{"id":5256,"date":"2023-07-11T18:50:49","date_gmt":"2023-07-11T23:50:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/?p=5256"},"modified":"2023-07-17T14:08:09","modified_gmt":"2023-07-17T19:08:09","slug":"walk-a-mile","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/walk-a-mile\/","title":{"rendered":"Walk A Mile"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

When I hear this, my first thought is, I hope they\u2019re comfortable and stylish \u2018cause that\u2019s what I require in shoes. But to the subject at hand, it\u2019s a good admonishment to be reminded that everyone\u2019s burden is different and not all wounds are visible. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some of us take this admonishment\nto heart. We go so far as to put ourselves into the shoes of our most difficult\nfamily, friends, or co-workers before holding them accountable for the hurt or\nchaos they cause us. This feels like an appropriate, compassionate approach. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We imagine the fear our cousin\nwill feel if we refuse to fund their project in spite of their failure to repay\nour previous loans. We feel the devastation our parent will feel if we cut off\nconnection even though their drinking is out of control. After all, we\u2019d feel\ndevasted if our children no longer wanted to connect with us. We feel the hurt a\nsibling will feel when we won\u2019t let them live with us because they bring\ndangerous people home with them in spite of our request for them not to. Often,\nthis stops us from maintaining good boundaries.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So should we walk in someone else\u2019s\nshoes?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes, it\u2019s a helpful exercise. The\nproblem with the above scenarios is they aren\u2019t describing walking in someone\nelse\u2019s shoes at all. They\u2019re describing us imagining the offender walking in our<\/em>\nemotional shoes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In other words, yes, we would\nfeel afraid, devastated, or hurt in the situations we imagine. But someone who\nis willing to take advantage of us, betray us, or disrespect our boundaries may\nnot have the same emotional landscape we do. They may not feel their actions\nare at all problematic and the resulting damage to our relationship may not\nphase them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s hard to get your mind around\nthe idea that a parent might not care whether they ever see us again or a\nbrother would allow someone who would hurt us into our home. It changes how we\nsee people who we\u2019d like to believe care for us. Of course, we expect them to\nhave a similar point of view. But they may not. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having the perspective and\ncourage to work through complicated relationships is not easy. It can take\nsignificant support and years of peeling back layers of memories and feeling.\nBut making sure that you don\u2019t project your point of view onto someone else can\nmake the process go faster. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Believe behavior more than words.\nObserve body language that doesn\u2019t match what is being said. Take note of\nunreliable behavior, manipulation of facts, outright lies, and attempts to\nconvince you how you feel is invalid. These are all clues that your experience differs\nfrom the other person\u2019s in ways that may mean you will never understand their\nemotional reasoning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And you don\u2019t need to. You don\u2019t\nhave to understand why someone repeatedly hurts, betrays, abuses, gaslights, or\nis dishonest with you. It may be interesting or helpful, but it is not\nnecessary to walk a mile in their shoes. It is not necessary to try to repair a\nrelationship that hasn\u2019t and may never exist in the way you\u2019d hoped. It is not necessary\nto keep the door open.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All you need to do is set boundaries\nthat will allow you to grow and be your best self. Those can be whatever they\nneed to be. And you can change them if the situation or your needs change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Withholding judgement, granting\ngrace, and baseline human kindness are all good. Attempting to understand how\nsomeone feels is good. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Twisting yourself into a pretzel for someone who treats you with disregard is not good for anyone, even if you have walked a mile in their shoes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"ad\"<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. When I hear this, my first thought is, I hope they\u2019re comfortable and stylish \u2018cause that\u2019s what I require in shoes. But to the subject at hand, it\u2019s a good admonishment to be reminded that everyone\u2019s burden is different and not all wounds are visible. … Continue reading “Walk A Mile”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[3449,236,29,3210,3450],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5256"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5256"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5256\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5267,"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5256\/revisions\/5267"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5256"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5256"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5256"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}