It’s a holiday and nobody wants a wet blanket at the party! I am qualified to give Fourth of July advice because I once lived in a house with patriotically colored shag carpet. I’m not kidding, the house had red, white, and blue carpet. When I lived there, my family hosted a Fourth of July party at which invitees were asked to design a new flag or write a new national anthem.
Participation was enthusiastic. One couple extended a dog food bag between two poles and barked their national anthem. One couple displayed a Butter Side Down flag and read Dr. Seuss’s “The Butter Battle Book”. Two young men representing the Nation of Lost Children waved inflated condom flags on their heads. (I didn’t say the party was reverent.) No one took things too seriously and no one was afraid to participate.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been to a party like that. Cell phone cameras, social media derision, and an increasingly thin cultural skin has put a damper on lots of good-natured fun. With this new starting point, I feel even more responsibility to make sure I remain gluten-free without throwing a wet blanket on the party! You may feel the same way. My approach to gluten-free party fun is practical.
Family BBQ
Many Fourth of July celebrations include a family barbecue in the backyard, around the pool, at the lake, or on the beach. The key word here is family. You know your family dynamics. While I prefer to default to the direct approach, sometimes long-standing dysfunction means directness gets rewarded with punishment. If you believe that your requests will be ignored or your contribution unwelcome, you still have options to make a family gathering work for you. Let’s explore several possibilities.
Volunteer to bring an appetizer, side dish, or dessert.
I like this option because it’s a chance to change preconceived notions about gluten-free food. Ask if the host has specific dish in mind then, without mentioning it in advance, bring a gluten-free version that knocks their socks off. When you get a compliment and casually mention you made it gluten-free, you can see light bulbs go off. I love it when that happens!
Bring a favorite family recipe.
My Aunt Opal and my ex-husband take a slightly different approach. They arrive at parties bearing family favorites. While they hostess may not have been expecting it, the minute word spreads that Aunt Opal brought a cherry pie, excitement builds. If you make a mean GF version of your grandmother’s pound cake, just bring it and see what happens. Save a portion for yourself in a discreet separate container so you have a desert option available. If the hostess doesn’t want to serve the rest of the cake alongside her desserts, you can eat your portion and leave the rest as a hostess gift.
Make it easy for the host.
If your sister-in-law begins to fret that she isn’t sure which hot dogs are gluten-free, offer to bring a package so she doesn’t have to read labels. If she doesn’t like that idea, ask if she’d mind saving the package until you have a chance to read it. Either option takes the burden off the host and puts it on you. Making it easier for the host means anticipating your presence at an event won’t put a damper on the party planning.
Don’t whine.
Whining is a definite wet blanket. Even if you believe that your sister was deliberate in failing to provide an option for you at the family bbq, don’t whine at the party. Feel however you want to feel and vent about it later if you’d like, but don’t let her see you sweat. This will take away her power to ignore, dismiss, or torment you and it will allow you to continue to receive invitations to extended family functions. Next year, you don’t have to be available for your sister’s party at all!
It’s much easier not to whine when you’re not hungry. If your family is unreliable, approach the family party as though it’s being hosted by a distant acquaintance. Be prepared by stashing a small cooler in the car filled with your food. You can excuse yourself to eat at the car, or fill your plate from the cooler depending on the circumstances.
No matter how difficult or uncomfortable a situation, it is absolutely okay to take care of yourself. If you do so in the most considerate way possible and a family member becomes irritable, rude, hateful, or cruel, it may be time to reexamine the health of your relationship with that person.
Sometimes it is difficult to see family members as they really are. It can be absolutely heartbreaking to recognize that those you most want to love, protect, and nurture you don’t have your best interest at heart. Unfortunately, the pertinent question may be whether you should sacrifice your well-being or limit your contact. I encourage you to protect your physical and emotional health even if a relationship doesn’t survive. Independence Day is the perfect time to become independently healthy!
Community Festival
Some towns have 4th-of-July festivals with concerts and fireworks. There’s a lot to enjoy even if you can’t have a funnel cake. A little preparation will allow you to relax and have as much fun as everyone else.
Investigate.
Many festival details will be available on community calendars, in the media, or from the local Chamber of Commerce. Knowing which food vendors or trucks are participating in an event gives you a chance to review menus or contact the vendors for information. There may be plenty of gluten-free options available on site.
Be prepared.
In the heat of summer a lightweight, easy to carry cooler bag is a great investment. With your potato salad on ice, you don’t have to worry about it spoiling. There are backpack styles, messenger bags, and rolling coolers. If your town frowns on outside food at an event, a baby food pack may be in order. If it prohibits outside food, try contacting the organizers for an exception.
Have a fallback plan.
In my family, too hungry comes along with shakiness, irritability, and confusion. If you don’t want a wet blanket squelching your fun, it’s best to never reach that point. That’s why we always have a fallback plan. When it’s impossible to determine what will be offered and bringing food is prevented, we pre-eat.
At one time pre-eating was the standard plan for gluten-free party participants. It’s slightly less necessary now than five years ago, but sometimes it’s still the best option.
Bring a positive attitude!
Of course the real key to having fun whether or not there are gluten-free options is choosing a positive attitude. Many times the only difference between having a fun time or an awful time is making the decision to see all the positive and ignore most of the negative.
Alternative Plans
At other times, you may not be able to wrestle a positive attitude. That’s okay. If you are in too much pain, are exhausted, or simply don’t have enough support in your life at any given time, an event may feel like an additional burden rather than a fun escape. An alternative plan can help keep you connected, but lessen the burden of investigating and planning.
If eating leftovers and taking a long hot bath while everyone else is at the festival makes you feel renewed, that may be a better choice. Offer your friends or family a compromise. After some renewal time, you will plan to join everyone later for drinks and fireworks.
Have fun!
You’ll always have more fun when you can relax and be present in the moment. Planning just enough to make sure your basic needs will be provided for can alleviate anxiety and allow you to focus on the fun of seeing how far you can spit a watermelon seed, spray water with the hose, or shoot a bottle rocket.
Happy 4th! Have fun!
