![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/c2tblog-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/kindness-433x450.jpg\")
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\nIn a similar way, I sometimes\nfind myself seeing every single problem around me and failing to see what\u2019s\ngoing well. It\u2019s right under my nose, but I look past it to the next problem. I\nknow I\u2019m not the only one. I have seen friends, family, and clients do the same\nthing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And why wouldn\u2019t we? For some of\nus, life has provided inescapable circumstances that made it necessary to guard\nagainst a next inevitable outburst, attack, cruelty, or manipulation. We\nlearned to be astute detectives of negative energy. We can feel the slightest\nshift in tone, mood, tension, set of a jaw, or raise of an eyebrow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When we have repeatedly been\nblamed for someone else\u2019s mood or behavior, we learn to personalize the\nnegativity. Again, why wouldn\u2019t we? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
We meet each day with a\nfoundational slant toward self-protection. Self-protection can be a part of\nself-care. But it\u2019s only healthy when balanced by an ability to recognize and absorb\nthe positive, to solve problems rather than just avoid them, and to have the capacity\nto step back and gain perspective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This can be difficult when a day\nbombards us with things that are noisy, annoying, frustrating, unfair,\ndifficult, and stressful. It\u2019s easy to get sucked into a vortex of\ndisagreeable, anger-making people and events, especially when we are tired,\noverworked, underappreciated, sick, or suffering from trauma or loss. Once we\u2019ve\nbeen sucked in, it becomes even more difficult to see anything beyond what\u2019s wrong\nin every relationship or situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And it can be hard to argue with\nour position because our complaints may be on point. Customer service should be\nmore knowledgeable and helpful. Bosses should treat all employees fairly.\nPolice shouldn\u2019t profile. Minorities shouldn\u2019t experience discrimination. White\npeople should get the same consequences as POC. Rich people should be held\naccountable for unethical or illegal behavior. Policies should protect the\nvulnerable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For anyone whose vortex pulls toward\nself-limiting thoughts, those may also feel true. Statistically, it may be less\nlikely for you to get your dream job because of your race or your age. You may\nbe less likely to get into the college of your choice if your parents cannot\ndonate to its Foundation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It isn\u2019t unusual for someone to\nget caught in a cycle of negativity. And given the current failures of so many\nsystems and institutions, it can be more difficult to extract ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The good news is that there are\nsteps you can take to help change that. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Start by recognizing that what\nyou see is what you get.<\/strong> When you focus on negative. You\u2019ll only get negative.\nThe good may be right there, but you will not get the benefit of it because you\nare focused elsewhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Collectively, we know this. How\nmany movies have you seen where a character overlooks someone offering love,\nkindness, loyalty, and dependability in favor of someone who does not? <\/p>\n\n\n\n Find a token<\/strong> that reminds\nyou to notice each small kindness or lucky break in your days. A bracelet,\nring, watch, desk ornament, screen saver, bookmark, plant \u2013 anything will work.\nIt just needs to be something that will pull your attention regularly. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If it helps you, keep a tally. You\ncan do this as a text thread to yourself. Create a new contact on your phone\njust for this. Each time someone smiles at you, holds the door, tells you they\nappreciate something you did, apologizes, compliments you, helps you lift\nsomething, add it to your tally. Add up the score each day or each week. Sit\nwith that number and allow yourself to see how it makes you feel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Practice opposites.<\/strong> This is\nfun for rebellious people like me. We like flipping things anyway. Here\u2019s how\nthat may look. When you have a thought like: I won\u2019t get that job because\u2026(negative,\nnegative, negative), flip it around to an opposite idea: I will get that job\nbecause I\u2019m willing to work harder than anyone else (Even if you can\u2019t bring\nyourself to say you\u2019re the most experienced, talented, or best candidate, you have\nthe ability to exert effort and claim that as a reason to hire you.) Trust me,\nI\u2019ve hired a lot of people. I\u2019ll take the employee who works hard over the most\ntalented any day!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Question yourself.<\/strong> No one\nhas to know you\u2019re doing this. Just do it as an exercise. When your self-talk\nsays: My boss always wants me to fail, question that thought. Begin by stating\nthis as a belief rather than fact: I believe my boss wants me to fail. Follow\nthat with this question: Do I know for a fact my belief is true? <\/p>\n\n\n\n Unless your boss has told you or\nsomeone else in the organization, they want you to fail and unless you have\nseen that in writing or heard a recording, you don\u2019t know it for a fact. You\nhave that perception, but it could be wrong. Stick with that possibility for a\nminute and ask this question: If I am wrong and they don\u2019t want me to fail,\nwhat would I do differently?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Turn the answer into action.<\/strong>\nDo whatever it is you would do differently in response to the above question as\nan experiment. Commit to it for a period of time (at least a month) and notice\nthe results. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Let yourself be surprised.<\/strong>\nSince you\u2019re doing an experiment for yourself, you will not lose face if you\u2019re\nwrong so let yourself be surprised by whatever happens. If things get worse,\nyou just learned you need to get out of a situation that\u2019s never going to let\nyou fill your potential. If things get better, whoo-hoo you win! There\u2019s really\nno downside to this. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Trust yourself.<\/strong> I know you\nmay read this and say I am<\/strong> trusting myself. That\u2019s how I know things are\nbad. True on one level. But that\u2019s only one level. When you fully trust\nyourself, you\u2019ll be able to set that aside and know you can be okay even when\nthings are bad. <\/p>\n\n\n\n And the more you learn to trust\nthose parts of yourself that may not have had the safety to develop, the more\nyou will recognize you can be more than okay. You can achieve, inspire, be your\nbest self\u2026thrive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The good is there. You just have\nto see it. What you see is what you get.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" What you see is what you get could be rephrased as what you don\u2019t see, you can\u2019t enjoy. I can\u2019t tell you how many times I\u2019ve watched one of my kids or grandkids struggle to find a toy that\u2019s right in front of them. It\u2019s always funny because I can see it so clearly while … Continue reading “What You See is What You Get”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,12],"tags":[3295,3293,3294,2579,189,156,3292],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5005"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5005"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5005\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5009,"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5005\/revisions\/5009"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5005"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5005"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cooking2thrive.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5005"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}