Tag: discomfort

Getting Comfortable with Discomfort

Making any sort of lasting change requires getting comfortable with discomfort. I know, sounds oxymoronic, but bear with me. Doing the familiar is more comfortable than doing something new. But doing the familiar means little to no change. That’s what keeps it familiar.

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Change requires doing something you may not feel comfortable with. Making lasting change takes time, commitment, and repetition. If you can’t settle into some discomfort, you’ll likely be ineffective in achieving significant difference.

We often seek to avoid discomfort. Avoidance comes in so many forms we may not recognize it. Denial is a form of avoidance. Busyness can be a form of avoidance. Drugs or alcohol can be used to avoid. Video games, social media, binge watching, excessive volunteering, and sleeping can all be used to keep discomfort at bay.

But when we restrict each day to our comfort zone, we miss out on the many layers that define a full life. We miss the entertainment of friends who think differently. We miss disruptors that can deepen our understanding. We miss soreness that means we’re gaining strength or flexibility. We may miss our best health, deep connection, awe inspiring views, innovative ideas, or flavorful food. It’s worth considering that we could be missing out on life’s best moments in order to hang onto comfortable ones.

Ever cry when you smash your finger only to have your dad say, “My dad would have said stop crying or he’d give you something to cry about.” It’s not a bad thing that pain and injury often meet more compassion now. But not all injury or pain is catastrophic, and expectation of immediate and complete relief from all levels of discomfort is unrealistic. Reassessment of your perspective may be necessary if you believe all discomfort is bad.

As you begin to build tolerance for discomfort, it can be helpful to dig deeper. Underneath a general feeling of nervous energy you may find a specific emotion or group of emotions related to the change you’re hoping to make. Identifying fear, sadness, embarrassment, sorrow, longing or whatever feeling(s) applies will help you develop an appropriate plan for handling whatever bubbles up.

We often avoid making change because we don’t want to feel emotions we deem bad or negative. Emotions are not inherently good or bad and our relationship with them can change. We can view pain as a punishment or a helpful signal that there’s something we need to address. When you find a sticking point, imagine how you might feel if it were opposite day. You can approach this as a game. Play with it and see what happens. You’re learning to reframe. Reframing is a powerful tool at everyone’s disposal.

A lot of us watch elite athletes overcome injury and think, they can do it because they have amazing doctors, and facilities, and support. It’s true, they do. But they still experience pain and discomfort. A good takeaway may be that discomfort is easier to tolerate with support.

Once you have a framework and support, it’s just a matter of practice. Let yourself stay in discomfort for a minute longer today than you did yesterday. Slowly, but surely, you’ll get comfortable with discomfort.

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Tolerating Discomfort

When you’re tired of tolerating discomfort, you may have to learn to tolerate discomfort. Why does paradox always feel as though life is laughing at you?

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For years, my tummy hurt. My joints ached. My muscles were weak. I broke out. I itched. My eyes were dry. I couldn’t sleep because I was so uncomfortable. Getting better meant I had to tolerate a different kind of discomfort. That’s often how healing goes.

It would be nice if things were always upward and onward, but they just don’t work that way. While the general trajectory may be up, there will be times that feel like dips. During those times, we have to endure and increase our window of tolerance so that we have more resilience when the next hurdle comes along.

You can think of this as emotional weightlifting. The resolve to continue on a healthier path is often affected by emotions. And sometimes, the body has trapped a traumatic response in its muscle memory. Releasing that requires a special kind of tolerance for discomfort.

When it comes to tummy troubles, most of us want to get rid of pain. That’s why we seek medical attention. Getting better begins with refusing to tolerate discomfort. But when we hit a dip in improvement or a treatment plan increases pain, refusing to tolerate momentary discomfort can derail healing. We need to be able to stick with the plan in spite of how we feel.

When it comes to emotional pain left from trauma, it’s possible to experience more discomfort from attempting to let it go from remaining caught in familiar pain. That doesn’t mean you like how you feel. It just means letting go may feel scary to the point of terrifying.

Either way, increasing tolerance for discomfort can be the key to staying on track. So how can you increase tolerance?

Patience. We all think our minds can stay ahead of our bodies. But the lower brain is wired to protect us from perceived danger. If it gets triggered, our behavior can sometimes surprise us. This is a normal part of the process. It’s messy but it doesn’t mean you’ll forever be out of control.

Stillness. You can’t learn to sit with discomfort unless you allow yourself to feel it. That won’t happen if you’re constantly moving, medicating, working, or otherwise distracting yourself.

Practice. Like any sort of desensitization, tolerance is built one step at a time. At first, a minute or two may be all you can handle but each moment will build on the next.

Balance. Regularly including an equal balance of something fun, joyous, pleasurable, or exciting will give you a space to move into that feels good once you’ve reached your current tolerance for discomfort.

Structure. When you feel messy inside, it’s beneficial to have routines, deadlines, accountability partners, and community to provide an environment that feels solid and stable.

Like everything, learning to tolerate discomfort is a process. The experience will be slightly different for each of us. The only thing we all have in common is that to build tolerance, we must start the process. Otherwise, it will not happen.

Talking about it won’t make it happen. Making promises won’t make it happen. Continuing to numb or distract will prevent it from happening.

We are all capable of more than we believe. We can tolerate more discomfort than we think we can. Don’t overthink. Just begin. Slowly, but surely, good things will happen.