When things in our lives get tough or unpleasant, it’s easy to begin to compare our situation to those around us; unfortunately, comparison kills compassion. Have you ever started looking around at other people in a restaurant eating pie or cheesecake while you have to opt for dessert later since there’s no gluten-free option and begin to wonder why they have it so much easier than you? Do you ever feel annoyed when you sit empty handed while the rest of the office begins oohing and ahhhing over the box of cupcakes they’re consuming?
Once you allow that thought train to begin, does it gain steam and cause you to compare, and compare, and compare until you’re sure you’ve gotten a raw deal as compared to everyone else? Now that you’re on the comparison train, do you move from feeling annoyed to feeling downright angry? Does this anger keep you from noticing the tears in the eyes of the woman eating cheesecake? Does it cause you to turn a blind eye to your coworker’s obvious anxiety that he will be laid off? Do you ever notice that comparison often interferes with any compassion you might otherwise feel for those around you?
It’s easy to jump on the comparison train even when we know it never takes us to a positive destination, and often our comparisons are based on perception and assumption rather than knowledge. How well do you know the colleague you believe is less encumbered? Is it possible that you don’t really know them at all? Is it possible that they are deliberately projecting a certain image in public that hides their grief, sorrow, shame, loss, confusion, or anger? Have you considered that although they can eat desserts you can’t have, their life overall may not be easier or better than yours?
Since it’s sometimes hard to keep perspective, let’s play a game about perception that might help us next time we’re tempted to compare.
The following chart lists descriptions of real people in the left column and their real characteristics or actions in the right column. Match the description in the left column to the action in the right column you believe fits each description best.
Description – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –Action
Award Winning Financial Advisor – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Chairs yearly high-profile charity event for a nonprofit organization.
Perfectly Coiffed, Suit Wearing Executive- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Home is filled with trash and rotting food.
Highly Educated Teacher with 3 Advanced Degrees – – – – – – – – – – – – – -Pooped on sidewalk outside hotel.
Successful Business Owner who sits on Multiple Governing Boards – – – – – Daughter wears doo-rag to church funeral.
Single Mother Earning Poverty Wage – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Volunteers time to adult literacy organization.
Married Woman Pregnant With Baby From Affair – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -Frequently travels to Europe to value antiques.
Mechanic at Tire Store – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Blackens his wife’s eye, sprains her fingers, and holds her down on regular basis.
While you were making your choices, were you focussed on actions that you would expect from the description? Did you stop to think for a moment about the things you do in private that might seem incongruous with the persona you deliberately project to the public?
Now take a look at the real matches:
Description . . . . . . . . . . .. . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Action
Award Winning Financial Advisor. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pooped on sidewalk outside hotel.
Perfectly Coiffed, Suit Wearing Executive. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Daughter wears doo-rag to church funeral.
Highly Educated Teacher with 3 Advanced Degrees . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Blackens his wife’s eye, sprains her fingers, and holds her down on regular basis.
Successful Business Owner who sits on Multiple Governing Boards. . . . . . . . Home is filled with trash and rotting food.
Single Mother Earning Poverty Wage. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Volunteers time to adult literacy organization.
Married Woman Pregnant With Baby From Affair. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Chairs yearly high-profile charity event for a nonprofit organization.
Mechanic at Tire Store. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Frequently travels to Europe to value antiques.
How did you do? Were there any surprises?
If even one of the answers surprises you, perhaps you can carry that memory with you and review it each time you’re tempted to judge anyone’s road as easier than yours.
Life brings each of us unique opportunities for sorrow and joy; periods of difficulty and periods of ease; difficult choices that build our character; difficult choices in which we can demonstrate love; failure and success; abundance and scarcity. No matter who you choose to believe has it easier than you, rest assured that they too have faced, or will face, difficulties. It is a commonality of the human experience.
I am enough. You are enough. You are good enough. We have the raw materials within us for a life filled with compassion, gratitude, and peace. I hope we all give up the temptation to poison ourselves with comparison.