falls in the problem list for all diets you’re following, it probably should be on the NEVER VIOLATE list. Gluten will always fall here for anyone with celiac disease due to the autoimmune damage created by consuming even small amounts whether or not symptoms are mild.

Because everyone’s system reacts differently to foods and combinations of foods, the items on your EXTREME CAUTION and LIMIT AMOUNT list may stray a bit from the recommended. Sunflower oil may or may not be hurting my health if I ingest it, but the reaction affects my day immensely so I exercise extreme caution when choosing foods that may contain or have been fried in it. As you observe your reactions to food, you may need to update these lists from time to time.

With your lists in mind, the next step is to cook multiple meals at one time. This can be as simple as making one entrée that will last for several meals – roast beef, meatloaf, chicken & rice, or chicken curry. As long as I have an entrée that lasts for more than one day, I can add an apple and have a meal. It may not be the best meal, but it will suffice.

Sometimes, I may cook more than one entrée at the same time to ensure variety for a few days. Sometimes, I cook multiple vegetables at the same time as the entrée. Sometimes, I add a veggie to a one pot entrée. I don’t spend hours and hours planning. I just wing it.

When I don’t have time to prep fresh vegetables, I rely on the frozen English peas, edamame, and sugar snap peas I keep on hand. These allow me to add a vegetable to a meal in a matter of minutes.

On days when I fall behind, I often choose rotisserie chicken, eggs, or a restaurant meal. I’m lucky to live in a city with many farm-to-table options. This allows me to find fresh ingredients even when I don’t prepare them. All I need are my lists as a guide in order to choose well.

I realize this makes it sound like I’m on top of things and never have a moment when I stand in the kitchen tired, dazed, and confused. That’s not the case. I sometimes feel overwhelmed and struggle to feed myself.

Remembering that a meal doesn’t have to be pretty or go together perfectly helps in those moments. As long as your diet is balanced overall, the occasional meal of scrambled eggs and toast with honey or rotisserie chicken over mashed potatoes won’t hurt you.

While these steps cover most of my meals, there can be broader issues when family is involved. We’ll deal with those in an upcoming post.

In the meantime, you can begin to compile lists of prohibited (or allowed, if you prefer) foods to help you keep things straight when shopping and cooking. It may not be easy. It may take away some of the pleasure of a meal. But facilitating your health is possible even when you have overlapping dietary restrictions.

The added bonus is you will feel better. And feeling better makes it easier to exert energy toward feeding yourself in a way that’s not harmful.

Here’s to feeling better!

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/mast-cell-activation-syndrome

Thanksgiving and Kindness

This day before the election has me thinking about Thanksgiving and kindness. I have no idea how tomorrow, or the following days, will go. I’m not feeling the excitement of those entrenched in either side. I have concerns. One of those is whether families will be able to be kind to each other during the holidays regardless of politics.

After two days of camping this weekend, I took a quick shower and rushed to a docent tour of an Art Nouveau exhibit followed by a birthday party. I hadn’t slept well on the road, we had gray tank difficulty, and my companions required a lot of attention and effort. Let’s just say, I was tired, tired, tired by the time I arrived at the party.

There were three kinds of chili and cake. Two of the chilis and the cake weren’t options for me from the get-go. They either contained gluten or a large amount of high histamine ingredients. The chicken and white bean chili might have been okay.

The problem was, I didn’t want to force myself to ask the needed questions required to determine whether I could safely consume it. The effort just seemed like too much for the moment. I had something to drink and didn’t eat. I don’t know if that was the best thing to do, but it was all I could muster. I have a feeling Thanksgiving may be a similarly exhausting series of events for some families.

If you are hosting, it can be a great kindness to incorporate a few simple things that best fit your style of Thanksgiving meal:

Ask your guest to send you any dietary restrictions by a certain date. You can go further and ask for preferences, but I’d probably limit the question to allergies and sensitivities.

Determine what will be available for those with restrictions. You don’t need to limit your menu or change your recipes. Add a fresh veggie tray, a build-your-own salad set-up, or request that restricted guests bring something safe for them to share. It is a great act of caring to communicate options in advance.

Let go of the idea that each plate should be identical. If you need something to visually be the same for photos, put out a plate that fits your mission, take the photos, and bring a new plate that can be filled with other options.

Take no for an answer. If someone says no thank you to something, let that be the answer. Are you sure may seem like an obvious follow-up, but that implies that I owe you an explanation for why I’m saying no. Another follow-up option is to say it will be here if you change your mind.

Grant grace. A guest who eats gingerly may feel carsick from the ride. They may have an aversion to the aroma of something you’ve prepared. They could have eaten something the day before that has their tummy in spasms. There are a multitude of reasons a guest may need to refrain that have nothing to do with your wonderful food. Accepting what may look like pickiness without requiring an explanation is a wonderful gift of kindness.

There’s part of me that feels as if none of this needs to be said. Then there’s the me that goes to events and recognizes it may be a necessary reminder.

Thank you to the hosts who make a habit of happily accommodating! Those of us who must carefully stay within restrictions appreciate your kindness!

https://www.cooking2thrive.com/blog/back-to-basics-gluten-

free/https://www.cooking2thrive.com/blog/not-exactly-an-allergy/