Uncategorized – Page 27 – in thriver words

Who Said Life Would Be Easy?

Many of us seem to be frustrated that things are hard right now, but who said life would be easy? Of course life isn’t easy! Why do we act like it should be? And why do we choose to accept that difficult is inherently bad?

Difficulty breeds innovation. It gives us an opportunity to appreciate moments of comfort and ease. Meeting a challenge brings a sense of accomplishment. These are not bad things.

Yes, we’ve been served a big dose of strong medicine all at once. But that’s not really the problem. The problem is trying to force things to go “back to normal.” That normal is gone. Adjustment is necessary.

Adjustment often comes with a sense of loss, grief, helplessness, fatigue, sadness, frustration, fear, and anger. That does not automatically spell catastrophe unless we choose to define it that way. Most of us have within us the resources to weather much more than we imagine. We just need to believe it and draw on those resources.

When our internal resources need bolstering, we can say so out loud to someone capable of holding our truth, lending assistance, and encouraging us. I promise you, there are people who will listen, feel empathy for you, and can help hold your burden. There are people who can, and will, provide you with food, clothing, or assistance with bills.

It may not be those you WANT to or believe SHOULD provide for you. But holding onto the fantasy that a dismissive parent, self-focused friend, humiliating spouse, or bureaucratic system will suddenly change prevents you from finding better resources. Now is the time for letting go!

I am not discounting the strength and courage it takes to move forward when you’re terrified. I lived with underlying fear for at least my first 55 years. I am skilled at talking myself off the ledge. But that’s just it: I feel confident I can push through my fear and shift swiftly when I need to. I am, if anything, adaptable.

At this moment, I keep hearing Jack Nicholson in my head saying, “You can’t handle the truth!” like he did in the movie “A Few Good Men.” It feels like many people currently accept that as fact and choose to avoid information that is hard to hear. That’s a choice that can put you at additional risk both health-wise and financially.

But you can handle the truth. Life is hard. That’s not devastating news.

My eldest son told his wife the other day, “I was built for this.” I feel the same way. That doesn’t mean the current state of affairs would be our first choice. It doesn’t mean we don’t value easygoing, fun times. It just means we know about ourselves that we can handle this new reality. We will find our way through the challenges and feel our way through the heartache. It will not destroy us.

You will have new challenges today that you did not anticipate a month ago, a week ago, or yesterday. It feels like that is something new, but isn’t that always true in life? Think of all of the unanticipated challenges you’ve already faced. Those allowed you to build the emotional muscle you need to meet an even bigger challenge.

Celebrate your courage, bravery, stamina, and good decisions! Flex your resilience muscle by supporting your friends, family, or a vulnerable population that moves your heart. When your hands are busy, your mind will settle. When you channel your energy into helping others, the reward is always yours.

This week, when you meet each day, see if you can feel however any new difficulties make you feel and then let those feelings go or channel them into energy to make the most of the opportunities presented. After all, the flip side of a challenge is always an opportunity.

Life is hard. You cannot control every detail. There will be uncertainty. Within that uncertainty are opportunities for greatness and excellence! I choose to embrace and celebrate those no matter how small! And I am grateful for the chance to do so. I have never believed that life will be easy. Who said that anyway?

https://www.theschooloflife.com/

5 Reasons You Can Be Glad You’re Flawed

Face Mask Memories

I already have face mask memories. Soon you will too. It seems my mother was ahead of her time. She wore a mask so often we called her “the woman with no face.” Of course, during ragweed season she also plugged her nose with silk panties so maybe she was just weird. Even though I was small during the silk-panty-nose-stuffing era, I remember it vividly. I wonder what children will remember from this time?

My grandson DJ is the same age I was when those visuals were burned into my brain. Yesterday, he and I made up songs about coronavirus because, well why not? I was explaining why he couldn’t take swimming lessons right now. It was about the 15th virus-related thing I’d had to explain yesterday. He’s sick of hearing about washing his hands, using a tissue, not touching his eyes, not running out to greet our neighbors, and why we need to take his temperature even though we’re pretty sure he just has allergies. At least putting the reason to a beat made it a bit less tiresome.

Soon, face masks will become part of his experience too as will bandanas over the face. I associate that look with farmers, but it probably makes most people my age think of bandits or bank robbers. This can cause some confusion when a car backfires, the police sensors pick it up, and a bandana masked policeman shows up at your door. Is this a bandit posing as a policeman or a policeman who wants to rob you?

Now I know that sounds like a far-fetched, made-up scenario. But that’s because you don’t own a 1978 International Scout and live in a neighborhood where gunfire is common. We had just such an event on my street last night. (That bandana part could be made up. I didn’t see the cops faces. But it makes for a better story, don’t you think?)

And the weirdness of that visual accurately reflects how things feel right now. Nothing that was true two weeks ago is true today. Thinking has to shift swiftly. In a pandemic, you only get one chance to prevent. You cannot go backward.

Financial thinking will have to shift quickly as well. Did I make a mistake putting that 2019 IRA contribution in my account last week? Should I have kept it as a reserve instead? I don’t know. None of us know. We are facing territory we aren’t familiar with.

Can some of the unemployed in Georgia shift their thinking quickly enough to harvest the currently ripening blueberries and squash that farmers lack migrant labor to harvest? If so, we can prevent holes in our food chain, save some farms, and get income in their hands. But it will require a shift from predominant thinking. And uncertainty often leads to one of the four F responses: Fight, Flee, Fawn, or Freeze.

This is another opportunity for face masks to help. Just think how many superheroes wear face masks: Batman, Spider-Man, Wolverine, and the Flash all wear masks. And so do our real-life superheroes: healthcare workers. If we follow the new CDC guideline, we can all be superheroes!

Superheroes are powerful. Viewing ourselves as powerful can help bolster us as we navigate our way through uncertainty. Perhaps the face mask will become a symbol of courage and community-mindedness.

Hopefully, that’s what our children will remember from this time, our courage and willingness to adapt quickly for the benefit of our entire world community. At least that’s my wish for new face mask memories!

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/prevent-getting-sick/cloth-face-cover.html

It’s Good to be an Oddball!

If navigating the supply shortage puzzle has taught me anything, it’s that it’s good to be an oddball! When you like things no one else wants in a time of scarcity, you’re more likely to find available inventory. Now is a great time to celebrate your unique tastes!

I live in the state that’s home to 2019s top meat and poultry processor and the world’s largest retailer. I never considered that a time would come when there would be no fresh chicken or beef available. And yet, that time came this week. Even given my awareness of the great toilet paper fiasco of 2020, I felt a jolt to my system.

Not to worry, I won’t starve. I love raw nuts, Brussels sprouts, and asparagus. There seems to be an ample supply of those. Today, I can buy a dozen zucchini, a dozen broccoli crowns, a dozen heads of cauliflower, and a dozen bunches of asparagus. In contrast, fresh potato choices have dwindled, dried beans are unavailable, and rice choices are down to one.

The same is true of cleaning products. I’ve had to use disinfecting mop wipes on above the floor surfaces, but I can consistently buy Clorox® ToiletWand disinfecting refills. I’m good with that. I like being able to throw away the dirty cleaning head. (And before you judge me too harshly for not being green enough, please consider that I used cloth diapers when my children were babies. That’s totally cloth, not cloth with a disposable insert, and I have paid it forward in other ways.)

Through the years, I’ve frequently lamented the disappearance of my favorites from the marketplace. (I miss you Banana Fudgsicles!) Now I realize my time has come. It’s a great day to be slightly out of step.

Today, I feel sadness for so many families with sick members, my healthcare worker friends, and those who have no income. I feel bad for those who are afraid.

I also feel grateful. Every difficult, lonely, sad, and traumatic moment in my life has (sometimes in odd ways) prepared me for this uncertain time. That doesn’t make me happy about the experiences, but it makes me thankful for the skills and resilience I gained through them.

And my particular set of life events put me slightly out of step. That I can celebrate! It’s good to be an oddball!

https://www.provisioneronline.com/2019-top-100-meat-and-poultry-processors

https://www.meatinstitute.org/index.php?ht=d/sp/i/286/pid/286/cat_id/103201

https://www.forbes.com/sites/callyrussell/2020/01/09/who-are-the-10-biggest-retailers-in-the-world/#727111

Just Stop Already!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Monday Musing

Monday musing = It is Monday and I am musing. Sometimes things are simple and mean what they seem to mean. Let’s keep it that way.

In fact, I’ll muse about simplicity for a moment.

mountain view — Height of Land in Bethel, Maine

I prefer simple communication.
I prefer simple, straightforward communication to flowery flattery or free flowing expressions of affection. I’ve had too much experience with ridiculous euphemisms and vague hidden messages. I CAN handle the truth…and I prefer it.

I like simple solutions.
Often I find them by improving the process. The time, energy, thought, and effort put into planning and organization pay off over and over again by preventing convoluted outcomes. Process solutions free of secondary complications can be as layered and responsive as required. And they can keep me from spending all of my time fighting fires.

Simple solutions can also be found in the moment.
When I left the butter out overnight, I realized I automatically use less when it’s easy to spread. Now I keep some salted butter on the counter and some in the refrigerator.

When my brand new roof leaked and I discovered a tiny bit of mold, I learned I could kill it with vinegar. I didn’t need the hassle and expense of a hazmat-suited team armed with chemicals.

In the middle of an argument, I quickly remembered I can eliminate most food disagreements with a toddler by offering limited choices. When I give my grandson DJ a choice of oranges or grapes and hummus or cottage cheese, he happily chooses one from each category and eats them without fussing. (While this is more difficult to accomplish with my two-year-old granddaughter who has Down Syndrome and cannot talk, we are working on a choice between milk or water using sign language. She also needs to learn that she has options and can determine her path.)

Many simple solutions are obvious.
I can walk more by parking further away. I can drink more water by carrying it with me or drinking only water in restaurants. I will have more time to read if I turn off the TV. I will have more money to spend later when I save now.

Great food can be simple.
I ate a harvest vegetable risotto last week that was scrumptious. The flavor came primarily from the sweet potatoes, asparagus, mushrooms, spinach, and cherry tomatoes amidst the rice. No heavy seasoning or sauce was needed. In fact, making the flavor profile more complex would not have improved my enjoyment. I love dishes like that!

A workout can be simple.
One day I decided walking up and down my stairs would be an easy way to get some aerobic exercise. I figured 10 trips up and down would be fast and easy. There are 24 steps. I set out at a quick pace. Three flights later, I was huffing and puffing. Walking stairs is a simple workout, but it’s not necessarily easy.

Fun can be simple, too.
I don’t really need bright lights, loud music, and lots of people around to have a good time. Give me a gorgeous mountain view, an uncrowded swimming pool, a good book, a spirited discussion, an inspiring performance or exhibit, and the uninhibited giggles of a grandchild and I can have a wonderful time.

Difficult decisions can be made using a simple process.
Narrow your options to those that align with your intentions and values. Review each remaining option asking: Does this option solve a problem, accomplish a defined goal, benefit my finances, make life more pleasant or peaceful? Rarely will each option have an equal number of benefits.

If all options seem equal, review the options again asking: Does this option benefit my family as well as myself; does it put me in a vulnerable or questionable financial position for a period of time; which choice will benefit me more in one, five, or ten years? Again, it will be rare for every option to be equally weighted.

Break down the complicated.
If you still find yourself stuck or paralyzed and simply can’t make a decision, you are most likely caught in some issue other than the decision at hand. Recognizing this frees you up to move away from spinning your wheels trying to make a particular decision and put that energy toward examining the source of underlying paralysis. Once that’s addressed, the decision will become simple.

The simplest actions can mean the most.
Take the time to let your children know you see them. Look your friends, family, colleagues, and enemies in the eye. Actively listen. Say thank you. Stay home when you’re sick. Choose kindness. Apologize. Be dependable and reliable. Say no when you mean no. Give time.

Well, I mused so long it’s now Tuesday. Time to stop musing and go vote!