Sometimes when we need external support, it doesn’t show up and we have to rely on internal resources. Obviously, if we’ve reached the point of asking for help, we may not be in the best position to grab those bootstraps and tug. What can help when we’re in a tight spot?
Each of us is an individual. What works for me may not work as well for you, but it doesn’t hurt to try different things. And the best time to build internal resources is when we don’t need them. That way, we have a store to pull from when necessity dictates.
Here are a few things to try:
Music – Create a playlist of tunes that inspire you. Make another that let’s you process sadness. Another could help you scream out some rage. Keep them handy for the moments you need them.
Books – If there are books that help distract you, make you laugh, or just make you feel less alone, make sure to carry them with you when you’re headed for a tough situation. Also, try picture books. Many are reassuring, soothing, or silly. They can hit just the right note even if you’re technically past the target age.
Volunteer– For whatever reason, helping someone else can be the best way to help yourself. Even when you feel like you can’t possibly handle another burden, what you may find is understanding and gratitude that feeds your spirit.
Play – Grab a swing at the park and see how high you can go. Swing a golf club at the driving range. Swim, bike, run. Fly a kite. Play chess. Choose something that makes you feel competent, good, or carefree and lean in.
Binge Watch – Like books, video can offer a sense of catharsis. It may also provide characters that help you feel protected or understood. It’s also a great distraction that can also help ease you into conversations with other people.
Get Out In Nature – Listen to the surf hitting the beach. Find a waterfall. Ride horses. Photograph the sunset or sunrise. Walk in the rain without a raincoat. Plant something. Reminding yourself of the reliability of sunrise and sunset can feel calming.
Practice Gratitude – The very best time to practice gratitude is when you’re having trouble feeling it. And when things are tough, you may not be feeling grateful. Making lists will refocus your energy and it can be healing.
Journal – Write it out. It’s not the same as talking to someone, but sometimes writing allows you to express things you would otherwise censor. Who knows, you may discover a love for writing.
Complete a Project – If you’re physically able, completing a project you’ve been avoiding can be just the thing to make you feel able and strong. If you begin and discover it’s too much, it’s okay. Stop and try something different.
Find or Make a Reminder – Think back to a time when you had sufficient energy to take on a challenge. Choose a symbolic reminder of that time that you can wear or see frequently. See if you can feel a bit of that energy each time you look at the symbol.
Sometimes it’s hard to know why something makes us feel good. To build internal resources, it’s not important to analyze why. The idea is just to build the good feelings. I recently joined a friend spur of the moment for food, a band, and a lecture by a sculptor.
The menu was not friendly for me so I was skeptical when we first arrived, but when the band started, I felt a rush of happiness and enjoyment. I soaked in every minute. It was great and I was so glad I agreed to go. I’ve banked that moment so that I can reach the feeling when I need it.
If, like me, you have a tendency to go it alone most of the time, it can be good to resist that temptation. We all need comfort and support. We will all also have times when the only person who will show up for us is us. That’s when internal resources can be life savers.