Want to get started with a gluten-free regimen, but keep hearing a voice in your head say, “I’m worried that I won’t do it perfectly”? If so, then I am here to make you feel better.
I didn’t have that thought and I still didn’t do it perfectly. A few weeks after beginning a gluten-free lifestyle, I was cooking pasta for dinner. I carefully made sure I had corn pasta on hand for me and regular pasta for the boys. I cooked it in two separate pans. I had two colanders ready to drain the pasta separately.
Everything was going according to plan until the timer told me it was about a minute until the boy’s regular pasta would be done. Without hesitation, I put a spoon in the pan, grabbed a pasta shell, drained away the water, and popped the pasta in my mouth to test the doneness. It was habit, pure and simple.
About the time I swallowed, I realized what I had done. I felt really stupid. I was worried that I would have to start all over again. A moment of *&@$$ing ensued. I told the boys what I’d done and how foolish I felt.
If I hadn’t fessed up right then, I probably would have kicked myself for a day, maybe weeks, and I might have been tempted to give up on my plan to remain gluten-free for a year before assessing the plan’s effectiveness. As it turned out, the boys gave me so much trouble I began to reflexively explain to them how what I had done wasn’t all that bad. I protested enough on my own behalf that I believed myself.
It never happened again. That incident scared me straight. Not only that, it was so early in the process, I didn’t even notice if it slowed down the healing. In retrospect, I’m glad I made that mistake when I made it. That was more than 10 years ago when I was suffering from an endless itchy rash, aching rotator cuff, overall weakness in my arms, horrible tummy aches, extreme tiredness, diarrhea and constipation, and my hair was falling out.
Within weeks of that mistake, my arm quit hurting, I started sleeping soundly again, and my tummy was starting to feel better. In a few more weeks, I could put my car in reverse with one hand again. My hair stopped falling out. Progress followed progress followed progress. There were some ups and downs during that first year as my body slowly rebuilt, but during each down period I felt better than I had in the previous down period.
Once I felt better, I began to have an aversion to the very thought of taking a bite of a fresh, yeasty roll or a crispy pizza crust. I felt too much association with my previous pain. Today, it’s second nature for me to pay close attention to what I’m eating and it’s habit to make sure it’s gluten-free. Of course, that can make it tortuous when I eat an extra scoop of ice cream because I’m very aware of what I’m doing.
My choices aren’t perfect – never have been, never will be. What I’ve learned is that it’s better to keep making steps forward than to punish myself for not being perfect or to give up because I made a mistake. If I had let my first mistake stop me, it is likely that I would have endured rotator cuff surgery; I would have continued to become weaker; my lack of sleep would have affected my work performance; and my mounting doctor bills would have adversely affected my finances.
Even now, ten years later, I sometimes get a little tummy ache and have a momentary remembrance of how bad I felt every day back then. When this happens, I always wonder how I could stand it? A tiny pain now is so distracting I simply can’t fathom how I could have focused enough to work through my pain when it was ten times worse. I feel so good now! I’m so glad that I made that first mistake and that I didn’t let it stop me from making my way down the gluten-free path!