new year – in thriver words

Prep for the New Year!

We have five more days to prep for the new year! Five days fly so fast anymore it sounds like nothing, but in reality it’s about 60 useable hours. That’s enough time to develop a plan even if you can’t implement it before the new year. Much of my planning will have to be while my hands do the laundry, bed making, and mopping from having houseguests for the past 10 days. That’s okay. Household tasks are less annoying when my mind is busy working something out.

For 2025, I don’t have any plan to change what I’m eating, but I want to create a better flow for food preparation. I don’t really mean a better flow when cooking a dish. I have that down. I mean for the bigger picture – shopping and meal prep.

The busier I am, the more I like to have grab-ready food. To minimize use of processed food, I must cook in advance.

This lends itself to choosing a day or two per week to prep meals that last through the other days. It also means kitchen clean-up is minor except for days that I cook. Sounds easy, but a lack of predictability in my schedule has made it routinely difficult to set aside certain days for cooking.

Another option is to prepare two meals at the same time every other day. That gives me variety for lunches and minimizes the clean-up on off days.

A third, and hard for me to embrace option, is to use my freezer. I’m not good at this. I know I’m not good at it. But it certainly facilitates what I’m trying to accomplish so it’s worth full consideration.

When I factor in shopping, options one and three work best. But before I decide to fill the freezer, I feel like I should use my five days to determine whether the discipline using the freezer will require adds significantly more stress than option one.

All discipline creates a level of stress. Up to a point, stress is stimulating and good. Past that point, it is detrimental and worth considering when creating plans. In fact, the fastest path to the failure of a plan may be a lack of exploration of the feelings that will accompany its implementation.

If you are not prepared for the discomfort, annoyance, and frustration of change, it will be much harder to sustain. If you haven’t anticipated how much change you can handle at one time, you’ll be likely to try a leap that will fail than a step that will stick.

The big take-away is that prepping for the new year is a good thing to do, and your plans will be more likely to succeed if you lower the bar to a point that is manageable. You can always build from there.

So, lower the bar, have some fun, and move into 2025 knowing you’re prepared for success!

Clean Start

I was ready for a clean start in 2024. As things would have it, the beginning is less than pristine. I spent the first week fighting a recurring sewer problem that left a backlog of cleaning, dishes, and laundry (seems there’s a pipe mystery under this 115-year-old house). Three days ago when a fix finally held, I hurt my foot. It’s worlds better today than yesterday but will take another day or two to successfully support my full weight.

The plan I had to get this year off to a strategic, efficient, relaxing start has been thwarted right off the bat. I don’t feel too daunted by that. Things rarely happen exactly as we plan them. If I become too attached to any plan, it will do nothing but make it more difficult to pivot.

I had a coworker once who stood in front of my desk and asked our production manager when one of his jobs would be ready so he could call his customer. Production carefully walked him through each step of the schedule. He then asked for delivery two days earlier than physically possible. Production said, no here’s the schedule and walked him through it again. He asked for delivery two days earlier.

This exact conversation was repeated five times in a row. At that point, I interrupted with, “David, it’s not going to be ready on the date you want it. Jerry has explained the process to you five times. It cannot happen any faster because it’s physically impossible. Call your customer and tell them that date is not an option.” My goal was not to get in the middle of the conversation. It was to get my coworkers off a treadmill that was going nowhere.

Life throws curve balls…lots of them. You know it. I know it. And our lack of sticking to New Year’s Resolutions is sometimes a result of it. Yes, it’s frustrating. Yes, it’s disappointing. Yes, a curve ball may lead to pain or loss. But the bottom line is, we can only choose from the options we have.

A clean start may have to be built on the shredded pieces of a previous plan. So how can we shake off the resulting frustrations?

Here are a few things that may be helpful:

Take a minute. Instead of acting as though we’re not affected by change, give yourself time and space to feel the pain, disappointment, weariness, anger, or sadness full force.

Set limits. If you have received difficult news, it’s easy to become lost in feelings. You may need quite some time to process through them. No matter what incites a revision in your plans, set limits for how long you will spend processing feelings at any given time. You can’t really schedule when feelings will hit. You can develop techniques for limiting how long you sit with them. These can be tailored around work, family, and personal responsibilities.

Let it go. Sometimes, you’ll resent the thing that changed your plan. It will be easier to let negative feelings go once you’ve allowed emotions to flow.

Focus on priorities. Forced change will be easier when you keep your priorities the same.

Do what you can. You may not be able to tackle everything, but you can take steps toward something. Put one foot in front of the other.

Ask for help. It can be especially hard for those perceived as strong to ask for help, but we all need it sometimes. Whether you need help processing feelings or with tasks that have landed in your lap, gather the resources you need. Needing help doesn’t mean you’re weak.

Embrace the good. Your day, week, or year may have changed on a dime, but here and there, you’ll see a beautiful sunset, feel a warm breeze, hear your toddler giggle, eat something delicious, or hear a song that makes you smile. Stop and enjoy these moments. Build a library of good feelings in your memory bank. You can reach for these when you need them.

Resist personalizing. Just because you are having a rough time does not mean you’ve done something wrong or that the universe is out to get you. Bad things happen to everyone. Good things happen to everyone. You can do everything right and still get a bad result.

Take a nap. Anything that puts your mind in neutral for a moment can help you reset, but most of us don’t get enough sleep so a nap may be especially helpful.

I’m typing this upstairs in my bed with my foot elevated rather than downstairs where I’d usually sit. This year may not be going as I envisioned, but I haven’t had more pain than I can stand. I have working showers and laundry. And I have easy to prepare food on hand.

This is a chance to slow down, pay attention, and get a clean start!

Moving Forward

In 2015, my New Year’s Post was about moving forward. I still agree with everything in that post. But this particular moment in history leaves me feeling less optimistic about staying optimistic. It’s not that there’s nothing to celebrate or enjoy. And it’s not for a lack of gratitude that many things have not been as bad as they could have been.

But so many things have been teetering on edge for several years and they don’t seem to be changing or improving. Committees and boards I served on prior to 2020 have evolved from diverse, balanced groups with productive conversations to something with which I no longer feel aligned. I miss the comradery and the feeling we were making a positive difference. Gunfire in my neighborhood has increased. It was already bad. Now it’s worse. Infant mortality has increased in my state. We now have one of the highest rates in the nation. Public education here faces new threats because of underfunded, short-sighted legislation. My state’s supreme court blatantly ignored our constitution in a recent case regarding emergency clause voting procedure.

There have been moves that threatened to destroy a national river I’ve floated all my life, and a legislative session that tried to severely limit the FOIA that allows the citizens to know what our government is up to.

Librarians are being removed and/or threatened with jail for simply shelving books a few find objectionable and book banners are being appointed to library boards.

NONE of these things make for an improved quality of life for me, my friends, neighbors, children, or grandchildren. NONE of these reflect the family values I learned from conservative, church-going parents in the South.

Every week brings another round of news that makes my head want to explode because it exhibits yet again how many nearby have no respect for the law, no respect for common sense, no respect for women, no respect for patients, no respect for anyone who doesn’t look like them, and no respect for ideas that may diverge from a very narrow path. I want to move forward optimistically, but the car keeps running over my foot.

So now I guess it’s time to give myself a pep talk…Maybe in addition to Dry January, we need Contemplative January when we stop filling time our schedules to avoid feeling the weight of what we’re doing to ourselves. We cannot make things better until we are willing to:

See a problem.

We sometimes believe that seeing a problem IS a problem. Denial may make things seem better on the surface, but it’s really a way to keep a person or organization stuck.

State the problem.

Once you see a problem, it may be a process to get the information to those who can facilitate change. That doesn’t mean stating the problem IS the problem although it may feel that way. I watched a person be attacked as being negative in a hospital advisory council meeting when they shared an experience that was problematic and indicated a possible need for policy change. I’m sure it felt to them as though their statement was being perceived as the issue rather than the problem they hoped to address. Even though it may not feel good, and you may feel alone or unsupported, doesn’t mean you’re doing the wrong thing.

Make a plan.

There are many kinds of plans to guide action. They can be broad and flexible. They can be guided by mission. They can be strategic and specific. They can formally recorded or carried in your head, but cooperation from families or groups will require some sort of communication beyond telepathy.

Follow the plan.

All plans are implemented with action. Steady and small, well-prepared and large, private or public, the steps can be made in many ways over many time frames. Action will keep you moving forward.

Obviously, I have no problem stating many problems right now. But rather than lament all of those, I will be better served to find an appropriate outlet that will let me move past seeing the problem to being part of the solution. In fact, that’s the healthiest way to address inevitable challenges.

I also know sorting through the quagmire will require some grit and momentum. And that’s what I hope to do moving forward.

She regrets nothing: A Q&A with fired Saline County librarian Patty Hector

Looking Backward, Moving Forward – in thriver words (cooking2thrive.com)

Steak in the Ground

Where will you put your steak in the ground in 2021? Most years at this time I reflect back on events that have happened since the previous Christmas. This year, my memories have wandered much further back. I’m not sure why, but it seems to be having an effect both on how I view 2020 and on how I plan for the year to come.

I remember the smell of the fire burning before my mom switched the fireplace from wood to gas logs. Christmas never felt the same after that. I remember putting up the Christmas tree and decorating it alone while my parents were at work, then wrapping all the Christmas gifts for the entire family without ever peeking in the boxes for me. Perhaps it’s the similarities between Christmas 2020 and many from my childhood that have taken me back.

For whatever reason, everything seems to remind me of something from the way way back. A food poll published by FiveThirtyEight triggered the memory of an oft told family story reflecting upon an incident in which a relative’s girlfriend was dumped for nothing more than ordering steak well-done (with steak sauce, gasp). I don’t know if that story is true or just a way to elevate the teller’s and listeners’ reputations as a discerning diners.

What does feel familiar is a comparison between the percent of poll respondents who said they prefer their steak medium-rare (38%) to the number of people who, according to Longhorn Steakhouse, ordered it that way from May 30, 2016 – May 21, 2017 (22%). One could argue that this is because Longhorn Steakhouse orders do not accurately reflect the orders of those polled. That is certainly possible but saying one thing and doing another also rings true.

If 2020 has made anything clear, it is that as a culture we’re more than comfortable seeing evidence of something and behaving as if it were something else than dealing with difficult truths. Unfortunately, this doesn’t just keep us from getting the steak we prefer, it can lead to victim blaming, risky health choices, escalating violence, political chaos, and continued social injustice. Because we must first see a problem before we can solve it, denial will forever keep us from making forward progress – personally, professionally, and as a community.

Denial is a powerful tool for maintaining the status quo. But as 2020 has also shown us, change is inevitable. When we face change by holding onto the past with white knuckles, we miss the opportunity to make the future better.

We already know that much of 2021 will be similar to 2020. Given that, it seems foolish to develop a long list of intentions for the New Year. Instead, I intend to let myself see what is and face difficult truths. That is enough. From that pivot point, I can address any problems that arise in informed, prudent, and productive ways. If we use this approach collectively, we can improve all our lives. This is where I intend to put a steak in the ground (and yes, I know it’s stake).

Wishing all of us the strength, clarity, and the insight to improve individually and as a whole in 2021.

Can’t You Do Better?