Tag: restricted diet

Thanksgiving and Kindness

This day before the election has me thinking about Thanksgiving and kindness. I have no idea how tomorrow, or the following days, will go. I’m not feeling the excitement of those entrenched in either side. I have concerns. One of those is whether families will be able to be kind to each other during the holidays regardless of politics.

After two days of camping this weekend, I took a quick shower and rushed to a docent tour of an Art Nouveau exhibit followed by a birthday party. I hadn’t slept well on the road, we had gray tank difficulty, and my companions required a lot of attention and effort. Let’s just say, I was tired, tired, tired by the time I arrived at the party.

There were three kinds of chili and cake. Two of the chilis and the cake weren’t options for me from the get-go. They either contained gluten or a large amount of high histamine ingredients. The chicken and white bean chili might have been okay.

The problem was, I didn’t want to force myself to ask the needed questions required to determine whether I could safely consume it. The effort just seemed like too much for the moment. I had something to drink and didn’t eat. I don’t know if that was the best thing to do, but it was all I could muster. I have a feeling Thanksgiving may be a similarly exhausting series of events for some families.

If you are hosting, it can be a great kindness to incorporate a few simple things that best fit your style of Thanksgiving meal:

Ask your guest to send you any dietary restrictions by a certain date. You can go further and ask for preferences, but I’d probably limit the question to allergies and sensitivities.

Determine what will be available for those with restrictions. You don’t need to limit your menu or change your recipes. Add a fresh veggie tray, a build-your-own salad set-up, or request that restricted guests bring something safe for them to share. It is a great act of caring to communicate options in advance.

Let go of the idea that each plate should be identical. If you need something to visually be the same for photos, put out a plate that fits your mission, take the photos, and bring a new plate that can be filled with other options.

Take no for an answer. If someone says no thank you to something, let that be the answer. Are you sure may seem like an obvious follow-up, but that implies that I owe you an explanation for why I’m saying no. Another follow-up option is to say it will be here if you change your mind.

Grant grace. A guest who eats gingerly may feel carsick from the ride. They may have an aversion to the aroma of something you’ve prepared. They could have eaten something the day before that has their tummy in spasms. There are a multitude of reasons a guest may need to refrain that have nothing to do with your wonderful food. Accepting what may look like pickiness without requiring an explanation is a wonderful gift of kindness.

There’s part of me that feels as if none of this needs to be said. Then there’s the me that goes to events and recognizes it may be a necessary reminder.

Thank you to the hosts who make a habit of happily accommodating! Those of us who must carefully stay within restrictions appreciate your kindness!

https://www.cooking2thrive.com/blog/back-to-basics-gluten-

free/https://www.cooking2thrive.com/blog/not-exactly-an-allergy/

Holiday Cheating

Specialized diets are especially prone to holiday cheating. Sometimes that’s because it’s hard to resist the family favorites. But too often, it’s because a restricted person doesn’t have needed support.

Prior to 2020, I viewed this as a problem. I even recognized it was significant, but I failed to understand the depth of the issue. Watching people fail to protect themselves during a pandemic in order to fit in has been an eye-opener.

It’s so easy to brush off someone else’s dietary concerns as imagined or unimportant. It’s tempting to think that just a little bite of a food they cannot eat won’t hurt them. And it requires effort to become informed, provide alternatives, and be thoughtfully inclusive. Better to just make light of their concerns and move on, right?

If you asked that of a Thanksgiving gathering as a direct question, I don’t think anyone would answer, yes. Unfortunately, when the question is unspoken, behavior toward the restricted often indicates a yes. Teasing, pressuring, making rude comments, whispering, eye-rolling or huffing when someone doesn’t take a dish are not supportive behaviors. 

I understand that it’s hard to take some people seriously. My mom used to refuse chili at lunch because she was “allergic” to tomatoes and eat pizza with red sauce for dinner. Who can possibly understand that logic? And with some food intolerances, maybe you can have a little without significant damage.

This is not true for people with celiac disease. Even though they won’t die of anaphylactic shock at the table, even a little gluten can cause long-term damage. It is not reasonable to ask someone with celiac disease to just take a little bite simply because the effects are not immediately visible.

It’s also not true for people who are following certain regimens because of drug interactions, chemo, or the possibility of anaphylaxis. Everyone is entitled to privacy regarding their health. A long explanation shouldn’t be required in order for a request to be taken seriously.

Obviously, the primary burden of communicating and adhering to dietary limits falls with the person who has restrictions. It is incumbent on them to communicate clearly and consistently. Without extra effort as host, you can help them not be tempted to cheat this Thanksgiving by:

Welcoming them warmly without judgement. Assume that you don’t know the whole story.

Not treating their restrictions as a burden. Don’t worry about providing alternative food. Answer questions about ingredients graciously or save labels for them to read. Accept that their plate may be sparsely filled.

Helping redirect the conversation. Interject with a quick apology and change of subject when someone else at the table becomes pushy or inquisitive in an unfriendly fashion.

Being willing to learn more. If someone with restrictions is helping you in the kitchen, casually inquire what you would need to do differently for a dish you’re preparing to work for them. The answer could be change the whole thing, but it might be that a simple adjustment would make that dish appropriate for them next year.

Treat them as equal. Just because someone has to eat differently doesn’t mean they are less important, less deserving, or less polite. Support begins with simple gestures like these.

As your knowledge grows, you may want to provide additional layers of care. Or you don’t have to. Most of us are grateful for any level of support that makes it easier to avoid holiday cheating!

Dairy-Free Thanksgiving