Willpower is not the solution for improving your health, so you can stop torturing yourself! This feels like great news to me!
How does it feel for you to let go of the idea that you can force yourself through sheer will to improve? Do you feel your shoulders relax, your breath come easier, a sense of freedom and ease wash over you? That’s how I experience it. I’d probably use the word relief to describe the feeling or maybe just the expression ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Using willpower to overcome something sounds really difficult. In fact, say the word and I immediately feel my jaw clench and my chest tighten. I notice clouds of annoyance and anger roll in. I feel an immediate desire to push back or, if you know me you might say, rebel. This is how I feel IMMEDIATELY. With the introduction of the concept of willpower, I have added an obstacle. So now I have two obstacles — whatever I am attempting to change PLUS my desire to rebel against using willpower to make that change. Attempting to use willpower to make positive change has the immediate effect of reducing the possibility that I will succeed.
Anecdotal evidence supports this observation. UCLA researchers who reviewed a number of studies on weight loss found that over 83% of dieters end up regaining more weight then they initially lost. Other studies indicate more than 80% of those who lose weight on a diet gain it back.
I think all of us know that it’s no fun to white-knuckle ourselves through anything and the notion of using willpower alone to conquer our foibles most often leads us into constant battle with ourselves. When we use our energy in a war with ourselves, it leaves less energy available to experience and create calm, peace, beauty, joy, wonderment, gratitude, encouragement, and love — the very things we say we want more of. It also prevents us from embracing, acknowledging, and honoring our best selves because we’re focused on our struggle and our failures.
So how do we get those storm clouds to roll out of our psyches and make room for the blue sky of ahhhhhhhhh, relief?
It’s fairly simple really. We have to stop ignoring the obvious. The reason I feel angry if you tell me I’m not where I want to be in some area because of a lack of willpower is that I know it’s not true. I have tons of willpower and I use it every single day. I say no to the most scrumptious looking chocolate cake if it’s not gluten-free. I floss my teeth every night even though I don’t particularly enjoy it. I don’t buy every adorable pair of shoes that I want. I stand in line at the store rather than shoplift 3 very small items. I say no to happy hour when I have a work deadline to meet.
Why not give credit where credit is due? I have plenty of willpower. I make tons of good choices every single day. I make a few excellent choices each day. I also make a few bad choices each day. Know what that makes me? Normal, human, and just like most of you.
I don’t often feel a need to fret about the fact that I sometimes make bad choices because I know it’s inevitable. Just like any failure, it’s a normal part of the learning process. If I begin to obsess over a mistake and start to deprive or punish myself, I recognize that I need to refocus my internal dialogue.
How can I possibly improve if I don’t use willpower? I’m already motivated in that I want and intend to improve, so I’ll take that ahhhhhhhhh feeling of relief and build on it by choosing activities that bring me joy or pleasure. For instance, if I want to include plenty of physical activity in my routine, I’ll focus on what makes me feel good.
I love how I feel in the water so I’ll look for a lap pool nearby. Lifting weights makes me feel relaxed and loose so I’ll add some weight lifting to my Sunday night TV viewing. I love getting out in the sunshine. It’s about 3 1/2 miles round trip to pick up the mail from my post office box. On sunny days, I can walk there and back. There’s a particular yoga class that makes me feel peaceful. I’ll be sure to attend it once a week. Positive anticipation of the pleasure of these activities not only replaces using force of will, it’s much more effective because it eliminates my internal struggle.
If circumstances cause me to miss walking one day, I will focus on the pleasure I’ll derive from my next walk or swim. Since I’ll have no reason to feel guilty or like I’ve failed, there’s a chance for positive momentum to feed positive momentum. What do you say to positive momentum? I just say YES!
Want to improve your health this year? Forget about willpower; stop torturing yourself, and just say yes! It will make you feel great!
http://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/Dieting-Does-Not-Work-UCLA-Researchers-7832
