How do you know if you need a change of venue or a change of view? When things aren’t feeling good at home, at your job, with your fitness routine, or in the kitchen it can be tempting to cast out the old, uproot yourself, and make a huge change.
This may be appropriate. If your neighborhood has become dangerous, it could be wise to move. If your job has never made you happy or you see no way to advance, it could be wise to change to a whole different career. If your fitness routine doesn’t improve your endurance, strength, or flexibility or doesn’t leave you feeling calmer or more balanced, maybe you do need a new fancy piece of equipment. If you find yourself reaching for junk food, maybe you need a new stove.
But big changes can come with big costs, huge stakes, and may or may not take care of the problem. Any big change will be a distraction for a while. The question is whether that change will directly result in improving whatever it is that’s causing you discomfort.
Sometimes a need for change is obvious. When I was learning to fly, my first instructor screamed at me pretty much from the time we turned final until we were on the ground each and every landing. It quickly became clear that he was not the best instructor for me. I needed calm confidence behind the other controls. Once I had that, I could relax and improve.
At other times, it is harder to determine whether I need to change something external or change my internal view.
I’ve been called a risk taker because I started a business when I was a single mom not receiving regular child support. I’ve been called a risk taker because I sold a successful business to pursue another path entirely. I’ve been called a risk taker because I learned to fly.
But if you know me well, you know I’m not really a risk taker. I am a careful student who learns as much as I can, weighs each outcome I can envision, and then decides what to do. At times that has meant changing pretty much every external thing in my life all at once. At other times, it has meant staying on a path when the timing didn’t pan out as expected.
To a casual observer, my decisions may look rash or erratic. To the impatient, I could appear indecisive. To the conservative, I can look like a rebel. And to the impulsive, I can feel like an anchor. But the results are decisions I feel confident in and comfortable with.
So how do I get there?
I begin by identifying the fundamental problem I’m trying to solve.
Once I’ve identified the problem, I look for possible simple solutions.
The simplest solution can be to change the way I view something. But that can be the most difficult emotionally. For example, it may be hard to give up a childhood wish for a house with the perfect lap pool located on a tree-lined street even though it doesn’t meet any more needs than living in my current home with its ample back yard and swimming at the rec center.
When my children were young, I wanted to pursue a PhD. I wasn’t happy with my job and I’d always wanted a PhD. First, I’d need a Masters. I explored degree programs, looked at course offerings and schedules, and investigated financial aid.
The financial reality was that I would have to work full time and go to school in the evening. There were course offerings that would allow that. I would qualify for financial aid. I just needed to find someone to watch the kids.
I could get the degree I wanted plus I’d be eligible for more jobs. But I’d already taught a Freshman Comp course at a community college and determined I hated teaching. I decided I might want to be a therapist, so I looked at PsyD programs.
When I got to the point of finding someone to watch the children, I realized how little I would see them…for years. At that point, I decided it wasn’t worth it to me to pursue the degree. Instead, I could find a different job using the BA and experience I already had.
Eventually, that lead to starting my first business where I was the only salesperson. I spent hours listening to clients and learning their stories. This satisfied the part of me that would have enjoyed being a therapist.
I didn’t go from having a dream to finding an adequate substitute for the underlying need in a straight line, but over time that’s exactly what happened. And I was able to avoid the regret I knew I would feel missing out on time with my kids.
Whether the simplest solution is a change in my view of the situation or a change in external circumstances, I implement small improvements I can as quickly and inexpensively as I can. Sometimes, that’s all that’s required. A simple solution provides an adequate change.
If a simple solution doesn’t feel sufficient after a period of time, I move to the next simple step. Once I run out of simple ideas, I begin to look at larger changes.
Slowly implementing change gives me a chance to let go of desires that feel compelling in a moment but less important later. It also means that I am less likely to feel overwhelmed. Along the way, I have the opportunity to shift my point of view and see if it makes a difference.
You know how it sometimes feels like we just fell into the right thing? Intentionally implementing small improvements until everything feels right often feels that way. And a change of venue may not be required at all.