Today I want to talk to you moms, dads, grandmas, brothers, sisters, aunts, in-laws and friends who will be hosting someone gluten-free at your Thanksgiving dinner. First of all, thank you in advance for all your planning, hard work, and generosity in welcoming friends and family into your home.
I know many of you have demanding jobs and numerous obligations, so when you get that call, email, or text announcing that your nephew has to be gluten free, your first thought may be, well phooey, I don’t need anything else to think about. If that’s your first response, that’s okay. If that’s your final response, it’s still okay.
Seriously, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you saying something like, “I’m so glad you’re going to join us and of course I want Bobby to be healthy. I have no idea what gluten-free means, and I don’t really feel like I can add anything to my list right now. Would you mind bringing his food with you, or can I email you my recipes to review so you’ll know what he’ll be able to eat and then you can fill in any gaps? I really appreciate it. I have as much on my plate as I can handle.”
Even if part of your family grumbles, it is better to politely refuse to do something that will overtax you than it is to force yourself to comply and then feel annoyance or resentment which will keep you from connecting with your loved ones. If Bobby’s parents decide to boycott and complain to the rest of the family, it is still okay to take care of yourself. Don’t worry; I have plenty to say to the boycotters as well. It will just be in a separate post.
When families get together there is great opportunity to replay old dysfunctional patterns. You may be tempted to engage in those patterns and in the process allow a gluten-free way of living to become the battleground. Resisting this temptation is a way for you to support a relative who may be struggling to remain compliant himself. While I can assure you from personal experience that many health issues can be resolved with a gluten-free way of living, or I can assure you that recent scientific studies(1) show that gluten is damaging to a larger portion of the population than previously believed, you may still feel skeptical or believe that gluten-free diets are a fad.
If you’re skeptical, that’s okay. If you think gluten-free diets are silly, that’s okay. You do not have to agree with the lifestyle. In fact, let’s say you don’t agree. I will still ask you to honor any gluten-free requests you receive. This is a loving act that shows you care. The exciting part is that you can honor such a request without changing your meal plan, your shopping list, or becoming a gluten-free expert.
Now that you know it’s okay not to add unnecessary pressure to yourself, here are five simple ways to accommodate your gluten-free guests:
1)As the host, one of the most important things you can provide a gluten-free guest is ingredient information. Allowing your guest to review the ingredients shows your concern and relieves you of the duty of determining whether a dish is gluten-free. If you cook from recipes, place a post-it flag in your cookbook, leave your index card out, or have your stack of printouts handy when the gluten-free guest arrives. If you use items that are from a box, can, mix, or frozen package, place the empty containers in a plastic bag away from other trash so that your gluten-free loved one can review the labels before heading to the dining room.
2)Once they’ve reviewed ingredients and made the choices they feel are safe, you can honor the gluten-free by resisting the temptation to encourage them to have just a taste of your cherry pie, a small serving of stuffing because it’s mostly cornbread, or to scrape the gravy off the turkey and eat it anyway. They will not starve even if salad is the only thing on their plate. It can be helpful to recognize that a polite refusal of some items on the table is not intended as an affront to your cooking or you. It is simply a requirement for your guest to remain healthy. Don’t worry if someone else at the table dishes out advice. Allow the gluten-free to handle such advice in a gracious manner. If they should fail to remain respectful or gracious and instead become rude and demanding, it is appropriate to step in and mediate. Keeping a sense of humor about any inadvertent misunderstandings can have a hugely positive effect on all the parties involved.
3)Encourage the gluten-free guest to bring a gluten-free side dish or dessert to share with everyone. Hey, what’s wrong with allowing them to bring as much as they’re willing to contribute? It will take some of the burden off of you and give you something new to try. The result may be surprisingly good.
4)Stop by your local gluten-free bakery and grab some stuffing, or dinner rolls, or a pumpkin pie. You need not have a gluten-free substitute for every single item you’re serving. One special item will do. This gesture shows your thoughtfulness and will be greatly appreciated.
5)If your family loves adventure and you have plenty of time and energy, feel free to adapt your family favorites using all gluten-free ingredients. Avoid including anything made from wheat, rye, barley, malt, or oats. Some of the most common problem items are: bread, breading, bread crumbs, batters, crusts, pasta, sauces and gravies thickened with flour or a roux, soy sauce, beer, beer batter, cornbread (with flour), and food starch (unless it’s made from corn.) You may want to invite the gluten-free participant to provide the recipes or to come over a day or two in advance and help you bake. They can bring along any hard-to-find ingredients you may need from their pantry and give you some tips on adapting your recipes. Time in the kitchen before a crowd arrives can be a great time to connect and share about anything that’s going on in your lives.
As I’m sure you’ve noticed, the thing of overriding importance when hosting gluten-free friends and relatives is not the food itself, but the opportunity to honor each other’s needs and leave the door open for connection. It is, after all, the connection that we crave from family even when we call it Aunt Opal’s cherry pie.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Cheri
(1)http://www.celiac.com/categories/Celiac-Disease-%26-Gluten-Intolerance-Research/