As we explored last week, it can be difficult to figure out safe food when we have overlapping restrictions. And the effort can’t stop there. In order to actually eat, we must locate, obtain, prep, and cook or scour labels and menus while cross-referencing lists. The process is time-consuming and sometimes exhausting, and the food’s not even the trickiest part.
Socializing, family bonding, and holiday traditions often revolve around food and shared meals. A change in requirements and/or routine can throw families into distress, create discomfort or conflict, and make it additionally difficult to take care of ourselves.
This can be painful and discouraging. It can require adjustment, readjustment, and courage. And sometimes, it means that a friend or family member we believed was supportive and caring shows us that’s only true when we walk an unspoken narrow line.
Why on earth would we want to put in all that effort only to feel our support systems crumble?
It’s a valid question and the answer is simple – to be healthy, reduce symptoms, and have a better quality of life.
Yes, I know it’s hard to imagine a better quality of life given the scenarios I’ve described. It sounds more like trading one set of problems for another. That may be exactly what it feels like for a period of time, but as your body heals and you feel better, your focus point of view will shift.
You can’t take my word for it, or anyone else’s either. Healing is an individual experience. And methods must be adapted. But it doesn’t hurt to start with an existing framework.
Take the lists we looked at last week. With those in mind, map out a week of typical meals (not menus, just time, place, and participants). Note the things in your previous routine that you can keep.
Let’s say you have Sunday lunch with extended family at an Italian restaurant. Review the menu of the restaurant. Are there items you can choose that are safe for you? If so, there’s no need to even suggest a change.
If not, check out other Italian restaurants. Staying within an already accepted category will require the smallest change and adjustment. When researching, make sure there’s something on the kid’s menu that works for children involved and consider others’ restrictions as well.
As you go through your routine, think of the 4 F’s. Nope, not those (fight, flight, freeze, fawn), these:
Focus…on your intentions.
Follow…your values.
Frame…change in a positive way.
Finesse…fine tune the details after you tackle the big things.
Once you’ve mapped out a week, you’ll have a good idea of where to start. Then, start. Work a day at a time to follow your restrictions no matter how family or friends respond. Days will turn into weeks, will turn into months, will turn into years.
You may encounter resistance. You may feel a sense of loss. You may discover some changes make you feel sad. If you had to make the same changes because your leg would immediately break in half if you didn’t, how would you feel about the changes? Would they seem more tolerable?
Will the changes offer any opportunities for exploration that excite you?
Sometimes resistance to change stems from fear. Sometimes it stems from laziness. And sometimes, we’re just lacking support. None of these are obstacles that are insurmountable.
If you fear your daughter will no longer share a weekly meal with you so you can see your grandchildren and it turns out you’re right (repeatedly and over time without compromise), then you learn her priority is not your health. On the flip side, you may discover that she’s willing to cook for you because it brings her joy to make you feel better.
Either way, genuine experiences are meaningful even when they bring painful revelations. And those revelations can also bring a sense of freedom.
So, Black Sheep unite! We’re inviting everyone to play in your playground now. Let’s show everyone else how to survive (or even enjoy) ruffling a few feathers in the Fam while in pursuit of better health!
