Even change for good can be hard. Landing your dream job still means learning a new system and having to make new work friends. It might mean a longer commute. Selling your manuscript means an editor will ask you to revise something you’ve already revised. Eliminating processed food from your diet may make you healthier, but it will mean cooking more. And cooking can seem like an insurmountable obstacle on a day when your dream job goes long.
We tend to romanticize good changes and vilify changes we don’t view favorably. Our bias can be so pervasive and intrusive that we catastrophize or idealize to the point we lose perspective. The truth is that good changes come with challenges and challenging changes come with unexpected good. Nothing is all bad or all good – unless we choose to see it that way.
In that sense, we control our own destiny. We cannot control everything that happens, but we can control our response.
Diagnosed with celiac disease? We can lament the horror of life without our favorite bread, doughnut, or cereal or we can learn to love new versions of our favorites.
Have to avoid dairy? We can bemoan the repugnance of life without ice cream or discover how the deliciousness or coconut milk frozen treats.
Can’t tolerate sulfites? We can wail when our friend orders a glass of wine or join her fun with a cocktail or mocktail in hand.
Is every necessary shift fun? NO! Should some of them not happen? YES! Do we sometimes have to change to avoid a greater danger? YES! Is that a good thing? Not necessarily. But the ability to have a thoughtful, balanced response to any situation is a sign of adaptability and resilience.
- Does change FEEL awkward? Then feel the awkwardness and proceed.
- Does change feel sad? Gather the tools you need to process your sadness. Allot time to sit with it. After that, do what you would do if you didn’t feel sad. In other words, give your sadness compassionate boundaries. Allow things to flow without getting stuck or turning sadness into catastrophe or a default state.
- Does change feel annoying? Pout for a minute. Whine out loud to yourself. Then do what you would tell your three-year-old to do.
- Does the sucky part of change feel personal? It’s not. You are not being persecuted by some invisible force. How would you advise a friend feeling the way you feel?
- Does change feel like giving up something? Of course. You’re giving up the past, comfort, the known. Feel the loss. It’s real.
- Does change feel scary? There’s usually some fear attached to change. The key is not letting fear escalate and become paralyzing.
- Do you feel depressed after a change? Depression is a normal response to change. Temporary depression that is. If it looms long or leads to suicidal ideation, different story. Consult a professional to help you determine what you’re dealing with and how best to process it.
While I’ve stated all of this as though it’s simple, it’s not. It requires dedication, courage, perseverance, and support – emphasis on finding the right kind of support. One thing to keep in mind is feelings change and shift. When you sit with them, they lose their acuteness and morph into more tolerable levels of discomfort.
With all that said, if you live with PTSD or C-PTSD, it can be especially confusing when changes for good feel life threatening. You may find yourself in an extreme emotional state without warning. This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. And it doesn’t mean you can never embrace change. It simply means you may need more specialized help to get from point A to point B.
Life is hard. Change is hard. Being hard means it gives you a challenge that can help you grow. And when your health depends on change, accepting the challenge is a change for good.
