This is Where I Draw the Line

With boundaries, this is where I draw the line. In general, I am patient and willing to work with people to find a reasonable solution. While I can be accommodating, I am not a pushover. There is a point at which I draw the line.

That’s the definition of a boundary–the point at which you draw the line. Living a calm, peaceful life requires good boundaries. Making decisions becomes easier once boundaries are well-defined. Children behave better when authority figures maintain and reinforce consistent boundaries. I’ll go so far as to say strong boundaries are critical to thriving.

Knowing or believing this doesn’t mean it’s always easy to draw a line and stick with it. There are enormous social pressures that can erode our resolve. There’s the fear that our parents or children will no longer accept us when we require them to respect a new perimeter. There are concerns that we will be ostracized by co-workers or disparaged on social media. And those things can happen. But when you are true to yourself and set well-thought, well-reasoned boundaries designed to create a positive, healthy environment in order to take care of yourself, it will improve your life. Period.

That will remain true even if a particular family member abandons you. If that happens, it is likely that you do not have a healthy relationship with that person now. Having to face that reality brings an opportunity to redefine your interactions or move on without guilt.

If a group chooses to ostracize you when you intentionally take care of yourself, that group does not have your best interest at heart. It may be time to reflect on the quality of your work in such an environment. Are you able to do your best? If not, it may be time for a change.

Your life will be enhanced by limiting contact with negative forces on social media in favor of positive experiences in person.

On Gluten-Free Labeled Foods
If I have experienced more than one dermatitis herpetiformis rash from a specific food that is labeled gluten-free, I do not eat it again whether or not it is recalled.

The great thing is, you don’t have to begin with terrifying boundaries to improve your life. You can build courage and strength by being true to yourself in everyday situations. I practice such boundaries daily. In fact, this is where I draw the line…

I do not eat anything a company labels gluten-free if that company has frequent recalls or more than one gluten-free product that triggers an autoimmune response.

For Restaurants
I will try any restaurant. If I encounter repeated errors in my orders, an eye roll if I ask for a new salad instead of one off which the croutons were removed, resistance in accommodating my shrimp allergy, a language barrier so great I do not believe I can communicate my dietary limits, an adverse response from a seemingly accommodating kitchen, or a refusal to make any necessary substitutions, I no longer patronize that restaurant regularly and may choose to stay away altogether.

I also stay away if the food is not enjoyable or is both mediocre and expensive.

With Physicians
If a physician will not willingly release my records to me, I will end our relationship.

If the office staff is consistently difficult, rude, and/or incompetent, I will move to another clinic.

If the doctor consistently does not listen and/or is not willing to discuss possible treatment plans, I will move on to another physician who includes me as part of the team. While Patient and Family Centered Care is the goal of many healthcare providers, it is not uncommon for a doctor to fail to include the patient’s input when forming a treatment plan.

If I discover a physician has lied to me regarding test results, we are done.

If a doctor diagnoses the cause of recurring pneumonia as something all-in-my-head, I will find a doctor who is willing to test that theory with an actual regimen of diagnostic tests.

Unfortunately, I have had each experience listed here. I no longer trust that the doctor is always right so drawing a line to improve my health and safety is not difficult.

For Vendors
I will not use a vendor’s service more than once if he raises the price on a quoted job after the job is done even though no changes were made on my end (including deadline). If he honors the quote, but informs me that he erred and cannot do that or a similar job for the same price again, then I will happily send him additional business.

If a vendor misses a critical deadline without giving me a heads up, we are most likely done. I understand that problems arise, but rarely is it impossible to communicate that problem.

When a company deliberately or repeatedly misrepresents product quality, specifications, or safety, I will think and research carefully before choosing any item from its product line.

With Family and Friends
I hope for straightforward, genuine interactions. I am willing to give wide berth when I recognize someone is under duress. I will let temporary lapses or inadvertent mistakes and bad decisions slide unless and until a pattern emerges that is violent, destructive, toxic, or otherwise harmful to me or to children who cannot defend themselves. That is where I draw the line.

A Deal is a Deal
There are times when I cannot consciously explain in the moment why the line is where it is because it is not an intellectual decision. It is visceral.

I once sold a gas kitchen range because I was about to move to another state. The range worked the morning that the buyer unhooked it and hauled it away. The next day, the guy showed up at my door and told me I had sold him a broken stove.

I was in my early 20s and home with only my grandmother and infant son. I did not open my screen door, but I remember talking to him through it as though it were made of steel.

I calmly, but strongly assured him it had worked prior to him moving it. There was a prolonged conversation in which he argued the opposite and I did not budge. Finally, he left.

After he drove away, my grandmother looked at me and said, “I didn’t know you had that in you. I would never cross you after hearing that!”

I don’t remember feeling angry. I just stood there thinking I knew I had done nothing wrong and there was no way some stranger was going to convince me I had. I suppose you could call it the courage of conviction. I’m not sure. I just know there’s a point beyond which you cannot push me. Period.

And that is where I draw the line.

Childhood Is the Time to Feel Carefree

Children benefit from boundaries, routine, and rules, but with adults shouldering life’s burdens, childhood is the time to feel carefree. Unscheduled time to lie in the grass and watch the clouds, dig in the dirt, collect rocks, catch grasshoppers, play in the water, ride bikes, play chase, and giggle, giggle, giggle fills with joy the few years kids have before responsibilities loom. Feeling the security that all needs will be met allows children to relax and play without worry.
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Carefree is a feeling that may be rare or missing from a childhood filled with adverse experiences. This understandably affects how those children view the world when they reach adulthood.

If you’ve never experienced a feeling of burden-less security, you cannot return to that feeling as a motivator when times are tough. If your environment has never felt safe, you cannot fully relax. When a period of calm is the regular prelude to disaster, “good” times bring a feeling of impending doom. When parents or caregivers did not protect and provide, you will not trust others or institutions to protect and provide.

Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) can create a winding road to thriving as an adult. Yes, sometimes it may feel like a spiral! Last week when I said we’d come back to the ways the ACEs study plays in the real world, I wasn’t kidding. I took a quick version of the test. I score a 4 which puts me in the high-risk category.

This came as no surprise. As of this moment, I am healthy and medication free. But I do have celiac disease which is an autoimmune disorder that must be managed. I also have emotional flashbacks and certain triggers that cause me intestinal distress, plus elevated heart rate and blood pressure. These events have become less frequent and more controllable through practicing yoga. The closest diagnosis I have found for my symptoms is complex PTSD which is not a recognized diagnosis at all.

What you call how I feel is not as important to me as having techniques to move from distress to balance and slowly, but surely healing all of those old wounds so that the triggers have nothing to trigger. I’ve made great progress along this road.

I mention this to let you know I have firsthand experience with the wounds created by adverse childhood experiences. I know how it feels to move through life braced for attack. I have often felt defective and unloveable. What I believe about myself intellectually simply can’t be squared with how I feel inside.

There is what feels like a never-ending well of sadness & grief within my solar plexus. I am not depressed, but I find it difficult to access joy. And I cannot remember ever feeling carefree!
sad
I come from a family that is well-respected in the community. A college board room bears my father’s name and a Nature Conservancy pavilion, my mother’s. My grandfather was a Shriner and county judge. Both he and my father were business owners and deacons in a Southern Baptist Church.

I was ranked #3 in my graduating class, was Junior Class President, a member of the popular girl’s social club, and left high school early with college scholarship in hand. I excelled in that environment as well. I graduated in four years with a grade point of 3.86 in spite of changing schools twice. See any red flags there? Probably not. There were some, but not the kind that tend to register for intervention or assistance.

Hidden abuse and neglect are all around you. The products of abuse and neglect are your friends, neighbors, bosses, co-workers, doctors, nurses, lawyers, judges, psychologists, social workers, teachers, policemen, CEOs, and government officials. Many are living “successful” lives.

Some have healed their wounds. Some contribute to a toxic environment wherever they go. Most likely this is not their intent. They are moving through the world in the best way they know how, but some simply don’t care whether they harm you. Your distress will not even register.

A child with a parent or caregiver who does not see and/or respond to his/her distress, or deliberately creates it, cannot securely bond with that parent or caregiver. “The behaviour of parents, and of anyone else in a care-giving role, is complementary to attachment behaviour. The roles of the caregiver are first to be available and responsive as and when wanted and, secondly, to intervene judiciously should the child or older person who is being cared for be heading for trouble. Not only is it a key role but there is substantial evidence that how it is discharged by a person’s parents determines in great degree whether or not he grows up to be mentally healthy.” – John Bowlby, pioneer of attachment theory, in a 1976 lecture entitled The Making and Breaking of Affectional Bonds. 1

With evidence that adverse childhood experiences affect long-term physical health and contribute to chronic disease plus evidence that ACEs additionally affect mental health, it seems imperative that we develop mindful parenting to enhance secure attachment and minimize childhood trauma. The focus for most existing programs are low income, low education level, and minority populations.
hair pull
What about the middle class and above, educated parents who wound their children within families that escape scrutiny? How do we identify and help those children? How do we re-educate these parents regarding parenting?

I would argue this is as important to health and safety as having babies sleep on their backs, wear helmets when biking, and ride in car seats. I don’t want to suggest that we should individually interfere in families except in extreme cases, but changing the norms regarding healthy parenting is essential. It will require the combined effort of researchers, early childhood experts, mental health and medical professionals, parenting experts, internet influencers, and courageous parents to effect significant change.

I’m ready to get the process started. As parents, we cannot identify areas for improvement without an assessment of the current situation. Following is a list of items for parents to consider when evaluating a family environment.

It will require courage to explore these questions from the point of view of your child’s experience. Please keep in mind that only a clear view of the current situation will be helpful. Viewing a situation like you wish it were or hope it will become will not lead to improvement. The overall goal is to improve the health of our children by reducing adverse childhood experiences.

If you are a parent of thinking of becoming one, ask yourself:

Do I have time to devote to holding, comforting, and connecting with my child each day?
My ex-husband used to say having children was not going to change his life. He was right, it didn’t. But it sure changed mine. If you behave like he did and do not have a partner who sees and/or fills in the gaps, your child will not receive adequate responsive parenting.

Am I reliable?
A child must be able to consistently rely on you to provide and protect. If they cannot, it will affect attachment and trust. Repeated unfulfilled promises are detrimental. When a parent promises to call and does not, it hurts. When a parent forgets to show up for a soccer game he/she promised to attend, it hurts. All of us slip from time to time. It is a pattern of unreliability that is harmful.

Do I believe that the highest and best use of my parenting time and energy is to be responsive to my child’s needs?
Children need to feel seen. Children need to know someone will come and comfort them when they are distressed. Children need to feel valued. Children need to know food will be provided when they are hungry. They need to have fluids available when they are thirsty. Children need to have access to a bathroom when they need to go. Children need to feel included as an important part of the family unit.

I know it sounds like I’m just stating the obvious. I know that if you love your children, you most likely believe this is an automatic part of parenting and you may be rolling your eyes. But in my family–the one that looked wonderful on the outside–if I wanted breakfast as a preschooler, I had to fix or find it. If I needed clean clothes, I had to wash them. In first grade, I was expected to wake myself up, get dressed, and get on the school bus without input or even a good morning from the adults in the house. At age six, I still had a potty chair in the laundry room because my father would stay in the only bathroom for an hour at a time and if I knocked on the door, he became enraged and screamed at me to find another place to go. I emptied and cleaned up the potty chair when he finally came out.

Before you make excuses for my parents…they weren’t working multiple jobs. My mother was a stay-at-home mom. Our house was not fancy, but it was clean. Mom did her laundry and my dad’s. She did most of the ironing although some of this was subbed out to me beginning when I was about four. Of course, she had to find me before she could delegate. I spent most of my time wandering the farm or sitting in the woods during the day until my dad came home.

The occasional fishing trip, trail ride, and visit to my grandparents did not adequately balance the grim reality of every day. There simply aren’t enough trips to Disneyland to fix a pervasive, everyday problem.

Do I understand the difference between feeling love and behaving in a loving manner?

I’m sure most of my family and our community would tell you my parents loved me. But they often did not behave in a loving manner. Crying was to risk being hit with the razor strop my dad raised in response. Asking for food, comfort, or help was to risk a cruel or dismissive response from my mother.

I felt my father loved me, but was dangerous. I was afraid of him until I left home for college. I still do not feel my mother loved me, or if she did, I’m certain she didn’t like me. A boyfriend once described her behavior toward me as turning up her nose as though I had shit on my shoes and she just couldn’t stand the smell.

The day after my mother died, my sister & I met for breakfast. I looked at her and said, “My first thought this morning was I never have to be a disappointment again.” Her eyebrows raised and she responded, “I thought exactly the same thing!”

Do I have unresolved feelings about my childhood? If so, can I make a realistic assessment regarding how those may impact my parenting? Do I have a plan for resolving those issues?
Given my background, it might seem advisable for me to choose not to have children. That was not the choice I made. Parenting was the hardest thing I’ve ever done because every move had to be mindful. I knew how bad it felt to be treated the way I was treated and I was determined not to do that to my children. That doesn’t mean they weren’t affected by my subconscious struggles or that I did not occasionally do hurtful things. It does mean the environment in our home was vastly different from the one in which I grew up.

When my oldest took a psychology class in college, he called me and said the class had taken an assessment and, other than getting a divorce, he couldn’t think of anything I’d done to screw up him and his brother. I’ll take that and my continuing close relationship with both boys as confirmation that I did an adequate job of breaking the cycle.

Do I have significant emotional resources to support me so that I can hold, comfort, and connect with my child each day?
Some of us have a deep well from which to draw. Others will need more outside support. It is okay to need whatever you need and to ask for help.

Can I put my feelings aside when appropriate in order to make decisions that will benefit my child?
If your ex-husband is making your life hell, can you keep all negative thoughts, feelings, and judgments to yourself in order to continue to encourage his relationship with his children? Can you handle being alone on Christmas without making your kids feel bad when it’s his year to have them? Can you be cordial to his wife and supportive of the rules in their household?

Do I feel safe in my home?
If not, neither will your child. One of the duties of parenting is to protect. Are there changes you can make to protect yourself and your child?

Do I feel competent to make good decisions?
If not, your child may feel a need to parent you. This is an undue burden.

Do I, or does my partner, create chaos in my home?
Chaos undermines a child’s feeling of security.

Am I flexible?
Life is unpredictable. Flexibility is a sign of mental health and maturity. It is important to live by guidelines that allow for adjustment to changing circumstances.

Do my partner and I have the same parenting objectives?
If partners do not share the same values, conflict will result. Minor conflicts and/or the ability to resolve conflicts can mitigate their effects. Ongoing conflict can feel dangerous to a child.

Are my partner and I able to work as a team?
Consistent expectations, boundaries, and consequences contribute to security. If partners do not work as a team, one may undermine what the other one is doing. This can have significant consequences.

There’s a couple in my circle of friends whose teenage son was arrested last fall for shooting up the cars at a friend’s house. Some of the bullets hit the house which was occupied by the parents at the time. This is a serious crime and the teen was at risk of being charged as an adult. The threat of prison was real.

The gunman attended a private school until high school. His parents are intelligent, good people. They have been married for over 20 years. They have long-term friendships. The father has worked for the same company for over 20 years. They have only moved once in that time frame.

The mom also has MS that has gradually placed more and more household burden on the father. As became clear in court, when dad would lay down the law, mom would go behind his back and release the son from imposed consequences. Dad was sometimes unaware until too late and sometimes too worn out for the fight. Or maybe he didn’t want to fight with his weakened wife who could no longer drive, lift a pan in the kitchen, or manage the laundry.

The result is heartbreaking. The daughter attempted suicide two years ago and the son committed a crime that endangered someone else’s life.

Do I consider my willingness to enforce a consequence before I institute one?
If you take away rare concert tickets and then give the tickets back because you feel bad knowing it might be the last chance to see that band in person, you let the child know consequences mean nothing.

If you take away a cell phone for a month, but then give it back in two days because you hadn’t considered that you wanted him/her to have it on a field trip, you teach the child that consequences are questionable.

If you take away TV and it means there are times you cannot watch TV, are you willing to inconvenience yourself in order to enforce the consequence?

Consequences that mean nothing may be worse than no consequences at all. Consequences with no meaning undermine trust.

Am I willing to look like the oddball when it benefits my child?
What works for one child may not work for another. Really knowing your child and being sensitive to the things that distress him/her can put you at odds with daycare workers, teachers, and principals. There is a delicate balance between advocating for your child and undermining authority.

I would not suggest undermining a teacher’s authority on minor issues. If your child comes home every day discouraged or has a real aversion to school that did not exist when in a different classroom, something is amiss. It may be time to visit the classroom, consult with other teachers, or request a classroom change. Your input may not be welcome. Remembering this is not about you, but the well-being of your child and using the strength of your convictions will allow you to be the best advocate.

Am I willing and able to put down the electronic devices and toys to encourage my child’s curiosity, imagination, and sense of adventure?
Non-directed play can build resilience. Knowing that we will not be perfect parents means that one part of our task is to help build resilience in our children.

Curiosity has been shown to field off depression by keeping us engaged in life. Imagination leads to creative solutions to problems. The ability to view changing circumstances as an adventure can bring a positive view of negative events.

Is my ultimate goal to prepare my child to be an adult who is secure, calm, competent, resourceful, compassionate, inspired, loving, flexible, empathetic, law-abiding, and capable of connection?
Most of us would probably say we want our children to be happy and achieve their dreams. Some of us might say we want our children to get the best education or highest paying job. Some of us have more specific achievement goals–go to an ivy league school, play professional sports, have a certain appearance, fit in a certain social circle, become a professional with an MD, JD, or PhD distinction. While there’s nothing wrong with aspiring goals, early pressure to perform can create anxiety.
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Which brings us back to feeling carefree. Children can only feel carefree when their needs are met, they trust their protectors, they feel they are loved, expectations of them are realistic, and they know they can rely on the adults in their lives. It is possible to live in a home with plenty of resources and married parents and still not feel carefree.

Take it from me, children long for that feeling! Adults who endured a number of adverse childhood events may experience significant grief and loss during the healing process. Often it feels as though we lost the chance for a childhood.

I used to have a button that said, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” It’s a nice sentiment, a hopeful statement, and possibly an inspiration for some. The statement is sometimes based on the idea that we can reparent ourselves.

I believe we can reframe our experiences and heal, but we never regain our childhood. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. Let’s help our children feel carefree while they are children!

1)https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/fe8b/82d36a04baa05ea8e66f583935c1e22793cb.pdf

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1948879/

https://www.paultough.com/the-books/how-children-succeed/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5409906/

Is It Me or Is It Kanye? Practice. Practice. Practice.

I’ve been wondering if Kanye West is mostly delusional or just sometimes oddly effective. Of course, I’m knitting while I ponder this question which makes me further wonder – is it me or is it Kanye or is it everyone for that matter? Are we all a bit unhinged?

The words in the previous paragraph sound as loosely related as a Kanye West rant. See why I’m concerned? Here’s the deal…

I HAVE been knitting. It’s something I haven’t done in 25 years and really only did once before last week. I made a decently well-constructed pair of wool socks in 1980. Now socks may not be the easiest knitting project for a beginner, but at the time I was determined and willing to put in the concentration to keep uniform tension on the yarn and count rows when required. The ribbing at the ankles turned out perfectly.
sock
Through sheer force of will, I completed the socks, gave them as a gift, and vowed never to knit again. I understood that I had no real talent for it and not near enough patience. I was clear that my greatest contribution to the world would not come from a pair of knitting needles. Yet here I am 30 years later amusing my sister by adding rows to the one my mom had cast on a needle and trying to remember what it means to purl.

I can see what a terrible job I’m doing. The weave is too loose. There are dropped stitches here and there and I have no idea what I’m making. But will I stop, rip out the flawed rows, and start over? Oh hell no! I just keep going as though this is something I feel compelled to do – as if it’s a creation that will somehow add required beauty to the world.
knitting
This is where I begin to see a resemblance to Kanye. Why do I keep putting effort and time into something I know isn’t for me? Why not invest that time in an artistic pursuit at which I know I excel? Am I being effective? Does Kanye make an effective argument when he rants that he wants to make the world better and stop bullying by producing clothes? Maybe he’s already made the world a better place through his music.

So, here’s what I’m really wondering: Why do we sometimes promote our own outdated, unrealistic, or Ill-suited goals to the detriment of real, positive contributions we can make to our families, communities and the world? If this were a rarity it wouldn’t be worth noting. In my realm of personal contact, it is not rare. It is rampant. Of course this may indicate I need a new social circle, but I don’t think my experience is aberrational.

I don’t really plan to answer this question. I don’t have the answer. I believe the answer is rooted in our relationship to ourselves, our truth, and our perception of our place in the world. I think it has something to do with our relationship to shame and vulnerability. I think it has a lot to do with our relationship to fear. And I believe these are the same relationships that left neglected, disrupted, or dysfunctional leave us vulnerable to over indulgence in numbing behaviors – over-drinking, over-eating, over-working, over-scheduling, over-spending, binge watching, and drug dependence.

The question is complex, the answers myriad. But maybe the solution is simple! Practice. Practice. Practice.

Practice stillness. See what comes up.
Practice gratitude. It’s the quickest path to seeing a silver lining.
Practice self-compassion. This is where all real compassion begins.
Practice fearlessness. Sit with your fear as long as you can. Leave it. Come back to it. Eventually, that particular fear will be gone.
Practice truth telling. Allow yourself to see what is. Not what you want it to be.
Practice joy. Experience what makes you feel full, free, warm, and content. Choose those experiences.
Practice problem prevention. Make deliberate choices. Own the choices you make and the reasons you made them.
Practice forgiveness. Forgive yourself for your flaws, poor choices, harmful behaviors.
Practice health. Feed your body nutrients. Move, move, move. Lift. Breathe.
Practice curiosity. This is the path to unlimited possibility.
Practice healing. Learn to release yourself from your emotional habits.

Now, back to my knitting. It’s a great opportunity to practice truth telling, self-compassion, and problem prevention. The truth is, my knitting quality is poor. I don’t need to push myself to do a better job at it or try to convince anyone it’s going to turn out better than they think. I can prevent myself from feeling inadequate by giving up this activity that I recognize is not my forte – an act which is itself a practice in healing because feeling like a disappointment is one of my emotional habits.

Wow, now I feel grateful for this knitting experience! Look what a great opportunity for reflection it provided. And that, Kanye, is how you make peace with what is. You’re welcome.

Strategic Patience

formulaThis morning I ran across the term strategic patience. It wasn’t used in the context of foreign policy with Russia. This strategic patience was used to describe a technique employed by teachers in which students are asked to remove themselves from electronics and quietly observe a math formula, graph, or painting. Sometimes the duration of the assignment was only 1.5 minutes, but that time had a positive learning result.

Quiet observation, stillness, contemplation, and mindfulness are words I hear fairly often. I know a few people who practice yoga and many who claim to pray, but most everyone I know is also running as fast as they can most of the time. It is rare that anyone sits still or savors a moment alone.

I know that’s probably true of the people around you as well. In fact, University of Virginia psychologist Timothy Wilson and his colleagues at U.Va. and Harvard found in a series of 11 studies that participants generally did not enjoy even six to 15 minutes alone in a room with nothing to do but think, ponder, or daydream.

We become so accustomed to filling every moment, we schedule more and more and more and then start to rush to get it all done. And we convince ourselves that everything we’re doing is important whether or not we appreciate the value it adds to our lives. We have an idea that through this overabundance we are living more fully,varms but are we, or would strategic patience serve us better?

That’s a big question to answer in a blog post. It’s the kind of big question people write whole books about. I’m in too much of a hurry to write a book. I just need to get this post finished so I can move on to the rest of my over-scheduled day. As a result, I’ll limit the rest of this space to sharing what I’ve learned the past few years…by being still.

Being still matters. It’s important. No, it’s CRITICAL.

I don’t know why exactly except that without stillness there is no motion. Contrasts in life are the way we make sense of things. We can’t know sweet unless we know sour. We can’t know fast unless we know slow. We can’t know happiness unless we know sadness. We can’t know success unless we know failure.

Until we are able to sit still with ourselves, we cannot know ourselves fully and not knowing ourselves frightens us. It leaves us susceptible to criticism because we’re not really sure if the criticism is deserved. It leaves us unable to apologize sincerely because we’re not really sure how we feel. It causes us to bristle quickly because each time someone doesn’t follow their prescribed role in our necessarily narrow script, we feel threatened. It causes us to posture rather than stand confidently tall. It keeps us divorced from our vulnerability without which we cannot receive love. And we all want to be loved.

Now, how does any of this relate to cooking? It doesn’t, but strategic patience is ingredient number one for thriving.


https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/to-get-students-to-focus-some-professors-are-asking-them-to-close-their-eyes/2016/04/06/b2b019e8-e6ef-11e5-bc08-3e03a5b41910_story.html

https://news.virginia.edu/content/doing-something-better-doing-nothing-most-people-study-shows