Making any sort of lasting change requires getting comfortable with discomfort. I know, sounds oxymoronic, but bear with me. Doing the familiar is more comfortable than doing something new. But doing the familiar means little to no change. That’s what keeps it familiar.
Change requires doing something you may not feel comfortable with. Making lasting change takes time, commitment, and repetition. If you can’t settle into some discomfort, you’ll likely be ineffective in achieving significant difference.
We often seek to avoid discomfort. Avoidance comes in so many forms we may not recognize it. Denial is a form of avoidance. Busyness can be a form of avoidance. Drugs or alcohol can be used to avoid. Video games, social media, binge watching, excessive volunteering, and sleeping can all be used to keep discomfort at bay.
But when we restrict each day to our comfort zone, we miss out on the many layers that define a full life. We miss the entertainment of friends who think differently. We miss disruptors that can deepen our understanding. We miss soreness that means we’re gaining strength or flexibility. We may miss our best health, deep connection, awe inspiring views, innovative ideas, or flavorful food. It’s worth considering that we could be missing out on life’s best moments in order to hang onto comfortable ones.
Ever cry when you smash your finger only to have your dad say, “My dad would have said stop crying or he’d give you something to cry about.” It’s not a bad thing that pain and injury often meet more compassion now. But not all injury or pain is catastrophic, and expectation of immediate and complete relief from all levels of discomfort is unrealistic. Reassessment of your perspective may be necessary if you believe all discomfort is bad.
As you begin to build tolerance for discomfort, it can be helpful to dig deeper. Underneath a general feeling of nervous energy you may find a specific emotion or group of emotions related to the change you’re hoping to make. Identifying fear, sadness, embarrassment, sorrow, longing or whatever feeling(s) applies will help you develop an appropriate plan for handling whatever bubbles up.
We often avoid making change because we don’t want to feel emotions we deem bad or negative. Emotions are not inherently good or bad and our relationship with them can change. We can view pain as a punishment or a helpful signal that there’s something we need to address. When you find a sticking point, imagine how you might feel if it were opposite day. You can approach this as a game. Play with it and see what happens. You’re learning to reframe. Reframing is a powerful tool at everyone’s disposal.
A lot of us watch elite athletes overcome injury and think, they can do it because they have amazing doctors, and facilities, and support. It’s true, they do. But they still experience pain and discomfort. A good takeaway may be that discomfort is easier to tolerate with support.
Once you have a framework and support, it’s just a matter of practice. Let yourself stay in discomfort for a minute longer today than you did yesterday. Slowly, but surely, you’ll get comfortable with discomfort.
When you need pain relief, reach for the origin and you may not need a pill. A visiting friend recently asked me for some ibuprofen. I looked in the medicine closet and I didn’t even have acetaminophen. A lack of ibuprofen didn’t surprise me. Every time I take it, my cheeks immediately turn red and start itching so I don’t buy it, but even I was surprised that there was NO pain reliever on the shelf.
