Do you feel excited about this week or is it just another Monday? Honestly, I’m asking myself this question. I should feel excited. After five years of settling family estates, I have no more paperwork left! I could feel excited. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the temperature is pleasant. But do I feel excited? Not really.
I’m not depressed. I’m making progress on numerous work fronts. I have a long list of things I look forward to. But everything is tempered by an underlying sense of sadness and loss.
Without context, such a statement seems to automatically trigger speculation about my mental health. Stop it, already. I just happened to fail to mention some recent losses. Feeling a sense of sadness and loss in response to loss is normal, not bad.
Feeling a sense of fear or anxiety in response to real world risk can be perfectly normal and yep, healthy. And we are experiencing a time of increased disappointment, risk, and loss.
Feeling some way besides positive about the state of things may not be any sort of indication of anything other than being well-adjusted. It could signal a person who is well-grounded, courageous, empathetic, and resilient.
But we seem to have adopted the general view that any emotional struggle is a sign of mental illness. We characterize a victim’s response to trauma as a personal flaw or weakness. Think of the language surrounding Simone Biles’ decision to withdraw from team competition at the Tokyo Olympics or Naomi Osaka’s refusal to speak to journalists at the French Open.
For both of them, choosing self-care became characterized as dealing with mental health issues. Okay, yeees technically any decision made to benefit one’s mental health is a decision based on a mental health issue. But the connotation of the language as it is commonly used is not technical. It’s most often othering, condemning, or dismissive.
It’s not particularly surprising that a culture that works, consumes, busies, and drinks itself into avoidance on the regular would look away when things get uncomfortable. It is frustrating that in the year since I last broached this subject, I haven’t seen any sort of shift toward self-awareness or a change in the conversation, just more lip service about removing the stigma.
That stigma supports a Us vs Them, Me vs You divide. We have created and reinforced many such divides the past few years. They may make us feel more secure or superior for a moment, but they are not serving society well.
How do we remove the stigma?
- Stop automatically referring to every “negative” emotion as a mental health issue that indicates mental illness.
- Avoid using the term mental illness. Specific diagnoses exist. Use those when appropriate.
- Stop diagnosing unless you have the proper qualifications and have been chosen as a healthcare provider.
- Stop characterizing emotions as good or bad, positive or negative.
- When speaking of a victim who is experiencing a response to trauma (past or current), speak of their wound or their experience of trauma or loss. For example, Simone Biles chose to care for herself after the public discussion of her trauma at the hands of Dr. Larry Nassar. This type of statement correctly places responsibility on the perpetrator who inflicted, or situation that resulted in, a wound.
- Acknowledge that life is difficult and we all struggle at times. If you haven’t experienced difficulty yet, you will. Stop posturing as though you’re different. Emotional adjustments are necessary for every single one of us.
- Actively listen. Do not turn away when another’s pain makes you uncomfortable.
- Allow children to feel and express a full range of emotion without judging the emotions themselves. Guide them to choose appropriate behaviors in response to emotions.
- Create work environments that are non-punitive, balanced, and allow for self-care.
- Only share observations or opinions after careful self-reflection.
Using any sort of health condition or discussion to subdue or victimize people is inappropriate. Using “mental health issues” to diminish, subdue, manipulate, or victimize people seems even worse.
Perhaps it’s not just another Monday. Perhaps it’s time to rethink discussions about mental health.
