When struggling to take care of yourself, just tri it!
Often the thing we need to meet the everyday challenges of living with a chronic condition is support. We look to our families, but they may be busy or overwhelmed themselves. We look to our friends, but we don’t want to put a damper on every occasion. There aren’t always support groups available for the kind of support we need.
When we have to reach beyond our everyday contacts and we’re already feeling under water, it can seem daunting to locate the resources we need. We may imagine what feels like a big obstacle into a bigger mountain than it has to be.
You only have to add one wheel to make a bicycle stable and a third leg to keep your camera stand steady. Three isn’t a huge number, but it’s enough to create a scaffold for a tomato plant.
And it may be enough to create a scaffold of support as well. If you’ve created a lengthy mental list of the support you need to stay on a healthy path, hone it down. Choose three things based on: what is most readily available, most in line with your values, and most easily adaptable to your everyday lifestyle.
If you’ve imagined an intricate, layered, and vast support system because your needs feel huge, a three-pronged support system may sound insignificant. But that’s just because you need to adjust your expectations. You really won’t know the effects until you scaffold up and see what happens. Keep in mind, positive builds on positive.
What does three-pronged support look like?
Everyone’s lifestyle, resources, and ideal plan will vary. The possibilities for adaptations will be endless. A little imagination, observation, and flexibility will let you devise a system that works.
It’s okay to start with the lengthy list of things you’d like to have in an ideal world. You can chisel that down to a workable three. After a period of time, you may discover one prong isn’t working like you thought it would. Remove that one and replace it.
For instance…
Your ideal plan includes a personal chef. Your revised plan might be to have your mom keep the kids half a day each week so you can prep and cook several meals while listening to your favorite tunes or podcast.
If that doesn’t work, a fresh meal subscription service could be a good option. It will save you time and mental preparation.
You want a personal trainer. You may be able to find a virtual personalized program.
If that doesn’t work, you may have a neighbor who’d like to walk with you every morning. There could be a rowing team in your area that needs an extra person. Your local library may offer free yoga classes.
You need something to feed your mind and spirit. A painting class, free lecture series, or even a book club can fill that spot.
You might try singing in a choir, fishing with your grandkids, rocking babies in NICU, or reading to the elderly.
I know some of those things sound like I’m saying you should put energy you don’t have into other people. Some of them start that way. But getting away from your house and its to-do list to rock a baby so it will thrive will feed your spirit in ways you don’t imagine.
Another thing to keep in mind is that no plan is perfect. Planas don’t have to be. Sometimes, when we pay close attention, it’s the things we never planned on that make us feel better.
Support can also look like setting better boundaries and saying no. In fact, if you’re not sure where to start, start by saying no. A lot. Removing noise can clear the path to better awareness of what we need vs what we want.
So, say no. Try something, rinse, repeat. Three pillars of support can vastly improve how you feel. Tri it!
